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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ignored wishes

76 replies

Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 19:56

A relative very very kindly offered to look after our dog while we went away for a few days with another relative as the dog hates the kennels.

Relative can be a bit unsteady sometimes , not around the house but definitely on long country walks and uneven ground so we said just to let her in the garden and not walk her. Especially as dog is a rescue and recall can be an issue.
Relative said this was the best and agreed.

I've just found out that they have actually been taking her out every single day on long walks and lying to us and the relative we were with knew and had said nothing.

I don't know how I feel tbh

I'm grateful they looked after her, I'm not even that against the walk I was just trying to make it easier for them, dd is very upset!

OP posts:
Inebriati · 29/08/2019 21:57

I understand the problem, dogs that get lost away from their home territory are harder to find. I'd also be upset at the relatives who did it and knew about it.

Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 21:59

Thanks Honeyroar. I'm not going to make a fuss about it honestly.
I'm going to take a present back and say thank you and be grateful. I AM grateful. I have already offered money.

PapaShango really. Dog was already walked Tuesday and will be walked Saturday, the garden is a large one. Do dogs really get a long walk while in kennels?

I stopped using one here as I discovered they weren't walking them at all as they had said they were. The other we looked at which has a five star rating let them into a small outdoor enclosed area.

OP posts:
Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 22:04

thecatinthetwat yes!!

It's not even the walks! As I said in the OP I'm not even that against the walks. Its everything else around it!

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 29/08/2019 22:07

It's being lied to that's upsetting, esp when it's 2 of them, quite deliberate.

GameSetMatch · 29/08/2019 22:10

You can’t keep a dog in the house for a week without walking it!

LemonTT · 29/08/2019 22:12

Oh dear. Person asked to take care of dog because kennels don’t walk dogs. Person walks dog; shock horror !

No fussing here. Just telling the world ones wishes are ignored and something about everything around it being just all wrong. But not bothered. No not at all. Nothing contrary.

Butterfly84 · 29/08/2019 22:18

Wtf.

You do not go on holiday and leave your dog with someone who won't walk him every day. That is neglect. Unless you have a tiny toy breed dog or a dog with health conditions who physically cannot walk, your dog should be having a good walk every day big garden or not.

Your relative was doing what should have been done, walking the dog. If your dog is bad at recall and you were worried, you get an extendable lead/long rope for more control. No excuses to not walk your dog.

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2019 22:34

Why did stupid relative with you tell your dd?

rookiemere · 29/08/2019 22:41

I can see why you're angry OP. Relative walks dog and is presumably a bit frail - relative trips because of dog and this may not be down to any shortcomings on your dogs behalf , it could just be barrelled into by a boisterous puppy - relative gets injured and you feel guilty.

I don't know the breed, but unless dog is very elderly all dogs I know need walking even if only for the new areas to sniff and pee on. Perhaps as no arrangements had been made to walk dog, relative felt she had no choice but to do it.

Elieza · 29/08/2019 22:47

They prob lied so your dd didn’t get upset. There’s two of them so they prob looked after each other to make sure the dog didn’t escape. They’ve probably spoiled it rotten with treats so recall wouldn’t be an issue! Sounds like the dd is the main problem here. Perhaps in future something could be done to reassure her that the dog won’t be walked by just one of them (due to falling fears) and a video of them recalling the dog shown as proof they can control it. Or perhaps they never let the dog off the lead so it’s always safe? It’s great they have helped you. And the dog prob enjoyed its holiday too!

Jemima232 · 29/08/2019 22:50

I stopped using one here as I discovered they weren't walking them at all

Oh right. So you didn't use the kennels because you discovered that they don't walk the dogs and now you're pissed off with your relative who did walk the dog.

I don't understand this at all. I don't know what your DD is upset about either - is it because she thinks the dog won't come back or because she thinks the relative will fall over?

justasking111 · 29/08/2019 23:04

Did anyone see those documentaries about children visiting a residential home for the elderly. The residents had their health, strength measured at the beginning. Then the children got them on their feet playing outside. At the end the residents were health checked again, the difference was marked. They could walk a lot further was one of the differences.

Your dog has probably improved their health and gait.

Squirrel26 · 29/08/2019 23:05

My dog has rubbish recall, an extremely strong prey drive, and is capable of pulling me over. He's accidentally got off his lead twice: Once it took my dog walker 2 hours to recapture him and once he cut his face and I ended up with a £200+ vet bill. He's quite capable of running onto a railway line or into traffic.

If I left him with someone who promised not to walk him and they did because presumably they thought they knew better, I would be furious.

Singinginshower · 29/08/2019 23:38

I understand the issues around deceit. I have had friends/family care for my dog with requests/advice/ ' instructions' which have not been adhered to.
The dog has always been fine, and obviously happy to see us back, but something does 'die' a little in the relationship, about trust essentially, and whether you want to ask that person again.

The other thing OP I wanted to acknowledge is the difficulty in managing your DD's anxiety, and how that extends to controlling everything in her world.💐

PapaShango · 30/08/2019 00:44

Squirrel26

So you have an out of control dog? Are you doing anything about that?

Inkyfngrs · 30/08/2019 07:23

I totally get why you're upset, OP. (Please ignore the replies that are less than sympathetic :)) It's requesting A, being told yes yes, that's best - and then B happens. Nobody checks with you, nobody asks. That IS rude and disrespectful IMO! Just wondering - are there traits of autism on that side of the family? That might explain...? (I also have autistic DC and my mum behaves EXACTLY like your relative at times, so I feel your frustration!) Perhaps gently bring up the issue with relatives and explain your DD's distress about rule breaking and the meltdowns. Maybe explain that they need to ask beforehand they change what was agreed. And put together a plan for problem situations like falling over, losing the dog, etc. Your DD deserves to enjoy her holiday too! Good luck :)

Squirrel26 · 30/08/2019 07:23

@PapaShango Nope. I have a dog who’s training is a work in progress. The point I’m trying to make is that if he went out with someone who just let him off because ‘he’ll come back eventually’ or ‘we’ve given him loads of treats, he’ll come back’ he would be out of control. And if that person had promised me they wouldn’t do that, I’d be angry.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/08/2019 07:32

I don't know about kennels sorry as I don't use them.

A garden is not a substitute for a walk though however big.

People who have fallen recently do need to exercise (gently) so your DDog may have done this relative the world of good.

Aprillygirl · 30/08/2019 07:40

You keep saying 'they' when referring to your 'unsteady' relative, which leads me to believe that she was not alone on these walks so there was really no need to be you worried was there? If you don't care about your dog's welfare maybe just sling it in the kennels next time Hmm

user1498581287 · 30/08/2019 08:53

I understand why you're upset-i would be. I wouldn't leave it with them,again, either. It's a really big thing , leaving an animal that you love, that's dependent on you, (or whoever's caring for it) , for it's well being- and if you leave instructions for it's care they should be carried out, as well as possible.

  If I'd left a dog with a relative and said don't walk it- just let it go in the garden , I'd be really upset , if I found they had. Can you contact them , as soon as possible and say, your daughter's upset and you're worried, can they give you their word to just let it go in the garden, (and keep an eye on it while it's there), because it's spoiling your holiday, having to worry. 

If you don't feel you can trust them, and if you or your daughter are at all worried- I'd consider cutting your holiday short and going home early, if it's at all possible, even if it meant some extra expense. If you can't , I would tell them as firmly as you can , that you don't want it being taken out on walks by them, say you hope you can trust them- but if for any reason they do take it somewhere it needs to stay on it's lead , because it's recall's not good. Years ago, when I was a child, we lost a lovely dog , that didn't come back well, and got run over- it was very upsetting.

Another time, I'd try and find good reputable kennels-try and look around for a nice one, I do sympathize about finding suitable kennels, it can be difficult- but some are good ones , years ago we use to take our rabbit to a kennels, that took other pets and they had a nice safe field that they walked the dogs round. If you find a nice kennels, one thing you could try is letting your dog stay for a night or two, when you're not away- to let it practice, and then if there is a problem you could go and fetch it.

When you come back, maybe you could start doing some recall training. My grown up daughter has dogs , I sometimes help her with recall training- we stand facing each other, fairly close, on a safe enclosed space, and the dog sits by my daughter , then I call it really enthusiastically to me and she tells it to go to me, and when it gets to me I give it a treat , like a bit of sausage or dog biscuit, and really praise it, then as soon as it's eaten it -my daughter calls it back to her, and so on. We do it back and forth 5 or 6 times. My dds dogs did improve their recall doing things like that- (though one is getting a bit old now, and gets a bit nervous, and has bolted a few times so it's on it's lead nearly all the time, now)

Anyway , good luck and I hope everything's ok- and you aren't being at all unreasonable- it would upset me a lot.

Palaver1 · 30/08/2019 09:18

Your upset due to the reaction from your daughter and having to deal with her
She will get over it change is good for her life cant always be predictable.
Its hard yes but sometimes she cant and wont be able to control everything around her
Pleased the dog was not confined to the garden.

Palaver1 · 30/08/2019 09:26

@PapaShango love the name

Inebriati · 30/08/2019 12:23

Why are people pretending not to know the difference between a licenced boarding kennel (possibly with an exercise pen) and a frail person?

PapaShango · 30/08/2019 13:56

Palaver1

Thanks! Old school wrestling fan 😂

myself2020 · 30/08/2019 15:53

I do get it. just assume the following scenario: elderly relative walks dog and trips. falls down, breaks something. dog gets loose and hit by car or gets lost. not that unlikely.
Alternative a) dog stays with relative in big garden
b) dog is in kennels with little space to move around.
Alternative a sounds good!