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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ignored wishes

76 replies

Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 19:56

A relative very very kindly offered to look after our dog while we went away for a few days with another relative as the dog hates the kennels.

Relative can be a bit unsteady sometimes , not around the house but definitely on long country walks and uneven ground so we said just to let her in the garden and not walk her. Especially as dog is a rescue and recall can be an issue.
Relative said this was the best and agreed.

I've just found out that they have actually been taking her out every single day on long walks and lying to us and the relative we were with knew and had said nothing.

I don't know how I feel tbh

I'm grateful they looked after her, I'm not even that against the walk I was just trying to make it easier for them, dd is very upset!

OP posts:
HypatiaCade · 29/08/2019 21:07

Oh, I thought you had got back, but you're not, you're still away.

I understand why you're upset having found out, but why did you let your DD know? It's something you should have dealt with on your own!

How big a dog is it? I assumed a small one based on you being happy for it to just run around in the back yard.

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 21:08

Easily one of the most silly things I’ve read, you’re angry someone walked your dog? I think this person knows their own abilities, why would you leave your dog with someone you thought couldn’t walk him/her? That’s neglectful, also it seems a very odd reason for your daughter to be upset about, can you not frame it as lucky dog getting nice walks.

longtimelurkerhelen · 29/08/2019 21:09

@Nicknacky

The OP mentioned it in her last post.

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 21:11

You say away for a few days then walked every day then final days, just how long have you left the dog?
I’m sure your dog sitter will have the sense to keep the dog on a lead. Maybe next time pay a dog sitter instead of being outraged at someone walking your dog for free.

Nicknacky · 29/08/2019 21:11

She might have been walking the dog in the early morning or late evening when it’s not so hot.

Raphael34 · 29/08/2019 21:12

They probably felt sorry for the dog locked in the house for days on end. Why didn’t you arrange a dog walker?

longtimelurkerhelen · 29/08/2019 21:14

@ Bookworm4 Where has the Op said they are "outraged"?

It would do the dog no harm to not be walked for a week. I would much rather someone looking after my dog not walk it as recall might be an issue for someone other than the owner and if they are a bit unsteady on their feet it is foolhardy to do so.

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 21:18

@longtimelurkerhelen
It’s not difficult to say ‘if you walk the dog keep her on her lead’
Also sick of the excuse of ‘it’s a rescue so rubbish recall’ etc My 3 rescue dogs have excellent recall 😉

Candymay · 29/08/2019 21:19

How lovely of them to put the dog first. If he is well and happy don’t worry anymore. The walker/ relative probably feels confident and knows their own abilities. I do know that feeling of distrust when your wishes are not heard but I think that if your dog is happy then you will have to just accept this and be grateful for the care.

JonSlow · 29/08/2019 21:21

Why tell your DD knowing it would trigger her autism?

Original poster
Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 21:22

Hypatia it was the relative with us who told dd not me. He said he had just rang relative at home and they were out with the dog, that they had been every day. Dd got upset and he told her he hadn't told her until now as it would have ruined her trip.

Bookworm we are back on Saturday morning. We came Tuesday afternoon. Relative told dd specifically she wasn't taking dog but took it immediately we had left basically.

Raphael34 dog is at a house with a person all day long with an open door to a very large back garden not locked in a house for days on end.

OP posts:
longtimelurkerhelen · 29/08/2019 21:29

@ Bookworm4 What thread are you reading? Where did I say rescue dogs have rubbish recall?

Breathlessness · 29/08/2019 21:29

What an idiot the relative to tell your DD knowing how upset she’d be.

From now on just arrange a dog walker or stick with kennels.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 29/08/2019 21:31

Having other people look after pets is such a minefield - they are doing you a big favour, but...

We had MIL look after our cat last year, and she refused to let her out (after agreeing that she would, because the cat hates using the litter tray) because she was scared she wouldn’t come back to a “stranger”. She would have come back when she was hungry, and MIL is not a stranger, but fair enough. This year she locked our house keys in the house, with the cat, so we ended up coming home early.

Next year the cat is going into the cattery!

Original poster
Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 21:32

'Also sick of the excuse of ‘it’s a rescue so rubbish recall’ etc My 3 rescue dogs have excellent recall'

We are working on recall currently with a trainer so not really using it as an excuse.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 21:38

You did, just say no recall not she’s a rescue and recall is an issue.
All you had to say was keep her on lead, you are really being insulting to this person, I’m sure they know what they can manage. They’ve saved you plenty ££ and you’re still moaning.

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 21:39

@ longtime
Not you, reread it, the word also is used.

Original poster
Dogdrama · 29/08/2019 21:40

Just to add I'm not angry or outraged or any of the other things mentioned!

I would have paid for a dog sitter/Walker etc etc. Relative offered after previously being upset with me that I had paid for kennels and sitters.
It was relative who offered very very kindly. Dd expressed concern about dog getting lost or relative tripping because there are things we are working on with a trainer. Relative said she would just not take her out and just play with her in the (large) garden.

OP posts:
Drabarni · 29/08/2019 21:44

what heat?
It's a bit nippy up here NW, is it really hot everywhere else?

PapaShango · 29/08/2019 21:45

Well it’s done now. Dogs been taken on many walks and is fine. You only have a few options here. Either cut your holiday short and go and collect the dog. Phone relative and tell them not to take the dog out again under any circumstances (very selfish if you do this). Leave it as it is and let the relative carry on and tell them to keep dog on the lead.

Tues-Sat is a ridiculous amount of time for a dog without a walk. How selfish of you to not only do that to the dog, but also your relative. The dog must be going stir crazy without a walk and driving your relative mad. If I don’t take my dogs out for a day they’re crying by the door.

Breathlessness · 29/08/2019 21:45

Really your issue is with Bigmouth who decided to tell your DD something that’s casing her worry and stress instead of keeping quiet until you were all back home. It’s your DP isn’t it?

Honeyroar · 29/08/2019 21:46

I completely understand where you're coming from. My mum is much more frail than she thinks and would do something like that because she doesn't think she's that bad. But alls well that ends well. The dog is fine. Don't make a big fuss about it.

FuckFacePlatapus · 29/08/2019 21:52

Oh for goodness sake get a grip

thecatinthetwat · 29/08/2019 21:55

I think it's odd that the relative took the dog out when agreed not to. And then this other relative has been lying about it, but then came out with it to your dc. Then also made it sound like a massive problem with, 'I knew it would ruin your holiday' or something.

It's all really odd.

Are your relatives usually this secretive and odd? Was it really unreasonable for the relative to take the dog out in the first place? If it was, why would they then decide to take the dog out secretly?

All this would do my head in. Don't let them look after the dog again and don't go away with that other relative either. You (and DC) don't need the stress of it.

ReanimatedSGB · 29/08/2019 21:56

Firstly, your relative is doing you a favour by minding your dog, and is in fact being kind to the dog by taking it for walks. It's not up to you to decide whether your relative is capable of going for walks - you are not that person's carer, or employer, or owner, and the person may well be very tired of you and other family members treating them like they are doddering on the edge of the grave.
Secondly, is your other relative a shit-stirrer, or just tactless? They could have not wound your DD up about the dog going for walks and there would have been no need to worry.