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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being a cheeky fucker?

242 replies

detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:01

we've just had our back garden fence done last week. we informed neighbours on both sides (garden is three-sided, so the left and right sides are facing into their gardens iyswim). we didn't expect them to offer any money to split the cost and indeed they didn't.

turns out when the fencers were here, both neighbours arranged for their back gardens to also be fenced on the remaining sides. it's being done this week. so we've paid for a side each for them!

dp and my mum reckons we should ask them for a contribution but this feels really cheeky to me. am i just being a scaredy-cat?

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/08/2019 13:03

Huh? Fencing is really expensive! Why did the tradesmen do this work without asking about the cost?

AmIThough · 29/08/2019 13:04

Your neighbours are being CFers but I wouldn't ask for money from them

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:04

sorry if i've not been clear. we've paid for our three sided garden to be fenced. the neighbours at either side have now asked same company to do their gardens - but they'll only have to pay for two sides as we're in the middle.

OP posts:
Spingtrolls · 29/08/2019 13:04

So your paying for yours and the neighbours fencing. Or are they paying for the additional work and you for what you originally planned?

PookieDo · 29/08/2019 13:05

They probably didn’t want a mismatching fence though. I wouldn’t ask no if you own the whole fence? Which side owns what? They wouldn’t have had it done if you hadn’t done it and they still have to pay for the other fences

AmIThough · 29/08/2019 13:05

@Namechangeforthiscancershit OP paid for her whole garden. The neighbours paid for the rest of their own gardens, that OP hadn't already arranged to be done.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:06

both neighbours are just paying for the additional work.

OP posts:
Spingtrolls · 29/08/2019 13:06

They might only be doing this to have matching fence.
And why should you know pay for one when originally you was paying for 3?

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 13:06

I think YABU.

Ultimately you were happy to pay for fences between you and neighbours on both sides.

Now they've both decided to replace the remaining fences in their gardens, you think they should pay towards the fences you've put up?

How long should they have left it to replace their fences, before you felt it justified changing your original stance on the fences you put up? 6 months? A year?

WaterSheep · 29/08/2019 13:07

I don't think they're being CF, perhaps they just want their fencing to match. Fencing a garden can be quite expensive, so since you've done 1/3 of the work they now feel it's more affordable to finish the job.

If you haven't asked for any money towards it I don't think you can be annoyed that they haven't offered.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:07

i don't think i should only pay for one. i think they should make a contribution to the shared sides between our gardens!

OP posts:
RebeccaRae · 29/08/2019 13:07

I think you're probably too late to ask for a contribution - you might have got it before you did your fence if you approached them to discuss it, but o shouldn't think they will agree now.

Look at it this way - you haven't lost anything. You've done what you always intended to do. It's just had an unexpected benefit for someone else. It's not a zero sum game, so I would just let it go!

Geminijes · 29/08/2019 13:08

I don't think the neighbours are being cheeky.

You decided to replace your fence on all 3 sides. They didn't ask you to replace the fence.
Just because they have now decided to replace their remaining fence on their other side to match is not being cheeky.

If they replaced their fences next year or year after then you wouldn't think they were cheeky so why would you think it now?

Cheeserton · 29/08/2019 13:08

This crap again...

Whose fence is it per the deeds?? That is the only relevant consideration. And even if it's theirs, YOU arranged for the work without figuring this out first!

YABU. If you want contributions you ASK FIRST.

Spingtrolls · 29/08/2019 13:08

But why should they?
It was your decision to initially decide to change the fence.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:08

yep fair enough, i've not lost anything. now to convince dp he is being unreasonable! Smile

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 29/08/2019 13:11

What cheeserton said.
If you wanted a contribution you ask before you get the work done, not after.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:12

i didn't want a contribution hence i didn't ask for one. now they've got the advantage of me having paid for three and they only have to pay for two from the same fencing guys, less than a week after. don't know, just feels a bit opportunistic to me. but i shan't say anything!

OP posts:
nornironrock · 29/08/2019 13:12

Who owns the boundary fences? Your deeds should state this. I know that we do not own (and therefore will not be organising replacement of) the fences at the back of our house.

dollydaydream114 · 29/08/2019 13:13

Of course you can’t ask them for money. If you wanted a contribution you should have checked who owns the boundary and discussed it with them beforehand.

The fact that they’re now getting their sides fenced as well is neither here nor there: the original decision to fence three sides was yours and you didn’t ask them first or, apparently, bother to check if you were responsible for those boundaries, so you have to pay for it even if you now think you made a mistake. It’s not your neighbours’ problem.

GreenishPurple · 29/08/2019 13:13

YABU you didn't ask for contributions before you had the work done, you can't ask now. If they want to have their other fence done, that's there business.

I actually think the only relevant thing is who owns the fence in the deeds, and if it's not yours, you need to ask permission before you replace it. And I doubt all those three fences were yours OP

GrapefruitGin · 29/08/2019 13:13

Surely you know who the fence legally belongs to? The answer is, whoever owns it... pays for it.

dollydaydream114 · 29/08/2019 13:14

just feels a bit opportunistic to me

So what? It’s still not their problem.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 13:14

I don't really understand your logic. You wanted to have your gard n fenced and were happy to pay. And now because they have completed their gardens you have both changed your minds and think they should pay?

If you wanted them to pay you should have said, nothing for you has changed.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:15

@dollydaydream114 i did ask both neighbours. both said it was fine, as it said in my op.

the fences are shared boundaries between terraced gardens.

have accepted it is cheeky so i won't be asking - thanks all.

OP posts:
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