Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being a cheeky fucker?

242 replies

detectivebird · 29/08/2019 13:01

we've just had our back garden fence done last week. we informed neighbours on both sides (garden is three-sided, so the left and right sides are facing into their gardens iyswim). we didn't expect them to offer any money to split the cost and indeed they didn't.

turns out when the fencers were here, both neighbours arranged for their back gardens to also be fenced on the remaining sides. it's being done this week. so we've paid for a side each for them!

dp and my mum reckons we should ask them for a contribution but this feels really cheeky to me. am i just being a scaredy-cat?

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:49

@CassianAndor the comments about being clueless and ignorant aren't needed really. i fully take your point and am grateful for your input. what do you want me to do? flagellate myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:50

@Barbie222 i did ask all neighbours and they were more than happy for me to replace.

OP posts:
katesalwayslate · 29/08/2019 16:52

I think you would be unreasonable to ask for a contribution! You’re getting the fence anyway! I’d definitely say no and think you were a CF if you asked for a contribution to pay for the fence you’re already getting.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:53

i. am. not. going. to. ask. for. a. contribution.

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:53

what i will do, in future, is remember that clearly not everyone is as neighbourly-minded as me and some / most people are just grabby. you live and learn!

OP posts:
SweetMarmalade · 29/08/2019 16:56

YABU to now ask for a contribution, you should have asked before you had the work done. Although if I was either neighbour I would have offered a contribution.

HotChocolateLover · 29/08/2019 16:57

Yes YABU. It’s just tough luck OP. If my neighbour put up a new fence and I liked it then I would seriously consider putting up a matching one. Why not? You’ve already said you weren’t bothered about a contribution but I bet it’s that bit more annoying because both neighbours have done it

katesalwayslate · 29/08/2019 16:57

I don’t see how they’ve been at all grabby to not contribute towards the fence you chose to get for your own garden? 🤔

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:58

i didn't want a contribution which is why i didn't ask. but i didn't expect them both to get a brand new fence for a third cheaper, within three days of mine being put up. as i've said before i've essentially saved them both a cash and i wouldn't be able to sit back and do that to my neighbours. obviously i am in the minority!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 16:59

I don't see how they are grabby. And being insulting to your neighbours is not a virtue op.

By replacing the fence panels you basically forced their hands. Otherwise they would have odd unmatching fence panels. You started this, they simply decided to complete the job so their fences matched.

Calling them grabby because of it and saying you're the one who is neighbourly minded when you replaced them because you wished your garden to look nice isn't ok really, you replaced them to benefit you, that was your driver. You were not doing it as some form of neighbourly charitable act.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 16:59

@katesalwayslate because they've benefited from my fencing which backs onto their gardens so have saved a chunk of cash??

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 17:01

sorry @Bluntness100 that's not right, the fence panels have been mismatched / damaged the whole five years me and the neighbours have been here so i've hardly forced their hand - and i find it hard to believe they've been backed into a corner and had to stump up the cash on a spontaneous decision within three days.

i'm fully accepting it would be unreasonable to ask for a contribution and as i've said so many times now, i'm not going to. but it's absolutely not the case that i've forced their hand or acted out of turn.

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 17:02

you're right @HotChocolateLover it just rankles a bit.

OP posts:
SweetMarmalade · 29/08/2019 17:03

Change the whole lot for something completely different GrinWink

We own the back and left fence as far as I can remember other NDN owns the right fence. Do you definitely own all three sides?

Bet Mr Fence man is rubbing his hands!

Dipi · 29/08/2019 17:04

OP, you're not neighbourly, but a tight, petty shit. I bet your neighbours LUUUUUURVE you

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 17:06

Ok, I get your point, they have simply decided to complete the job because the fences were not good, that's fair enough, but you replaced the fences to benefit you, that's why you sought permission, and didn't ask for money, you were doing it for your benefit. Not theirs. Now you're just pissed Off they have benefited.

That's neither neighbourly or ungrabby...😁

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 17:07

haha @Dipi love to know how you have reached that conclusion.

OP posts:
Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 17:10

@Bluntness100 a fair point well made Grin

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 29/08/2019 17:11

For both neighbours to do this I'd wonder if the builders had approached them? For what it's worth I'd probably do the same, just so that all my fencing matched. Let it go. You got the fence you wanted.

Original poster
detectivebird · 29/08/2019 17:12

@BrendasUmbrella the builders didn't approach them, both sets of neighbours (and two other houses on the row!) spoke to them while they were working here. big payday for him Grin

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 29/08/2019 17:13

We have a garden with the left side belonging to us so we pay then on the right the fences belong to three neighbours. They pay to replace any panels unless you're a nobhead who doesn't care about a toddler being able to access their pond through a dropped fence panel I feel we have a similar set up as in other neighbours gardens face ours but why do you think your neighbours are CF. Diagram needed or better explanation.

HeadintheiClouds · 29/08/2019 17:14

You haven’t “saved them a chunk of money”, op. You decided to replace the fences yourself, they clearly weren’t going to bother.
You’d have spent exactly the same if they hadn’t decided to continue the new fencing round the rest of their borders, it’s a complete red herring.

lovemenorca · 29/08/2019 17:18

Yes i suppose it would have been nice if they had contributed or maybe a bottle of wine

But essentially you forced their hand. They weren’t going to do it. You did do it, they saw it made sense to get their side done at same time and so they thought - let’s do it then as fencer on site and available.

SaveKevin · 29/08/2019 17:19

I’ve had neighbours poach workman before for stuff. Sometimes you think “I must get round to x” but you never do, or you don’t know where to start with getting reputable people in. But you’ve probably given them the kick up the bum, plus the fencing contact that they know are decent people.

stickerqueen · 29/08/2019 17:19

my mum got in trouble when she replaced the fences in her garden. she only owned one side Of the fence but replaced both sides and back.
The neighbour who's fence she had replaced went crazy about it.
The housing assosiation who owned the fence at the back was ok about it but told her she should have spoken to them and told her not to do it again.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.