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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off at expense for her wedding?

85 replies

Tightorright · 29/08/2019 11:45

My sister is getting married in London which is where we're from: except all of us kids emigrated. Her soon to be DH is from America, which is where they live. There was a massive hoo ha about where they would get married, in the US or UK, with my DM recommending they just have two small dos in both countries to keep things simple. However my sister decided to do a big thing in London because she wanted to dazzle his US crew (her words).

Our family is scattered over Europe. My sister set the date of the wedding: and she chose NYE. We told her that was a bad idea because of flights and venue expenses as well as town being mad, but it emerged that it had to be NYE because his family would be in Europe for Xmas anyway.

She has been really tight with her wedding despite getting four figure sums from both my DM and his to help with it, to the point where she decided that none of the cousins on our side would be invited (all our age), but that the young children of his friends (??????) would be. This has caused a little bit of friction in the family because we have aunts and uncles from our family, but none of our cousins there, and some people have been a bit offended.

Anyway, our DM lives in a small terraced house with two bedrooms. And rather than get a bridal suite or something (?) my sister has decided that she and soon to be DH will be staying at my mums. This means that all of us travelling from around Europe back to London not only have to buy our travel tickets for NYE which is really expensive (plus I dont have the cash to advance buy them now), but we also have to get an Air Bnb. An uncle coming down from Scotland has just been in touch and said he's found a place we could all get together but it will be 500 quid for four nights per couple.

I don't know I just feel annoyed because money is so tight for me atm. But am I being unreasonable? In her defence, what else could she do?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 29/08/2019 20:18

She may have decided to stay at your moms muscles for her wedding night but to be honest I would also be staying there as would my sister as it’s my mums house as well. Just tell her you are both staying there as well

Chloemol · 29/08/2019 20:18

Muscles is house!

thecatinthetwat · 29/08/2019 20:31

Usually I think a NYE wedding is a bit of a dick move, but here it sounds as though she has chosen it because DH family will be in Europe already.

I also think it's fine to ask friends kids, especially as they are travelling from US.

It will be more expensive for her. Do you think she wants to have her wedding night in your mums spare room? Probably not. I'm guessing she can't afford to stay anywhere either.

Sorry op, weddings can be expensive for guests and it's frustrating. but I think she is doing what she can in this case.

cacklingmags · 29/08/2019 20:38

If you love her, just get on with it on her terms - its her wedding. You will probably have a great time seeing all your family.

TheCraicDealer · 29/08/2019 20:51

Wedding venues may cost less during the winter but those discounts usually exclude the Christmas and NYE periods. I would have considered an NYE wedding so was half looking out for the prices for it, but it was the same money as a Saturday in May-August so didn't bother. A friend is getting married in between Christmas and NY next year and is finding it hard to get vendors as so many take that time off, and those that are working can charge £££. However her reasons for picking that period (in-laws being in London regardless) are sound and considerate, it makes a lot of sense to cut down travelling for a large contingent of the overseas guestlist.

Anyway, OP I'd just get on with it. It was always going to cost you to attend regardless of when or where it was, you've just got to try and save cash where you can. Tbh accommodation at £500 per couple for four nights (£125 per night) isn't too bad for London at the best of times never mind over NYE which is normally silly money. Your DSis is a bit shortsighted staying with your mum but I can also understand wanting to get ready at and leave from "the family home". I just feel sorry for your mum having house guests for three weeks straight!

MerryChristmasHarry · 29/08/2019 21:04

I think the fact that NYE accommodation in London tends to be silly money is kind of OPs problem here!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 29/08/2019 21:32

Well, if your mum only lives in a two bed terraced house, you could hardly all have stayed there! You would still have had to book your own accomodation. Also, perhaps she sees it as an opportunity to catch up with her DM. Aside from chosing new years Day, I don't see how she could have done anything differently. She's criticized by you for wanting a big flash wedding,whilst alsowatching her pennies. I don't think that she can win tbh.

HugoSpritz · 29/08/2019 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weezol · 30/08/2019 09:35

I'm guessing £500 plus flights, food, drinks, transport, wedding outfits and gifts must be easily affordable for a lot of posters.

It isn't for a lot of people - that adds up to several months wages for many.

Jupiters · 30/08/2019 11:33

NYE is a great idea I think personally - you get time off over xmas anyway and can make a proper trip out of it for a week or so and catch up with the fam!
Not everyone gets time off between Christmas and New Year. I'm in the emergency services and working NYE is mandatory...days off are cancelled/not allowed to book leave for that day.
Not saying OP's in the same situation but just a reminder not everyone automatically gets time off.

Does seem a bit odd sister & BIL want to spend their wedding night in a bedroom next to DM/MIL!

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