AIBU to be pissed off at expense for her wedding?

[Tightorright]

My sister is getting married in London which is where we're from: except all of us kids emigrated. Her soon to be DH is from America, which is where they live. There was a massive hoo ha about where they would get married, in the US or UK, with my DM recommending they just have two small dos in both countries to keep things simple. However my sister decided to do a big thing in London because she wanted to dazzle his US crew (her words).

Our family is scattered over Europe. My sister set the date of the wedding: and she chose NYE. We told her that was a bad idea because of flights and venue expenses as well as town being mad, but it emerged that it had to be NYE because his family would be in Europe for Xmas anyway.

She has been really tight with her wedding despite getting four figure sums from both my DM and his to help with it, to the point where she decided that none of the cousins on our side would be invited (all our age), but that the young children of his friends (??????) would be. This has caused a little bit of friction in the family because we have aunts and uncles from our family, but none of our cousins there, and some people have been a bit offended.

Anyway, our DM lives in a small terraced house with two bedrooms. And rather than get a bridal suite or something (?) my sister has decided that she and soon to be DH will be staying at my mums. This means that all of us travelling from around Europe back to London not only have to buy our travel tickets for NYE which is really expensive (plus I dont have the cash to advance buy them now), but we also have to get an Air Bnb. An uncle coming down from Scotland has just been in touch and said he's found a place we could all get together but it will be 500 quid for four nights per couple.

I don't know I just feel annoyed because money is so tight for me atm. But am I being unreasonable? In her defence, what else could she do?

Things she could do to help with costs for those attending:

• not do it at one of the most expensive times of the year to have a wedding

• not prioritise having a big thing aimed at dazzling the Americans

• not monopolise the only free accommodation available

Weddings are expensive and stressful. You can never please everyone and everyone thinks they have a right to decide what happens. It's your sister and DBiL2B's wedding, let them do things how they want to do it.

You could always stay outside of London and travel in. The tube runs throughout the night on NYE so that could be an option.

Just do your best moneywise. Be happy for your sister and try and make it work for you to be there for your sister.

You would have expense for this wedding wherever and whenever it took place. It’s an expense caused by the fact you are all living all over the place - I know because we have the same (although admittedly my mum has a much larger house which she is deliberately hanging on to so she can put us all up!) I don’t know about the NYE thing - that’s clearly convenient for some, but there’s never an ideal time for everyone - at least most people will be off work at that time. The sooner you book your tickets the cheaper it will be and the more choice you will have about when you travel. £500 between four couples sounds like a bargain for the accommodation. Who to invite is always a bit of a minefield - in the end it’s up to them (and any offence caused will be directed at them alone).

Must be hard to watch your sister spending money on luxuries for her big day while you're struggling. But she is your sister, and it is her wedding, it's lovely she wanted to involve as many friends and family as possible from both sides of the pond . If you live in Europe, they live in the States and your mum lives in London, then London is the obvious venue being in the middle, so to speak. As for NYE, most people have a party and spend a bit of extra money going out on NYE so getting married then and combining costs makes sense. As does marrying from your mum's house, it's your sister's home too.

So see where you can cut costs, check train or coach travel as well as airtravel, recycle a pretty outfit you already own and tell sis your attending is her present. As others have said, £500 for two for four nights in London at any time is pretty good, especially as you'll save by being able to do your own meals unlike hotel stays, but you could always shop around for cheaper options, they do exist even in London. Then enjoy meeting her new family, and be happy for her on her big day - looking back in years to come, you'll be so pleased you did.

I think YANBU. Expecting family to travel from various parts of the world to a city you don’t even live in is bonkers especially on a day like NYE. NYE in London is absolutely rammed and travel/accommodation prices are ramped up as a result. Your sister has been quite selfish choosing this date imo.

I think YABU. Is the cost of London at NY so much more than the cost of travelling to the States for you? I would think not. And if his family is going to be in the UK for Christmas it makes perfect sense to have the wedding then - they are the guests who have to travel the furthest after all. I would have thought your mum would have wanted her dd to stay at hers during the wedding celebrations but if not she should say so.

Ultimately, if you dont want to go, or cant afford to go, then you dont have to. But do stop bitching about it.

Money will always seem a world away when someone is getting married, when I think now of all the stuff I flashed the cash on back then I want to scream at myself to get it into a bank account for the future but at the time you've saved or have gotten presents so it's kind of justified but I see how hard it must be to watch that when you're watching money. I never know about the NYE thing. I get that there's less demand for it and people think it's a nice way to get their family and friends under one roof so I don't know. As for the cousin thing, it's honestly up to your sister who she wants there, she might know the friends' kids even better than her cousins! I do get why you're not thrilled on it all but you very rarely have everyone happy with a wedding (which is a pity as there's so few nice times out with all your family and friends in life!)

You sound jealous of your sister's financial situation. YABU.

However, I do think that destination weddings are very selfish as they mean others have to spend large amounts of money to attend.

Between Christmas and new year is probably the cheapest time of the whole year to fly.

It doesn’t seem that she’s done anything outrageous you would have to travel unless she did it where you live. Sorry op YABU

The visa thing is very interesting. Have you asked her about that op?

Passthecherrycoke

@Jellybeansincognito you don’t understand that people invite guests to their wedding?

This thread is bonkers

^ of course I can understand why people want others there, but i don’t understand the pressure and financial expectations those people put on others when inviting them. Marriage is between the husband and the wife, there doesn’t need to be all this pressure.

Look what happens to flights on NYE though. That is booking this far in advance and is only Paris to London.

You are utterly, utterly unreasonable.

Your sister is coming 'home' for her wedding, making it much cheaper than if you'd gone to the US, but you're still bleating because you can't stay for free at your Mum's because your sister has already asked to?

Don't go if you don't want to or can't afford it, but let the people getting married make their own coices!

Choices

Yikes!! Yeah i'd just let it go - you would have to travel regardless of where or when it is - it would always be an expensive event for you! But you just gotta either suck it up and go or politely decline!

I got married last year and I had unnecessary drama/annoyance coming at me from my family, friends, his family about what they thought we should be doing - who we should invite etc...We just ignored and went ahead with what we wanted -

I didn't invite cousins as I am closer with my friends and would rather have them there tbh!

By all means have a moan on here or behind her back to whoever - but just don't let on to your sister that you feel like that !!It's hard to please everyone!!

NYE is a great idea I think personally - you get time off over xmas anyway and can make a proper trip out of it for a week or so and catch up with the fam!

Tell your sister she & fiance will have to get a hotel room. You & your other sister stay at your mum's. If she badly wants to be with her mum before the wedding she can book rooms for them & her/ an air b&b. Just tell them you can't afford anything else but you really want to be there for her wedding.

It's an invitation not a summons, I wouldn't go if I felt this strongly.

"However, I do think that destination weddings are very selfish as they mean others have to spend large amounts of money to attend."
@LonelyGir1 it's not a destination wedding, she's from London and is coming home to get married. The expense for the sister posting is that apart from her mum, they all live in other ocuntries so others are going to have to travel to attend.

Yes @CleansUpDragonPoo, and that will create an expense for other attendees as it will be a "destination" for them

@LonelyGir1 what do you expect her to do then? If having her wedding in London is selfish yet having it in the States is selfish as it costs others money, where exactly is she supposed to get married?

I think your sister is in a tough situation with trying to please everyone but I can see why some of what she has done would be frustrating. If she’s back over for 3 weeks it makes perfect sense for her to be at your mums. Also someone posted a price of flights on NYE being a lot higher but nobody actually will be flying on NYE as that’s when the wedding is 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry op I can't see what your sister has done wrong here. And she definitely as the bride gets priority for your mum's house.

She is going to be staying at your Mum's for a lot longer than 3 weeks if she doesn't get her visa situation sorted. Hopefully she already has a green card and then my warnings are all irrelevant!