To find him infuriating

[littleyellowjuicecup]

So every week I do the food shop. I take 2 toddlers with me, do the shop and arrive home as DH gets home from work. He then packs the shopping away.
I’m just getting mightily annoyed with his constant lack of care when putting things away.
He wastes us so much money on a weekly basis because he puts things in the wrong place.
This weeks effort was putting the pot of chilled carbonara sauce in a cupboard instead of the fridge to find 2 days later, a cook from frozen meat joint that specifies it must be kept frozen was put in the fridge so needed chucking as I’m not sure if you can cook from chilled.
The bottle of fresh chilled orange juice ended up in a cupboard along with some dairylea dunkers.
It pisses me off that we have probably wasted £10 this week on fresh food that needs to be chucked.
It’s the same with the laundry. I wash and he puts away. This week I’ve found jumpers in the pyjamas drawer, and pyjama tops in with the t-shirts so it takes me forever to find coordinating items.
Went to take the kids swimming last week, but couldn’t find their armbands. They were in the garage with the paddling pool toys 🤷‍♀️
He is a 40 year old man and acts like a man child. Why can he not put stuff away in the correct places???

OP takes two toddlers to do the weekly shop and because her OH is incompetent she should then put away the shopping herself?

Um, no. The OH should learn not to be a useless git.

I totally agree with what Graphista said.

There was a couples therapist doing an interview and she said every time a Husband pulled this shit, she told the couple that he had to stand in front of her and do the "fuck you" speech.

In the same way you'd make a child explain deliberate destructive behaviour.

It always stopped the behaviour or ended the marriage.

It sounds like you've got three toddlers!

He's annoying me and I don't even know him

I'd second the idea of making him eat the ruined food, waste not, want not and all that. Even better, wait til he's nearly eaten it, then ask if he thought it tasted ok as it had been left out of the fridge/freezer for a few days. This way, even if the food was still ok to eat, his mind will play tricks and he will feel ill. (My MIL does this with the meat, waits till you've nearly finished, then asks if it was cooked all the way through ).
Also, ruin his clothes in the washing machine, if he complains, suggest he does it himself (sauce for the goose etc).
Please do not get him colour coded bags, ffs, he is an adult.

would say if you like food in a specific place just do it yourself.

Ridiculous comment. It's not a matter of the OP's preferences FFS, it's the man ruining chilled and frozen food by putting them in what's obviously the wrong place.

Urgh I'm annoyed for you

I would say if you like food in a specific place just do it yourself it's not a specific place, it's the general place specified on the instructions to stop it spoiling!

OP presumably he manages to follow simple instructions at work, and doesnt suggest his boss does it himself if he makes a mistake!

Agree its deliberate unless he has some kind of additional needs. The correct place to store it is written on the back of the packet! And unless you buy wildly different food each time, he should be learning from what he did wrong last time. So I agree with people saying it's coming across as a passive aggressive fuck you for doing a job he sees as yours, its beneath him so he doesnt need to bother.

Tell him how it makes you feel, tell him to read the packet if hes not sure and use his fucking common sense and stop insulting you by ruining any savings you've made and negating your effort. Or tell him you'll start spending double and ordering from ocado where they put the bags into freezer fridge and ambient for you and they're colour coded

Hilarious that people think @SuzieBishop and I saying 'do it yourself' is preposterous, yet force feeding him gone off food or embarrassing him in front of his friends is ok.
Mumsnet is weird.

Oh, and since we're on the subject:

Dear parents,

Teach your kids to do chores RIGHT. If your kid didn't do the washing up well enough, tell them "This is not cleaned properly. Do it again please." Especially with boys. Don't congratulate your kids for doing a half job. "Oh, wow, you little wonder, you did the washing up and it's still covered in grease ? How wonderful! Well done!" NO ! Do it again until it's done properly.

That's how my mum was with me. I hated it. But now, I can cook, clean, mop, do laundry etc.

PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully.

Ponoka7 - thanks, good on that therapist but would be much better if these men hadn't been raised to be lazy, entitled arses in the first place!

"Hilarious that people think @SuzieBishop and I saying 'do it yourself' is preposterous, yet force feeding him gone off food or embarrassing him in front of his friends is ok." It IS preposterous! He's a grown ass man who is behaving appallingly. Why should op have to do more work simply cos he can't be arsed and thinks such tasks are unimportant?

Feeding him the food HE has ruined or honestly stating in front of others how useless he is to me is pretty much a natural consequence of his actions.

"PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully." I actually have DX ocd. Please don't make assumptions about how we are as parents. I've certainly not "bullied" dd as a result. She does pull her weight and does chores to a decent standard but because of her own pride in the tasks. Her starting to do her own laundry when she did was actually because she was expecting me to be a mindreader on exactly which clothes she wanted washed first including being able to tell the difference between (to me) identical uniform sweaters (apparently one was slightly easier to put on/take off on days she had pe).

I've shown her how to do chores over the years, but I have included "notes" along lines of "I do it this way because of the ocd, you don't have to do that particular element"

But I agree re some parents letting kids away with doing a shoddy job. Pointless.

The pizza and the meat would have been fine what on Earth. I do this weekly when I run out of freezer space!

Ok ok I admit, I sped read through it!! I didn’t really care where he was putting things so I skimmed through. Calm yourselves!! Obviously putting a frozen food item in the fridge is bloody stupid.

We have always went shopping as a couple, now we still do but he does the major shop, packs it and puts it away . He never does get cleaning stuff or toileries.
I find it best to leave him to his way..

@Graphista
I hope you feel better having got that all out of your system, I enjoyed reading it😂👏
Absolutely correct.

@Mushroomparty
Again, absolutely correct.

My PFB can be lazy but I'm not having it. I piss him off so much by calling him back to re-do the half arsed job he's done.

His father does so much, so well. He has super examples in us both, but somehow thinks he can just not bother.

Well not on my watch.

He has improved, but only because it's in his own interests to and he doesn't want me interrupting his "horizontal time" by calling him to do it again.

I found also saying "get the bus" instead of giving him lifts willy nilly to be very effective.

I honestly believe I'm doing him a favour for the future.
If he carried on with this he will be a pita to live with I certainly wouldn't blame any woman for not putting up with it.

He sounds like a bit of a dullard. I’d relieve him of that particular job and give him 2 more that he’s less likely to fuck up.

I can't get past the notion that all this stuff is 'ruined'. Milk can sit out for a bit and nothing bad will happen. So can orange juice. If a pizza or some meat goes into the fridge for a while, just cook it straight away. The meat could then be refrozen cooked if it wasn't ready to be eaten straight away.
Don't just assume that because something has been sitting out that it's inedible. Sniff it - unless it smells bad it's probably fine. I can't get over the food waste in this country, and so much of it is from the 'the spag bol was left sitting on the hob for an hour before going in the fridge so I had to bin it' brigade.

"PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully."

This is a knobbish thing to say.

I would have cooked the joint, and given the other stuff a quick sniff but it is annoying. Stand over him while he does it until he's trained?
I think men should live in a different place really, and just visit

OP I sympathise. My DH puts washing away in the wrong place, despite a chart sellotaped to the inside of every wardrobe. He also does the food shop online and regularly misses items or accidentally order 15 bananas instead of 5 (for example). At first I thought he was a stupid arse but when I actually watched him I realised he is just rushing everything to get it done quickly. Oh and I spent 10 minutes the other day turning the house upside down to find DCs shoes. I had to call him in the end to find out he had put them away in a completely obscure place - too outing to say exactly where but think somewhere like shoes in food cupboard.
Doing everything yourself isn’t the answer. Tried that and exhausted myself with no thanks. I went through a phase of pointing out every mistake he made in the hope it would make him realise how often he did these things. It didn’t stop him making them. The way I deal with it is by double checking important things (like a skim over the food shop the day before) and making a joke of the other stuff. It’s a laugh or cry situation but I just remind myself he is trying.

PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully

Jesus, are you always such a dickhead?!

@graphista "PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully."

I'm sorry, I didn't meant to offend at all. All I meant is if you have the kind of OCD that means everything must be spick and span 24 / 7 to an extremely high standard, that shouldn't be your kids' problems. I know OCD is not just "I need to clean all the time". And no, I don't think that having OCD makes you a bully.
I hope that's a bit clearer.

"Hilarious that people think @SuzieBishop and I saying 'do it yourself' is preposterous, yet force feeding him gone off food or embarrassing him in front of his friends is ok."
I never said "force feed him". I said "feed him". As in : put his food in his plate.

As for joking about his habits with his friends, I didn't mean humiliate him in a nasty way. It can be a casual, lighthearted conversation with some mates, where you mention this silly habits, everyone laughs and says "the fuck, dude! Come on, frozen meat in the cupboard? Reminds me of my wife when she did [insert something silly]".
Everyone has a laugh, husband realizes that yeah, he's a bit of a dick for doing that and maybe starts correcting this behaviour.

@IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Jesus, do you always take things the wrong way?

PS: this doesn't apply to parents with OCD that need everything perfect-perfect-perfect. Be sensible, not a bully.

What a knobbish comment. Being sensible is not putting frozen stuff in the fridge and not hiding refrigerated goods in cupboards. It's very far from bullying to expect a basic level of common sense and care here.

He's doing it wrong deliberately so you'll stop asking him to do it lmao

But no YANBU - this would drive me batshit. I can't stand wasted money.

Hmmm he is doing it on purpose so you give up and let him get away with you doing everything.

@Cheeserton, this is not what I meant, at all. Please, re-read my posts.

For those who think I'm a massive twat for saying what I said, I lived with someone who had (or claimed he had?) OCD. Never had this issue sorted, but I was expected to do things to his ridiculously high standard. It was exhausting. That is what I meant.

Again, for those at the back :

NO, I don't think people with OCD are bullies.
NO, I don't think that all people with OCD are cleaning freaks.
YES, I know that OCD takes many shapes and forms.

Is that clearer or am I gonna be called names for another 15+ posts?