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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thinking of rehoming our cat?

91 replies

Mozfan · 28/08/2019 23:35

My DS is 10 and a half months old.
He’s obsessed with our cat and when she’s in the room he gets so excited. He is always grabbing at her and patting her head really hard. He’s occasionally grabbed her and pulled out lots of fur.
We keep telling him no and separating them, but now he’s crawling and cruising the furniture he’s off again as soon as our backs are turned.
This evening he was crawling around crashing her in the living room giggling as she ran away from his advances each time.
She got herself behind the baby gate and hissed at him and showed her claws.

I’m really worried that he’s going to push it too far and she’ll bite or scratch him. I’m especially concerned in case she scratches his face and particularly eyes of course. She’s also an outdoor cat who hunts so she’ll have bacteria in her claws.

Does anyone have any ideas apart from rehoming her?

Apart from saying no and removing him from her, DS obviously doesn’t understand properly yet.

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 29/08/2019 09:11

One thing we found really helped was to put their food in a place that's completely inaccessible to DS (not just out of reach but in sight, as then he still tries to reach up and shouts at them, which they don't like), as then that quickly felt like a nice and positive place for them - we actually did this by fitting an internal cat flap (effectively ruining a door, but that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of baby costs!), which means they have a whole safe room. Obviously we should instead have been such effective parents that we simply clicked our fingers and DS obediently turned around and went the other way, perhaps while pausing to make me a quick snack and a small gift to show his appreciation for my excellent mothering, but as shit parents who found that an actual baby isn't always perfectly biddable this seemed like a good solution.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 29/08/2019 09:19

Good god people depress me sometimes.

Trying to act like its not their responsibility to stop an apparently lightning-fast but ninja-silent toddler?

And the solution is to boot out the cat?

Christ OP. Have a word with yourself. Your definition of "a second or two" is way off if your kid can do that much damage to an animal without you noticing.

Branleuse · 29/08/2019 09:21

I would wait this stage out and just make sure she can always escape.

Spinnaret · 29/08/2019 09:49

Although complications are rare, cat scratch disease can be fatal. It should not be dismissed as trivial and the way to teach kids to live alongside each other to get a harmless scratch so they learn to leave each other alone. Cats and children can perfectly well live together, it just takes high parental vigilance and plenty of safe/high spaces as others have already said.

www.cdc.gov/healthypets/diseases/cat-scratch.html

Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 09:54

@FamilyOfAliens Well you’re incorrect, because that isn’t my intention at all and if I can avoid it happening, which I’m sure I can now reading these replies, then I will.

It must be wonderful to be so high and mighty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 09:59

@BuzzShitbagBobbly I forgot you had cameras watching me in my house and knowing how long I had turned my back for.

For your information, we keep them separated as much as possible and as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, are encouraging our DS to use gentle hands, gentle strokes etc. We don’t leave him hurting her or grabbing her.
Occasionally while supervised! he will be stroking her/patting her and copying what we do then suddenly he’ll grab her and we’ll tell him no and remove him or her from the situation then tell him, although he is yet to understand properly, that we need to be gentle and nice to her.

I’m just thinking of the bigger picture and being a FTM it’s all new to me, I was brought up with dogs and I’ve never had a cat. Although my OH grew up with both.

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 29/08/2019 09:59

I'm surprised the cat stays in the room! Your ds will grow quickly and will be able to understand what to do and what not to do with the cat but you have to keep teaching him.

When ds was a baby he knew from even that young age that pulling on the dog was not on and they were constantly supervised. Obviously because I wouldn't leave a dog around a baby but also for the dogs protection.

No need to rehome the cat just keep on with the teaching.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 29/08/2019 10:02

It's not people being high and mighty, it's distress for the cat's wellbeing, and annoyance that you are coming across like it is all completely outwith your control to safely care for both the cat and your child.

You've repeatedly said it was just a second or two but in that time your child has managed to get from wherever they were when you were safely supervising, to the cat, and pull its actual fur out?

It's surely blindingly obvious that you need to remove the child from the cat's vicinity until he understands what your "modelling gentle hands" means in reality, but your go-to was "rehome the cat"?

dayslikethese1 · 29/08/2019 10:15

From what I hear, a lot of cats get dumped in shelters for this reason, makes me sad Sad

FamilyOfAliens · 29/08/2019 10:16

Also, OP, lots of us have had babies with existing cats in the home - I had two. Our cat was 16 by the time DC2 came along.

You must surely be aware of the numbers of cats rehomed because of a new baby arriving.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 29/08/2019 10:16

BuzzShitbagBobbly I forgot you had cameras watching me in my house and knowing how long I had turned my back for.

Confused I was quoting you.

"he’s off again as soon as our backs are turned."
"When I say I left them for a few seconds. I literally mean turning my back to do something in the same room."
"turning my back in the same room for a second or two"

"This evening he was crawling around [chasing] her in the living room giggling as she ran away from his advances each time."
(this time though, you were presumably watching him do this to be able to say so? And didn't stop him.)

LiveInAHidingPlace · 29/08/2019 10:19

OP: what can I do?

Other posters: useful suggestions from own experience

OP: nah cos I've already made my mind up

Just rehome it OP. That's what you want to hear.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 29/08/2019 10:32

Rehome the cat.
She deserves a better home than yours.

RubaDubMum89 · 29/08/2019 10:53

When DD was this age, we had three cats. One very old and grumpy moggy, who scratched her early on and she learned to leave him alone (she pulled his tail, he scratched her arm) it sounds harsh but, we didn't give her any sympathy, she asked for it. In the future when we saw her eyeing up his tail it was a mantra of "remember last time, when he scratched you and you cried?"

We also had a two year old cat, who took more abuse but ran when she had enough. Over the baby gate and up the stairs. Our living room door was never shut for this reason.

The third and youngest cat unfortunately died (not at the hands of DD) then, we ended up getting a nine week old kitten. Not entirely by choice. This was hell on earth. DD was around 15 months and we literally spent six months preventing her from killing him and teaching her how to be with him. He is an incredibly passive cat with her, I think because he's never known anything else other than her 'playing' with him.

The hard work paid off though OP. There were many scratches, MANY. Some a little too close for comfort, but, each one was a lesson learned. Now, they're best friends. Where ever she is, he is. She's nearly three now. They play together, sleep together, he let's her 'wash him' (he literally sits on the edge of the bath and she washes him), dry him, all sorts.

Persevere OP. It'll be worth it in the end.

Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 11:16

These replies are atrociously rude.

I have NOT made ANY decision to rehome. Any decision would be extremely difficult and we are looking at other routes to avoid this, as I’ve said above.
I got her from a rescue centre and she was a stray who had a very difficult time of it, so no way do I want to rehome her. But I also don’t want my son to be injured. So I’m hoping after careful modelling from us, he’ll learn to not grab her like he does at times and they can become friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 11:18

@RubaDubMum89 thank you for this reply. I am happy to put the hours in and I want them to have a good relationship, because I don’t want to rehome her.

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 29/08/2019 11:18

Does anyone have any ideas apart from rehoming her?

Yeah keep your baby and the cat separated until the child is old enough to be taught to respect animals. It ain't rocket science Hmm

Alb1 · 29/08/2019 11:19

It sounds like you already have the right idea OP (gentle touch, supervising etc), so it’s just riding it out and carrying on, taking the advice on board if you can (lots of high areas for cat) and waiting it out. The cat will learn to stay out of the way now your baby is mobile, and your baby will hopefully learn being mean = scratch. It’s a massive problem people having kids and then getting rid of pets, they end up in overcrowded shelters or used as dog fighting bait, or or as strays, which is why people are passionate about this not happening as I’m sure you understand. You couldn’t guarantee your cat will get a good home or be happy without you so I really think keeping your pet is the best for everyone, hopefully your little one or the cat will learn quickly. I always had cats growing up, I did get a few scratches but I loved them and they were part of my family and taught me responsibility and to love animals, long term keeping the cat is the right thing to do and I’m sure itl work out

detectivebird · 29/08/2019 11:22

poor cat Sad

makes me so cross when people get a pet as a stopgap before babies then the pets are demoted as soon as baby comes along. your cat needs you and loves you. take some responsibility and keep them apart until your son is old enough to be aware of how to act around the cat.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/08/2019 11:27

If your child is injured, OP, it will be because you didn’t succeed in doing what many people on here have managed to do. Not because you have a cat problem.

expatinspain · 29/08/2019 11:37

At this age you should just be keeping them
apart. A baby shouldn't even be encouraged to stroke a cat, they just can't be gentle and don't understand gentle hands or anything like that at that age. Start with all that when they're a bit older. For now, no touching the cat.

My cats pretty much stayed away from DD until she was a toddler and they were indoor cats living in a flat, so it is possible. Good idea to get the cat one of the felaway plug ins to keep their stress levels down abc just wait it out. They'll be best friends in a few years.

saraclara · 29/08/2019 11:45

FFS, the OP never said she'd rehome the cat. She asked for any ideas "other than rehoming it"
In other words she asked people NOT to suggest rehoming it.
This place is nuts sometimes.

saraclara · 29/08/2019 11:47

Dammit. My bad. I've just seen the title of the thread.
Blush

gamerchick · 29/08/2019 12:12

At this age you should just be keeping them apart. A baby shouldn't even be encouraged to stroke a cat

Actually, this is probably your best and easiest bet. Treat cat like a hot fire as far as the bairn is concerned. No touching at all. No gentle hands or other stuff like that.

Cats out of bounds for now.

Tobythecat · 29/08/2019 13:01

For fucks sake. This is why I hate most people. Kid comes along and the dog/cat is no longer needed and is re-homed. I like how your first concern isn't your child hurting the cat but rather the cat hurting your child as a natural response to having clumps of its fur pulled out.

How about you be a proper parent and CONSTANTLY supervise your baby whilst the cat is about, to prevent this from happening? Even if it means putting him in a playpen whilst you nip to the toilet or even take the kid with you to the toilet.

Fucking hell people like you just make me despair of humanity.

As for rude responses, I thought they were rather mild. If i knew you i'd want to shake the shit out of you for allowing your kid to torment an animal.