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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thinking of rehoming our cat?

91 replies

Mozfan · 28/08/2019 23:35

My DS is 10 and a half months old.
He’s obsessed with our cat and when she’s in the room he gets so excited. He is always grabbing at her and patting her head really hard. He’s occasionally grabbed her and pulled out lots of fur.
We keep telling him no and separating them, but now he’s crawling and cruising the furniture he’s off again as soon as our backs are turned.
This evening he was crawling around crashing her in the living room giggling as she ran away from his advances each time.
She got herself behind the baby gate and hissed at him and showed her claws.

I’m really worried that he’s going to push it too far and she’ll bite or scratch him. I’m especially concerned in case she scratches his face and particularly eyes of course. She’s also an outdoor cat who hunts so she’ll have bacteria in her claws.

Does anyone have any ideas apart from rehoming her?

Apart from saying no and removing him from her, DS obviously doesn’t understand properly yet.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 29/08/2019 05:14

If she is an outdoor cat, does she have a cat flap? If he is chasing her around, it doesn't sound like she can get away. She sounds like she has been very patient so far. She needs to be able to completely get away from him (not hiss from behind a baby gate). If you can't provide a 'safe place' for her, I would consider rehoming.

BeardedMum · 29/08/2019 05:23

YABVU plenty of cats and children co exist happily. Your ds will get scratched but it won’t kill him. My children and my cats have grown up together and are best friends. Of course you have to supervise at the moment.

Limpshade · 29/08/2019 06:14

You can teach him about gentle hands even at that age.

Put down something the cat loves to eat, eg a treat such as dreamies, then take your son's hand and put it on the cat with your fingers in his palm so he can't close it. Practise stroking with "gentle hands" and keep repeating that. The moment he tries to grab or pull, say "no, we use gentle hands" and take him away. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I have a 2yo and a 1yo, and they both understand that they have to be very careful of the cat, who is an old lady now and a grumpy personality! She usually keeps out of the way (baby-gated area of the house) when they are both at home, but that's more to do with the noise they make. She is comfortable being stroked by either of them, even the 15mo, because 90% of the time they handle her like porcelain. If they don't, they are immediately taken away.

Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 07:52

I think some of these replies are a little harsh.
When I say I left them for a few seconds. I literally mean turning my back to do something in the same room. He’s that quick.

We do teach him kind hands and model how to stroke her properly, as well as telling him no.

I’m also thinking of her well being as I’m sure she’s not enjoying being pulled around when it does happen.

We have a cat tree and she goes out a lot too. Or upstairs.

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 29/08/2019 08:00

"I literally mean turning my back to do something in the same room. He’s that quick."

So don't do that then?

People aren't being harsh. They're being honest. I'm so tired of reading about animals being abandoned because the owners couldn't be arsed any more.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 29/08/2019 08:03

You’re right - if he carries on terrorising the cat of course it will protect itself. It’s your job to teach him not to! I am bemused that instead you want to remove the cat. It’s like saying - my child keeps touching the hot oven, do I get rid of it and eat only sandwiches? Of course not. Be a bloody parent.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 29/08/2019 08:08

And to those saying it’s developmentally impossible, of course it’s bloody not. We never had stair gates or plug covers, we simply said no very firmly and took them down/away. Rinse and repeat. It’s really not complicated. This is all part of today’s general trend towards being a child’s mate rather than a parent. It’s like people have been parentally lobotomised.

Original poster
Mozfan · 29/08/2019 08:10

Right so I’m a bad parent for turning my back in the same room for a second or two? How unreasonable of me.

I’m taking steps to ensure he understands the importance of treating her gently, as I said, both me and my partner are modelling gentle hands but it takes a second for something to happen.

We’re not going to have her rehomed, but depending how things progress we’ll need to assess the situation further down the line, when he’s able to understand better.

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 29/08/2019 08:12

And to those saying it’s developmentally impossible, of course it’s bloody not. We never had stair gates or plug covers, we simply said no very firmly and took them down/away. Rinse and repeat.

Yeah, what you had then was cautious babies who were pretty slow physically. Congrats.

MashedSpud · 29/08/2019 08:16

Turning your back or looking at your phone? Seriously if your baby can crawl that fast you need to be watching him like a hawk.

Give your poor cat escape routes because I don’t believe for a second the cat is just sitting there waiting to be abused while your child is crawling towards it.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 29/08/2019 08:17

If your child was in a room with an open fire, you wouldn’t turn your back. You’d take steps to make it safe until they learned not to go near it. It’s the same here. I’ve had kids and animals and been around kids and animals. The ones who chase and pull tails and terrorise are those whose parents don’t properly addresss it. You need to lower your voice, put on a serious face and even issue a short sharp ‘no!’ When he goes to chase/pull. And loads of praise when he’s kind. Get a play pen or stair gates to keep them separate if you need to and/or put the cats bed up high for a time.

Escape routes aren’t the lesson though unless you want a child who pulls the wings off insects and kicks dogs. It starts now, it should have started much younger, as soon as he was in any way mobile and touching the cat, but you can catch up now with loads of hard work.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 29/08/2019 08:18

Newaccount - no I didn’t. I was simply a very active parent who was clear she was going to bring up children whom she could keep safe and kind by doing what they are bloody told. Jesus.

Maneandfeathers · 29/08/2019 08:23

My DS did this a few times and got scratched. Never did it again and didn’t die either.

They love eachother now Blush

HandsOffMyRights · 29/08/2019 08:23

YABVU

Separate them and wait for this phase to pass. The cat will learn to run, unfortunately.

I had twin babies and three cats. While mine didn't seem particularly bothered by the cats the cats kept out the way when the children were at the crawling and near walking stages!

Please do not rehome this poor cat.

NewAccount270219 · 29/08/2019 08:23

To be clear: I absolutely think that the cat's safety and comfort should be a top priority, but that's why I think 'just teach your 10 month old not to!' is a stupid solution. Teach him (we spend hours doing 'gentle hands') but there need to be other strategies too - constant supervision, separating them (which can be hard - one of our cats is fascinated by DS and follows him around, but of course DS still can't be trusted with him. This is a pain because a cat can get over a baby gate, so they're only useful to separate a baby and a cat if the cat wants to be separated). It's going to be a good few months before a 10 month old can be relied upon (DS is 13 months and we're having some success with 'gentle hands' but it's not by any means 100% yet, so we still need all the other strategies).

ElPontifico · 29/08/2019 08:27

Just here to say that babies change VERY fast (as a previous poster said).

This is a situation you only have to manage for a few months before the baby understands how to treat the cat. I wouldn't rehome on that basis.

gamerchick · 29/08/2019 08:28

This will pass you know OP. yes you have to constantly supervise them. I think I contemplated putting a cat flap in the door of one of the bedrooms that locked at one point. (Mine was older with ASD). I even had him sitting on the freezer while I cooked, to keep the cat safe. Took around 10 months of constant supervision and teaching.

Yes he might get a slap from the cat but it won't kill him and will teach its own lesson.

bigKiteFlying · 29/08/2019 08:29

Ceiling-high cat trees possibly linked to cat shelves or put so cat can get on top of cupboards?

Or keeping the seperate by closing doors.

Maybe get some long reach cat toys - see if you can teach him to play with the cat with those - or balls - mine love to chase balls around - or something that mean he can interact with the cat but not be close to claws.

VenusClapTrap · 29/08/2019 08:29

You just need to put the hours in to teach your child how to behave with the cat, just like you teach them to use a knife and fork, potty train, tie their shoelaces etc etc. None of these things happen overnight without effort and a lot of tedious repetition, but you’ll get there in the end.

stayathomer · 29/08/2019 08:34

Your ds will get scratched but it won’t kill him.
Really? I hate this attitude. My d's (4) was in mill's house and I pulled him out of the way as their dog was nipping near him ( he's teething) and his teeth touched off ds' hand. Ds said it really shocked and mil said (to ds) 'he didn't even break skin!'

As for the person who said they should have taken it into consideration before th ery had a child Confused

BeardedMum · 29/08/2019 08:49

I think a dog is different than a cat. Honestly a scratch from a cat won’t kill a child. Children grow up with animals and even live on farms you know.

Derbee · 29/08/2019 08:52

You might feel people are being harsh, but to most people thinking of giving away your pet rather than keeping an eye on your baby until he’s more gentle seems brutal and heartless.

Your baby will get used to being gentle, as he gets older. Your cat will learn to avoid the baby until he is more gentle. To rip your cat away from it’s home and leave it in a rescue centre because the relationship between your baby and cat needs managing, is harsh and callous.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 29/08/2019 08:53

"Right so I’m a bad parent for turning my back in the same room for a second or two?"

Do you leave your child with a bottle of bleach in front of him then turn your back? Do you turn your back when he's in the bath? Or when you're outside by a busy road?

I'm guessing no.

So what is the difference?

No one called you a bad parent. A bad pet owner, maybe.

Inforthelonghaul · 29/08/2019 08:55

OP people really need to get a grip. Cats are clever creatures and will avoid annoying children as long as they are able to escape when they want to. Children learn quickly to avoid anything that hisses or scratches them too. All my DC have been scratched at some point and have a healthy respect for those claws. Cats do hiss and scratch when they’re threatened that’s normal behaviour and unless it’s a leopard it’s a totally different thing to a dog biting (and I speak as an owner of both). No child ever had it’s face bitten off by a cat!

Make sure the cat has a safe space to avoid the child. Teach the child that it’s not nice to chase animals and to be gentle with it. That’s it really, like everything it just takes time and patience.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/08/2019 09:01

I’m also thinking of her well being as I’m sure she’s not enjoying being pulled around when it does happen.

So make sure it doesn’t happen, ffs!

Why do I get the feeling this cat is going to be rehomed regardless of what people are saying about your responsibilities as a pet-owner, OP?

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