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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People with experience living abroad

125 replies

FloatingObject · 28/08/2019 17:16

Whether British in another country, or from another country living in the UK....

Do you/did you ever get homesick? What for? Have you considered moving back to the UK? If you moved back to the UK, do you regret it at all?

I'm asking because I feel unsure what to do with Brexit looming. I really miss the UK and want to come back. On the other hand I'm worried that doing so will remove any chance of residency permits/nationality I could potentially get here (EU) - and what if I'm just romanticising the UK? Would like to read your thoughts, whatever your perspective. The going back and forth in my head is really grinding me down. My heart tells me to go home but my head is telling me I could regret it.

OP posts:
araiwa · 29/08/2019 13:36

6 years away

Zero homesickness
Zero desire to move back

Going back on holiday for the first time but thats pretty much only to see my parents.

I left for a reason and from what ive seen, those reasons are bigger now than before.

Queenunikitty · 29/08/2019 13:48

I grew up abroad (non EU), moved to the UK as a teen, then lived abroad (also non EU) recently for 3 years with a toddler. My view is that people really don’t appreciate how easy life is in the UK, there is education and healthcare available if you need it. Also there are so many worker’s rights, disability rights etc even consumer and data protection and of course basic human rights. You take these things for granted but really notice when they aren’t there. I don’t think Brexit will be as negative as some predict. The world is getting smaller and it is more difficult/expensive to live well every where, we thought we would be better off back in the UK in the difficult years ahead.

Yarboosucks · 29/08/2019 13:52

I lived overseas for 15 years and we came back for my job.... I regret it daily. The UK I left and the one I returned to are two different countries. I left a great EU country and find myself on this broken little island. I have a lovely house, great job and all should be great, but I don't like the country, the politics, the potholes, the lack of variety on all the high streets, the sheer complacency of this place and I cannot shift that feeling. If I could leave, I would and I would not look back.

mbosnz · 29/08/2019 13:55

There is stuff that is wrong with the UK, no doubt about it.

There is much that is right.

No place is perfect.

MollyButton · 29/08/2019 14:01

Homesickness is normal.

BUT home might not really be there when you get back. For example if you left 5 years ago, the home you might miss is that home of 5 years ago. But the country has changed (UK - massively so). Friends and their children will have got older. People will have moved. New things will have come in (Vaping, new GCSEs, anti-foreigner feelings).

this is the problem a lot of ex-pats have when they come home - the place they thought they were returning to doesn't exist anymore. Their friendship groups can have dissolved, and places change.

Leapyearlover · 29/08/2019 14:09

I've lived in Italy for over 20 years and still love visiting the UK but not sure I would want to move back. It's got a lot more insular and unfriendly in the last few years. Oh well, at least Brexit has cured my homesickness!

Rainbowhairdontcare · 29/08/2019 14:16

I've lived about 15 our of my 35 years abroad. I get homesick, but only because I don't like where I live. I think if I lived in London it would be a different matter.

I've lived in Mexico, Australia, France and the UK.

I think all countries have similar things to offer. However,I think it's a lot easier to live a comfortable life in Mexico than any of the other countries I've lived in.

I can't wait for my eldest to go to Uni so I can move back to my home country. I don't know if I'll like it, but I think I have to give it a chance and DH agrees.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 29/08/2019 14:17

Lived in Denmark for 12 years, settled with a baby and not moving back. It suits me more. I get homesick pangs but they're certainly never problematic and I've never doubted my choice. I don't think I'm going to be ripped away from my family over Brexit, but it's going to get more complicated. Ah well.

You know what I miss about he UK? Geography. Denmark is great, I love it but it's just.... flat. It makes the Netherlands seem mountainous. We were in the UK on holiday last year, and the drive from Bath to Poole was just so damn...charming! Little winding steep roads, random little cottages strewn about. Denmark doesn't have that.

And Salad Cream. A real bugger to find Salad Cream here. My Danish partner tried it and wouldn't believe me that it hadn't gone off, so I suppose it may not be popular here.

anothernotherone · 29/08/2019 14:20

I actually think "you can never go home is true", or would be for me.

I miss the North sea, I live somewhere beautiful with mountains and forests and pristine lakes and we can drive to Italy and Croatia for beaches but as I get older I miss the wild coast of northern England, Scotland and Ireland.

I import tea.

I don't think other things I miss exist any more, nothing stats the same. When we visit everything looks run down, shabby and overcrowded. The country I miss only exists in my probably rose tinted memory/ imagination.

I doubt I'd ever move back to anywhere in the UK and when I say home I mean the house I've lived in for 12 years, longer than I ever lived in any one place in the UK - the house I brought 2 of my children home to as newborns and the only home any of my children remember.

When you emigrate you're never 109% at home anywhere though, you're always very slightly an outsider.

It suits me though as my parents moved around a lot within the UK when I was small and settled far from either extended family, we had the wrong accent and they sent us to out of area private school and the local children thought that meant we were "stuck up" though none of it was our choice as kids, so I've always felt slightly different/ like an outsider. It's easier actually being a foreigner!

I have citizenship of my adopted country but like the fact that I could move elsewhere in the EU once the kids fly the best - maybe to live near the sea somewhere or other!

Riverviews · 29/08/2019 14:21

32 years abroad, mostly in UK. Originally from Spain.

I don't feel homesick at all. Never did. Low cost airlines make it easy to go home if you want to. The main issue is dealing with sick parents as the years go by.

I'll always be Spanish but my home is in London

girlwithadragontattoo · 29/08/2019 14:25

Expat currently living in Portugal, this is my 3rd year.
Sometimes i miss the rain, especially when we have 30 degree heat for 6ish months of the year. I miss wearing jeans in the summer.
I have cravings for certain types of food but to be honest you can get most of it here as Iceland/Waitrose have an overseas supermarket.
One thing i do find over here is that clothes sizes are very different and i do miss going to a big shopping centre.
I've never been homesick, not once and I'm not very used to the way of life. I've not been back home since i moved either and I'm in no rush to.

tooyoungat40 · 29/08/2019 14:27

The past is a foreign country, so they say. nearly 10 years abroad here. Missed the UK very much in the first couple of years. Now I have mastered the language, learned the ins and outs of the culture and got used to the food. Miss Salad Cream, but can get it if prepared to pay a premium. The UK I left behind no longer exists. No desire to go back, especially in light of Brexit. To be honest, and not meaning to sound smug, we have it extremely good here. Got our permanent residency and are applying for citizenship so we can continue to enjoy the benefits of being European citizens. Wouldn't want to back to the UK except for a holiday.

SagelyNodding · 29/08/2019 14:29

Abroad since 2005 in an EU country. I love it, and am applying for nationality at the moment. I have no desire to return to the UK, except to visit my family. I'm never homesick, but I do feel the guilt of leaving aging parents... When I visit I like England less and less, except for the courteous driving!

LinoleumBlownapart · 29/08/2019 14:29

I live abroad. Have done on and off for the last 20 years. I miss the UK but there are so many benefits to living abroad. It also depends on where you live. Some places are awful. I prefer where I live now to where I was before, as I speak the language and people are more deeply friendly in this culture rather than just superficially friendly as in the other culture. Language makes a big difference but English speaking countries are usually more difficult to just up and move to as they are often wealthy and have strict visa rules. Language can be isolating. Where I was before there was much higher crime, greater poverty and the education where I am now is light years better but on the other hand there was free healthcare and less danger of school shootings in the other place. The UK tops both places for these factors.
We have a bigger house, more space, better weather and higher wages than we would have in the UK. The people too are generally less miserable. I look for the best in situations, I'm happy here, I was happy where I was before, I'd be happy to go back to the UK. Whatever patch of the earth's crust you call home will come with its own set of challenges.

yoursworried · 29/08/2019 14:31

I get homesick pretty much every day! I live in SE Asia and my DH and I earn way more money and my kids have a fab lifestyle. Time limited though- only 2,5 years to go me and I'm sure then I'll miss my fabulous host country.
But, for me home is where the heart is and the UK is where I want my kids to go to secondary school and where I want to be

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 29/08/2019 14:34

I spent most of my childhood in Europe being dragged around with df's postings and then as an adult have spent extended periods in Canada (where dh has a lot of family) and Mexico. I have missed specific things, people, places, take out, proper crusty bread but not what I'd call homesickness.

We're in Scotland at the moment which I do love but as dh has citizenship of another EU country as well, we're considering our options.

berlinbabylon · 29/08/2019 14:38

I think the main issue in the UK, leaving aside Brexit, is the cost of housing. Some people have amazing houses overseas, for a fraction of the cost here. So I would like to sell up and buy something better and bigger for less money abroad.

But I don't care about high streets being the same, I like chains because you know what you are getting and I find independents unreliable, open when they like, don't have good returns policies etc. Although it was very noticeable that where my friend lives in Germany, in a town of similar population to where I live, that the shopping centre was so much more vibrant and so many shops. But they don't shop online to the same extent. Both advantages and disadvantages.

I think Brexit does affect day to day life because you can't plan. I guess a lot of people are just ignoring it, saying it will be ok and carrying on. But I am not even booking running races post 31 October because I don't know if I will be able to get enough petrol to get to them.

But generally - I don't think the UK is any better or any worse than a lot of European countries (except for the incessant litter - why are we such litterbugs). Everywhere has mess, graffiti, drunks, homeless people. Healthcare isn't wonderful everywhere. Public transport isn't reliable everywhere. People are rude and miserable everywhere and you get bad drivers everywhere.

Do any other countries have chuggers? That is a scourge in the UK.

As pps have said, it is very individual.

mbosnz · 29/08/2019 14:39

I went back to New Zealand, after four years living in the UK.

It's very true, you can never go home to the way you remember it being.

I remember spending the first couple of years there being very frustrated and homesick to come back here!

Can't please some people, can you?l!

CheeseChipsMayo · 29/08/2019 15:14

Ive lived over half my life overseas-Had occasional bouts of homesickness in 1st few yrs but for the nights out with mates&curries&familiarity of conversations with those you"ve known all ur life.. christ knows when ive been back to UK on hols its seemed depressingly shabby &people seem so doom&gloomy/negative-but with good reason id say!.I know living in a rich young country with a v high standard of living has left its mark as things that bother me now in UK(overcrowding,congested streets,dirty streets,small houses&yards)didnt raise an eyebrow when i was leaving.. Ive lived in USA,N.Z,Australia&Italy since leaving UK and would never give up what i have now-feeling more at home/accepted/successful in my adopted country&DC have not rated UK when we've visited-they identify as Aussies&love their lives here..which obviously im chuffed about-since better opportunities/more leisure&family time was why we had DC outside of UK.

RainOrSun · 29/08/2019 16:45

So, here you are
too foreign for home
too foreign for here.
Never enough for both.

Ijeoma Umebinyuo

stopgap · 29/08/2019 16:52

I’ve lived in the US since 2003, at first in NYC and now in its suburbs. I absolutely adore it, but am somewhat insulated because I live in a socially liberal, highly educated town, and suspect I wouldn’t do as well if I was in rural Kentucky or something.

There are so many activities for my children to enjoy here. The list is astonishing and endless, and everything is professionally run. Plus it’s a town of fitness nuts, which suits me down to the ground.

I miss my family, even though I see them 3/4 times a year, plus miss the English countryside, good pubs, county shows, London, and excellent public transportation. But not enough to move back. Hoping Elizabeth Warren stomps home to victory in next year’s election!

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 29/08/2019 20:34

RainOrSun thank you for posting that - I looked her up, read some of her poems online and have just ordered Questions for Ada Flowers

DapperZapper · 29/08/2019 20:43

Been living in Spain 11 years. Have taken Spanish Nationality now, as have DH and the DC, so luckily brexit isn't an issue.

I don't miss the UK at all. I dislike it more every time I go back. Family and friends love coming here to visit so luckily I rarely have to go back.

I would never move back. It's a lovely place to bring up the DC. Food and weather are better and we have a really nice life. The DC are in a fantastic local (state) school and the healthcare (state) is brilliant. People are friendly and we have really good coffee ;) Honestly couldn't want for more.

travellerexpat · 29/08/2019 20:50

I’ve lived in France for 11 years, and no intention of returning to the UK.
I don’t think of it as home, but it is so familiar as my siblings and parents still live there, and due to Ryanair ( I know it gets bad press) and the flexibility of my work, I can go back monthly or bimonthly. So I eat all my favourite food, shop in primary, see my old friends, and after about 5 days I’m ready to come home.
In my corner of France, there are lots of Brits, so you can chat awayin English. My French is pretty much fluent, but I don’t have all the nuances of the language, so after about half a day speaking non stop French, it’s tiring.
I think if you relocate not too far, it really is possible to have the best of both worlds. I need my «fix» of the UK. But where I live in France is just too beautiful and the quality of life is amazing.

clockworklime · 29/08/2019 21:02

laughs in spanish

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