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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People with experience living abroad

125 replies

FloatingObject · 28/08/2019 17:16

Whether British in another country, or from another country living in the UK....

Do you/did you ever get homesick? What for? Have you considered moving back to the UK? If you moved back to the UK, do you regret it at all?

I'm asking because I feel unsure what to do with Brexit looming. I really miss the UK and want to come back. On the other hand I'm worried that doing so will remove any chance of residency permits/nationality I could potentially get here (EU) - and what if I'm just romanticising the UK? Would like to read your thoughts, whatever your perspective. The going back and forth in my head is really grinding me down. My heart tells me to go home but my head is telling me I could regret it.

OP posts:

Troels · 28/08/2019 18:21

30 years abroad (only lived in UK till finished college) now back after living with homsickness for years.
Now suffering from reverse culture shock in the UK for the last 5 years. We may not stay after retirement, still sitting on the fence. Depends what the kids decide to do.

cardamoncoffee · 28/08/2019 18:22

I moved to ME and missed the weather, NHS, free schooling, SEN provision, bargain shops such as The Works, pound shops etc but was otherwise happy. In some ways regret coming back but then remember the lovely summer walks along the sea/rivers/mountains we take here and it makes it worth it. Heat and dust used to confine us to the house a lot. I intend to move though when youngest finishes A levels.

drsausage · 28/08/2019 18:32

I miss my UK friends and family, and some of the food. I miss some of the scenery. That's about it.

I feel more accepted in the country I moved to than I ever did in the UK. I have a different accent but I'm not an outsider.

It wasn't until I left the UK that I realised how strongly I felt that I didn't belong there. Where I live now is 'home'.

I guess OP you need to work out where 'home' is for you, and if you need to live somewhere you feel at home, and what you'd give up to achieve that (and if you have children, what they'd have to give up).

LadyRannaldini · 28/08/2019 18:37

When we lived abroad, albeit with the military although we tended to live outside that stultifying environment as much as possible, it was odd. When we were abroad that was home, as though the UK didn't exist, when we were in the UK for holidays it was as though our other house didn't exist!
There were many things we missed from the UK and there we things we missed from our other home, now we are back in the UK for good we still like to buy things that remind us of our other life.

AloneLonelyLoner · 28/08/2019 18:38

I lived in Europe pre-internet and it was very different to now. I know live in Europe again and yet because of the internet I don't feel like I'm far away.
I have days of feeling just so homesick and sad but I know my kids are better off here. The health system and the schools are better. Sure there are problems but the Brexit shitshow has made me realise that Britain isn't the place I want to be now. Here is my home. I doubt I'll go back to the UK now (unless Scotland gets independence , then maybe eventually I'll be tempted!)

iwantanewusername · 28/08/2019 18:40

Like a PP, I miss my friends and family but to be honest, even when I was in the UK I didn't see them everyday or every week, we were always in contact over the phone/WhatsApp so in that sense nothing has really changed - just the timezones. I also miss some of the food but my family came to visit me recently and so I am all stocked up!

I only moved to this place about 6 months ago but I can't see myself moving back to the UK. Moreso when I read about the Brexit shitstorm.

It's not my first time abroad, I've moved a few times over the years but this one is definitely a more permanent move and I'm ok with that.

I may change my mind when winter hits (I moved to Canada and haven't felt the full force of winter just yet! )

Kakfor · 28/08/2019 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Lagatha · 28/08/2019 18:50

I would move back in a heartbeat but it's better for the DC's that we stay here.
I feel lonely every day.

makingmammaries · 28/08/2019 18:56

The other thing is that not all ‘abroad’ is the same. I spent 3 months in New York and was desperately homesick for any corner of Europe, not for the UK in particular. The US felt utterly alien to me, while in country of Europe, East or West, I know I can find my home. But these things must surely be individual.

Impatienceismyvirtue · 28/08/2019 19:09

Food and family. That’s what it boils down to for me.

I’ll have been away for 6 years soon, and no plans to go back.

Rubyupbeat · 28/08/2019 19:34

We lived in several parts of the U.S. when my boys were young, also Dubai, Switzerland and Austria, we loved it, but yes,I was dreadfully homesick. My husband was fine though.
I brought them home when they were 5 and 7, as my youngest (now 31) is Deaf and I wanted him to have a steady specialist schooling.
We are in a fantastic position in the U.K. no mortgages, 2 holiday homes etc.....and the best family and friends ever.
But, I so want to go to Norway to live for a couple of years...maybe more, I love it there , so will probably give that a go.

daisyboocantoo · 28/08/2019 19:50

I do get homesick, but only for people and a good Indian/Chinese takeaway.
WhatsApp/FaceTime etc means we are in contact daily. EasyJet means that our family and friends are able to come out often, sometimes for as cheaply as £40 return!

As my parents are aging, I am feeling the pull, but my parents don't want me to ever move back to the UK. They said if they were younger, they would have left. My sister is also round the corner and will never leave our home town, so there is no issues there. Our children receive wonderful schooling. DS has ASD. The provisions he receives are quite frankly, amazing. We aren't rich, by any standards, but we have food on the table, a few camping and driving EU holidays a year, and we are happy.

We have such a wonderful wonderful way of life, our host country is beautiful and we adore it, we are integrated, the DC are bilingual, we have qualified for citizenship (but haven't taken it yet, we will though, esp with Brexit). When we go back to the UK, all I can see is litter, litter, litter, empty shops, dying town centers, drinking issues (I am from NE) and poverty. Society is broken. Services are at Breaking point. And don't even get me started on the weather. My friends all seem to be working to live, which doesn't seem like a healthy lifestyle to me.

That said, I do miss the sense of humor and the kindness of the locals. Geordies are (to me) culturally, the kindest, loveliest people I have ever come across.

In the event of a family emergency, we would of course go back. And I would like to buy a UK property, just in case. But it would be a very very very unhappy move, for me, DH and our DC.

Oblomov19 · 28/08/2019 20:07

No. I never got homesick. But that was because twice I've been in Russia for a year, and once Egypt for a year, but I always knew I was coming back.

I think your situation, with Brexit, is much more complicated.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/08/2019 20:14

Just remember if it's people you miss...that if you've been away for a while, things will have moved on, you might not just slot back in where you did before even if you move to the same area. Politics have changed things a LOT in the UK in the last few years as well, 'outsiders' are now not as welcome as they once were, views are a lot more polarised

RainOrSun · 28/08/2019 20:23

Weve just come back to the UK, from a country much hated on MN.
I couldn't be happier. The kids have said they miss their friends, but not much else. DH will probably reserve judgement until he starts his new job next week.
Yes, making any big move is super scary, but probably eased in our case by the fact we were never going to stay long term.
The shitstorm of Brexit sending the pund plummeting meant good things for transferring salaries back to the UK - we were paid in local currency.

graziemille567 · 28/08/2019 20:25

I've lived abroad for the last 4 years and there are great things about it and awful things about it. I miss the UK a lot but tend to manage my homesickness fairly well. It's only when I'm leaving the UK after a trip home or visitors go back to the UK that I get really weepy and upset for a few days afterwards. I miss proper bacon, decent Indian takeaways, grandparents round the corner to babysit overnight, pub gardens etc.... it is hard to adjust to. Took me about 3 months to get my head around moving away and to adjust to our new life.

However, I am immensely grateful that I am not living in the UK during this Brexit cluster fuck. We are moving again soon for another 4 years, and I'm relieved that I won't have to live in Britain for the next few years while the initial impact of Brexit is felt. I also appreciate that I'm able to have experiences that I'd never ever have been able to do had we not moved abroad. Much as I miss family/friends, it's a sacrifice I'm glad we made. It's opened up our options and given our DS a completely different upbringing than he would have had at home. I love the UK, but I do not regret moving away at all.

Asta19 · 28/08/2019 21:07

I will say, the only, thing my DS has expressed to me he has missed is “dirty chicken” I asked hm what he meant by that and he said the fried chicken where he is now is fresh and non greasy and he misses the whole London greasy chicken shop food! he is coming back for a week soon and we’ve both laughed that it’s a food orientated visit. It says somezthing when the things people miss is crap takeaways.

Original poster

FloatingObject · 28/08/2019 21:19

Asta19 I miss Bombay bad boy pot noodles so badly

OP posts:

sonjadog · 28/08/2019 21:20

I've lived in a different country for over 20 years. Over that time I have had a few periods of homesickness. If I remember right, it was worst around the 3 year and the 7 year mark. But even though I did miss home a lot then, I never seriously considered moving back to the UK. I haven't been homesick for many years now. The UK isn't the country I left now anyway. If I got homesick it would be for a place that no longer exists.

francienolan · 28/08/2019 22:35

I am from somewhere else and live in the UK. I get homesick a lot, especially for my family and the food and being familiar with things (being an outsider is difficult!), but there's a reason we decided to live here and not there. Both countries have problems and moving between them doesn't necessarily solve them.

ViaSacra · 28/08/2019 23:15

Will you become eligible for EU citizenship any time soon? If so, I would hold out for that before returning to the UK, just to keep your options open.

bubbles1960 · 29/08/2019 13:05

Really feel homesick at the moment, from NZ originally but in UK for 10 years. The whispered voices in my head calling me home now are screams.

ShiftHappens · 29/08/2019 13:09

I lived in 3 different countries, away from my home country for half of my life.

I miss my family but we see each other a few times per year.

I don't get homesick but 'home' for me is the place where I live, where my DC are. I am quite uprooted in a way and home could therefore be anywhere for me. It certainly is not the place I was born/grew up in.

mbosnz · 29/08/2019 13:10

Kiaora bubbles!

Do you go back to Aotearoa often? We're going back for the first time next year, it will have been two years since we left - I told the girls we were not going home any sooner than that, they needed that long to adapt and put down roots in the UK.

I really do think that many Kiwis have a stronger connection to our country than others, and that there's a reason why our national symbol is a flightless bird!

(I've just had a SANZA order of Watties spaghetti, weetbix, L&P and Whittakers chocolate. You don't want to know how much that cost. . .)

proseccoaficionado · 29/08/2019 13:18

I lived for almost 9 years in the UK, then I moved back in my home country. Weirdly, I saw the UK as my home, and I still get "homesick", sometimes. I miss the food (omg that full english breakfast, I'll never find decent sausages for that here), clothes, queues for bus, everyone smiling at me, the before Christmas period where all the shops were full with Christmas stuff & the city.

I also lived in Spain which I loved (erasmus year at uni), and I do love my country but the UK has a special place in my heart.

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