To refuse to drive

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I've always lived in city centres. Now I'm in the countryside because DP wanted to give it a go, but our house is a 2 min walk away from the train station. We're also a 10 min cycle away from a supermarket.

Everything I want to do is in town, all my friends live in cities.
I'm sick of people (mainly DP's family) having a go at me for not driving. I do realise in many ways I would have loads of freedom with a car. But to be honest I can't stand them.

I hate the idea of putting your life in other peoples hands (other drivers). I absolutely hate seeing dead birds and rabbits by the roadside. I can't stand the fact that despite living in the countryside I have to worry about my cats, because drivers come bombing down the 30km/h road. I hate the noise, I hate that when I cycle through the fields even, just taking in the surroundings, I have to get right onto the verge to let them past.
Plus, there's the environmental aspect.

In my ideal world, the only vehicles on the road would be delivery and emergency vehicles as well as taxis, and governments would plough shit loads of resources and efforts into creating top notch public transport.

Anyone else feel the same?

Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to drive.

But, it is hard being the only driver in the relationship. Driving is tiring and can be really stressful - it's often nice to share the burden with a partner, especially on long trips or when the weather is poor. It puts a lot of pressure on the other person too - it means they're more restricted in what they can do/enjoy on holidays or days out.

I do think though that you just don't want to live in the countryside and have developed a kind of car vendetta as a result!

Although reading back you say you live 15 minutes from the city - that's really not the countryside!

I literally can’t understand people pulling apart your reasons and making assumptions and connecting dots they choose to put there.

If you don’t want to drive and you’re not constantly on the scrounge for lifts, who cares?!

I drive, I have since I was 17. Our car broke down when my twins were still babies and we didn’t get another car till we had our third baby. True we lived in a city with great transport links but it in now way becomes a ‘need’ to have a car just because you have kids.

People are really weird about non-drivers. Sounds like you can manage without driving, and without inconveniencing other people, and all the roads in the country would be in a much better state if more people avoided unnecessary car journeys so stick to your guns!

If you can manage with the avaliable transport options and not travel by car by proxy, fair play. Public transport and local services make a massive difference.

Children are a game changer. Their natural pace is slower or erratic, and they have to be quite old before options like cycling become avaliable again. Their social arrangements aren't necessarily convienient if a car is not avaliable which is isolating. They produce more baggage to transport e.g. food shopping.

I only know one person who remains a non-driver into their 30s and family life and they are quite phobic about the idea due to dyspraxia and anxiety. Like you, they live in an area where quite a lot is avaliable, but it does curtail employment options and affect choices they make. It also strains their relationship as their partner resents always having to be the (non-drinking) driver and not being able to relax as a passenger.

On the flip side, there are too many people too dependent on their cars for the ridiculous.

If you don’t need to drive then YANBU.

But YABU to expect others to feel the same. It sounds like you’re able to use public transport to get from a rural area to an urban one but getting around a rural area can be a very different thing. I grew up semi-rurally and there was no option but for my parents (and me, later on) to use a car. You could walk for miles and not actually be anywhere, and that’s always assuming you wanted to walk on unlit, pavementless roads in the dark. I haven’t seen a bus in the village for at least 20 years, so that was out too. Driving was - and is - the only option.

And no, unless you live in some sort of faux-rural commuter belt, it’s not usually the case that those who live in the countryside are using their cars to separate themselves from it. What a bizarre idea.

You seem to have irrational anxieties about driving and its effects - ever thought of some counselling?

True we lived in a city with great transport links but it in now way becomes a ‘need’ to have a car just because you have kids

Depends on where you live. You say yourself you live in a city with great transport, and presumably with plenty to do.

If you live rurally, a car is often a total necessity - even just for getting to the shops. Running a car is often much cheaper than regular bus or train trips - and that's assuming your particular area has access to those things in the first place.

If you're ever a passenger in car when someone else is driving then the only reason you don't drive is because you're afraid.

Are you thinking of having children because you may feel differently then.
Because a 10 minute cycle ride to the supermarket changed to something quite different.
Where is the school?