To refuse to drive

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I've always lived in city centres. Now I'm in the countryside because DP wanted to give it a go, but our house is a 2 min walk away from the train station. We're also a 10 min cycle away from a supermarket.

Everything I want to do is in town, all my friends live in cities.
I'm sick of people (mainly DP's family) having a go at me for not driving. I do realise in many ways I would have loads of freedom with a car. But to be honest I can't stand them.

I hate the idea of putting your life in other peoples hands (other drivers). I absolutely hate seeing dead birds and rabbits by the roadside. I can't stand the fact that despite living in the countryside I have to worry about my cats, because drivers come bombing down the 30km/h road. I hate the noise, I hate that when I cycle through the fields even, just taking in the surroundings, I have to get right onto the verge to let them past.
Plus, there's the environmental aspect.

In my ideal world, the only vehicles on the road would be delivery and emergency vehicles as well as taxis, and governments would plough shit loads of resources and efforts into creating top notch public transport.

Anyone else feel the same?

I’m the same OP. I did learn to drive, then between me doing the lessons and getting around to doing the test after uni, three people I went to school with died in three completely unrelated crashes. I also lost a friend when I was 7 when she was hit by a car.
For a while I said I’d do it ‘one day’, but now I have realised I was saying it because it’s what other people wanted to hear. I don’t want to and I don’t think nervous drivers should be on the road. I like walking, cycling and public transport and I live in a great area for both.

QuarterMileAtATime I'm so sorry to hear that. That's very traumatic.

Glad to hear I'm not alone.

No, I couldn't get by without my car, there isn't a station in our village, the next village is a 40 minute walk away.
I am not within cycling distance of a supermarket and couldn't do a big shop on a bike anyway.
We go on holiday in my car, I work in the village but DH works across the other side of our nearest city and needs it to commute (on public transport he would have to walk 40mins to station, change trains twice and walk 15 minutes the other end).
I will say I do make decent environmental choices where I can, we have 2 children not the 4 I wanted, I haven't been on a plane for over 15 years and we have 3 meat free days a week.
My car is electric, although I am aware that this is controversial for hardcore environmentalists because of manufacturing processes and the use of fossil fuels to generate electricity it is the best compromise between lifestyle and environmentalism I can make at the moment.
OP you just sound frightened and a little hysterical.

You don't like putting your life in other people's hands.. Yet use public transport? Not see the irony?

You have to hope that, say your bus driver as an example, has had a good night's sleep, isn't unwell, isn't drunk etc, while you sit there in a tin can with no seat belt, air bags or really any safety features at all going 50-60mph on open roads. If he suddenly has to stop in a crash, you'll likely be thrown straight into the seat in front, could break bones at the minimum, and of course there's worse that could happen.

When you're on a plane, that gets even worse. Your life is in the hands of someone who again, may be over exhausted or drunk going by recent reports, who is flying the plane at several hundred miles per hour, and if things go wrong, to quote Billy connolly, 'you'll go into the ground like a dart'.

And as someone else stated, you're happy to be a passenger in a car. Are you seeing the irony yet?

You sound a little precious to be honest. If you don't want to drive, then don't. No shame in that. But don't blame it on the fact that you don't trust other drivers or whatever else.

They're big pieces of machinery moving at high speed!

And the train is what then op?
See just excuses. If you dont want to drive then just admit it. Many people dont drive. and you really dont have to.

We have one car, it's a good compromise, we use public transport, bikes, walk and drive. I didn't drive in the country with kids, it was a nightmare.

The problem is public transport even in my city is unreliable and rubbish in the evenings and on weekends, with dc's you need to get them places and cannot rely on the generosity of others - my boss doesn't drive and spends lots of time scrounging lifts !

Are you not-so-secretly hoping that your DH will give up on his ideas for countryside living, and agree to move back to the city with you?

FizzBuzzBangWoof
Totally. I feel the same. There's a bike rack at my local supermarket, it's always empty.

Actually since this is my first experience of the countryside, its been quite eye opening. Going a bit off topic here, but its strange: people living rurally often pontificate about city dwellers being completely cut off from nature, but what's interesting is observing people around here. So they've got their cars they use all the time (which totally seals you off from your surroundings and kills animals and creates noise), and they seem to be massively into their weeding, pesticides, keeping their gardens pristine basically. I guess I'm naive but I thought it would all be a bit more 1950s 🤣

I'm not bothered about driving. I'll never learn and I don't rely on lifts. When I do my monthly shop, I get a taxi. Everything else is within easy walking distance bar work, I use public transport for that and would even if I could drive as it's just as quick during rush hour.

I agree with you OP, but changing dependence on car would mean radical changes to the lifestyles of a large proportion of the country.

The kind of public transport you want would never be economically justified in rural areas. It would just cost too much. To live without cars would mean a restriction on where and when you could travel. Like being a teenager in the countryside

Right now I don't think it's a change many people would be willing to make.

A bit different from you you are experiencing but my EX MIL never drove to certain places and it always pissed me right off

She "could" drive to and from work and that was it, as for shopping or the motorway she "couldn't manage that!" And I just used to think. What is the fucking point having a car if you can't drive it you love being a busy body and telling people you walked 10 miles for a loaf and a pint of milk is the point having a car if you apparently "can't" or "won't drive it" she really couldn't park either passed her driving test and I have no idea how.

How can you be so bothered about birds being killed by cars when you own cats which are collectively responsible for killing 27 million birds a year?!

I've often thought that, 150 years (or whatever it is) after the invention of the combustion engine we should have moved on to something better for transport purposes. I'm attracted to the science fiction idea of roads comprising a series of moving strips, with slow ones on the outside and progressively faster ones in the centre, so you progress from one to the other according to your own preference. It would presumably have to be refined to include some provision for the infirm and disabled and those carrying luggage, and also for shelter, but hey, this is science fiction, all of that can be overcome easily.

Howlovely I kind of see cats killing birds as a natural kind of cause and effect. In the same way that if I found my beloved cats torn apart by a fox (urban legend?) or a dog, I would be devastated, but it wouldn't make me angry the way I would be if I found them hit by a car. Maybe that's a bit of a disconnect though?

Tonnerre I'm trying to visualise this, do you mean like a kind of flat escalator (God the word has completely escaped me, you know the moving strips you get in airports?).

I'm the driver in the family. We've just been away for a few days- I'm shattered from the driving, and when I thought my slipped disc was about to play up, I was afraid we'd have no way to get home. I find the pressure to not be ill, not have an accident or a migraine immense. I wish DH could driver just in case.

I can’t drive and to be honest despite have a child I probably won’t ever. I’m a very anxious person and was in two car crashes as a kid, lost two kids from my school due to being hit by a truck and had to constantly walk past a memorial for a family where a car killed them.

I don’t often take the bus and generally walk everywhere it takes longer and I don’t get as much done, I always wait for a green light to cross the road even when there’s no cars.

I do feel like my kid misses out on stuff as my city doesn’t have much but then again I don’t have the money to drive anyway and the last time my ex had a car he couldn’t afford to pay and it was taken away.

My answer is that I’m just going to move somewhere where there’s more activities for my kid close by, no one would want me on the road and there’s a lot of drunk drivers here.

YANBU. I’m only just learning now because we live in a small town with crap public transport and I’m tired of relying on my DH so much to be able to live basically. I didn’t need to drive before this because I always lived in a big city. I know it baffles some people but driving isn’t really a necessary skill if you live somewhere with good public transport links like London.

I also do not want to drive, so I don't. I always feel EVERY time I get behind the wheel that I could kill someone. It is better if I don't drive. I am no good at it and get stressed out just thinking of it.

So we got rid of the second car. I get the bus and taxis if needed, we are quids in. DH knows how I feel, and does not seem to mind... for now

he likes to drive, he doesn't drink - if anything changes, we would do a rethink, but for now it works.

“Does anyone feel the same?”

No.

You sound like you have a phobia. And you don't like living in the countryside, which is fine.

I've been driving for over 25 years, lived in the countryside for much of that time, and have never once hit an animal. I think you're finding excuses to justify your fears.

Yes, I've been driving since I was 18 and have never hit an animal. My DP is the same. And we live in a village and he drives a lot for his job. It's not like you mow down animals every day when you're behind the wheel!

“Does anyone feel the same?”

YES

I do not drive, I am fully independent and never ask for lifts. Cars aren't the ultimate solution. Oh, I also have kids. We go out a lot and travel by train courtesy of family railcard.

We live in a suburb I guess. I've known my friend for 5 years and never known her to drive. She just doesn't like to. It drives her husband potty. But she's happy. She gets the bus to work which stops at the end of the street - no need to find or pay for parking. She gets to watch the world go by on the bus.

And like this summer, I've offered to take us (her, her ds, me and my ds) to places because we're all going that way anyway. If it works for you, then go ahead.

And not playing the game is not having a phobia. It's making different choices. Live with that, people.