To refuse to drive

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I've always lived in city centres. Now I'm in the countryside because DP wanted to give it a go, but our house is a 2 min walk away from the train station. We're also a 10 min cycle away from a supermarket.

Everything I want to do is in town, all my friends live in cities.
I'm sick of people (mainly DP's family) having a go at me for not driving. I do realise in many ways I would have loads of freedom with a car. But to be honest I can't stand them.

I hate the idea of putting your life in other peoples hands (other drivers). I absolutely hate seeing dead birds and rabbits by the roadside. I can't stand the fact that despite living in the countryside I have to worry about my cats, because drivers come bombing down the 30km/h road. I hate the noise, I hate that when I cycle through the fields even, just taking in the surroundings, I have to get right onto the verge to let them past.
Plus, there's the environmental aspect.

In my ideal world, the only vehicles on the road would be delivery and emergency vehicles as well as taxis, and governments would plough shit loads of resources and efforts into creating top notch public transport.

Anyone else feel the same?

I feel that your real problem is your DH's family's attitude to your lack of driving. It's your choice whether you want to or not but they're not accepting your choice. And perhaps you have a second problem too: do you enjoy living in the countryside or do you want to go back to city life?

Having said that it's your choice to drive or not, genuinely wondering, by living in the countryside without clear access to a car, does it not get lonely? I've never lived anywhere apart from towns and cities and rural life seems cut off from a lot of amenities and opportunities to socialise but I may be wrong.

I was in the same position. Then when I had children I realised it just didn't work.

The freedom of driving was brilliant.

Some rural areas are very vibrant and have lots going on. Living rurally doesn't always mean no social life. I've not used my car since Thursday and we've had a brilliant,busy weekend.
But I need my car for work. My 30 min commute would take close to 2 hours on public transport.

No, I don't feel isolated, because the train is so nearby and gets me to the city centre in 15 minutes, so I'm in and out.

But it's definitely possible that I'm seeing this as some kind of symbolic thing because no, the countryside isn't my ideal, although nor do I hate it!

OP I feel you, and I agree wholeheartedly.
I live in a little village at the back of a big coastal city. There are local shops (supporting local businesses, woop!) and I work a three minute walk away from home.

The only time I need to go elsewhere is to see other people and socialise (which I rarely do due to working hours) but my DH and I socialise with the same people, so he drives. He pays for his car, I tend to fill the tank once or twice a month and I'm the one who enjoys cleaning it.

I can drive, but I'm not confident. Therefore, I'm putting myself and others at risk if I do drive, so I choose not to.

I do. I never drove when I lived in london, no need. I do now as I live in a small seaside town but I still hate driving and wouldn't if I had the choice.

I think it's a good thing for everyone that you don't drive

It doesn’t sound like you actually want to live in the countryside

To be fair though - 2 mins from a trainstation that's 15 mins to town, and 10 mins cycle to the nearest supermarket is only just countryside...

Where I grew up, it is a 20 minute walk to the train station which took you to town in 15 mins, and that's where the supermarket was. Ours was the biggest village locally, so we had a newsagent (and a post office once upon a time), but none of the other villages close had these facilities, they had to make their way to our village for them. And there was a bus twice a day which took 3 hours to do the 10 minute journey because it wound through each of those villages.

thats the country.

If I lived where you did, without kids, then I agree, you don't need a car, so why have one if you don't want one - it's hassle and expense and impact on the environment, when all your needs are already covered without one.

"I can't stand the fact that despite living in the countryside I have to worry about my cats, because drivers come bombing down the 30km/h road.*
Where do you live that has a 30 km/h road? Is this Ireland?
YAB massively unreasonable about the cats. Cats have the right to roam - sadly this comes with the risk they may be hit by a vehicle. I killed a cat once. I was doing less than 15mph in a city - the cat ran out from a garden and under my car - I had no time to even brake or react in any way. I don't believe anyone deliberately (maybe a tiny proportion) wishes to injure animals by driving a vehicle.

Have you spoken to your DP about how his family are making you feel? Perhaps you'd feel better if he stood up for you in these situations?

As a sidenote, are you at all resentful at the countryside move? It all sounds like such a faff when compared to your previous living arrangements.

YANBU to refuse to drive, if you are happy to cycle or get public transport everywhere and aren't asking others for lifts.

What about when you go out though ? Does it mean your dp always has to drive and not be able to have a drink ? I'm not even a big drinker, but that would annoy me immensely if my partner weren't prepared to do their share of the driving.
What about when you go on holiday, or visiting friends or relatives, or for a weekend away ?

I hate the idea of putting your life in other peoples hands (other drivers).

This reason, however, is not logical. As the driver, you have some control, in most circumstances. As a passenger on a train or bus, you have no control. As a cyclist, you are the most vulnerable of all. You talk about the traffic speeding on the roads near where you live, yet go out on a cycle ?? If a car hits you when you are in a car, there are all sorts of safety features to help protect you, or at least minimise damage, on a bike you are incredibly vulnerable. So that thinking makes no sense whatsoever.

I've moved from the country to a city and am making a conscious effort to use my car less, but it's an effort to lose weight and save money on petrol/wear and tear etc.

I think your logic is very strange OP. Depends where in the countryside you live, but I'm thinking not ultra rural if you're a 2 minute walk from a station. The refusal to drive because of animals at the side of the road? I've been driving for 13 years and never hit an animal, except a bird that flew into my windscreen. That bird could just as likely have hit a bus. People don't deliberately drive AT animals in the countryside. It's just more likely to see them at the side of the road in the countryside, as there are more of them in the countryside!

I think what Tonnerre is referring to is this...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Roads_Must_Roll

A Heinlein story about moving pedestrian travelators that have replaced roads. All very well until one of them comes to sudden stop at 100mph....

My mum not driving has just become an issue again. My parents live in a small town and dad, the driver for many decades, had to give up his license last year. I live about 80 minutes drive away, I’m finding it hard to get them out and about, they are now quite isolated because of dad’s lack of mobility. He can’t use public transport, even taxi drivers are often not patient enough.

As a child Dad often worked away from home and we were rural. Which equalled no social life and no hobbies/ clubs.

Not the same problems as you OP as you have no kids and can use what sounds like good public transport. I think as long as both those factors continue YANBU, but the ability to drive helps, even if actual driving is kept to a minimum for the sake of the environment.

I have killed badgers, a deer, cats and the car came off worst in a situation with a horse, who is now in her 20s. I hate this aspect of driving too.

Anyone else feel the same?

No, it's just you.

Don't drive if you don't want to. But you say yourself that your life would be easier if you could get about by car. Your reasons seem very odd, you cannot turn back the clock and dis-invent the motor car.

Me too OP! I can't drive, am actually scared of it. Always lived in cities so never had the need. I've also got two kids, and we all do fine. I'm learning more and more about the environmental impacts of cars and it's not pretty.

BUT, we did go on holiday to the countryside recently, thought there might be easy buses around, or at least minicabs if we were really stuck. The public transport frequency was really poor! So I totally could see why there is a lot of car use there.

YANBU - I definitely feel the same. My family are pressuring me to learn but I really don’t want to for some of the same reasons as you. I do quite like the idea of the freedom that having a car would bring but it’s a major expense, not great for the environment, and I feel anxious whenever I think about driving. At the moment I can get everywhere I need to go by a mixture of walking or public transport, which I am happy to do, so I don’t personally see my non-driving as an issue.

You were sounding reasonable until your "ideal world" nonsense which falls apart with a moment's logical thought.

I assume the people nagging you to drive are just worried about you being restricted in your new area and don't realise how they make you feel. Just keep repeating that you love walking and cycling.

Your reasons seem very odd, you cannot turn back the clock and dis-invent the motor car.

I was trying to put my thoughts on this bizarre post into words and that sums it up really well
I think you must have a bit of a driving phobia OP, and that’s fine. I think you’re just convincing yourself that you have a strong hatred of cars and driving to rationalise your fear - but saying cars shouldn’t be on the road, only delivery vehicles and everyone in rural areas should cycle or get a train makes you sound a bit nuts. Trains and bikes can be great, but they are still no where near as convenient or practical as a car, especially in the countryside.

I drive and I hate it, for those reasons you listed plus:

Hate wondering if I’ll get a parking space
I’ve had two people come into the back of me in two years. Massive faff and stress each time. Last one took ages to pay up and I was worrying about my insurance going up as a result

My dream is to live somewhere I don’t have to drive! Right now I work 11 miles away and I couldn’t do the school run and make it to work. DH has never driven due to a disability and gets around just fine. I envy him his lovely passive train commute.

I never use the car at the weekend these days and I feel “more free” cycling, walking or getting the bus somewhere. Can have a pint if I like, no parking, slower pace, no traffic. Just more chilled.

I’m actually quite a confident driver, I just find it dull.

I think you’re being hypocritical if you ponce lifts off of others

Oh also, there are a lot of angry drivers around.

You don't sound that rural to me - station 2 mins, supermarket 10 mins, city centre 15 mins? Sounds positively suburban to me. If we didn't have cars here we would be stuck. One bus a week, nearest supermarket 25 mins drive. Fair enough if you don't like cars and don't want to drive, but to dress it up with some of the objections you've used is a bit off. Yes, it would be lovely if we could all get everywhere by public transport, but that only happens when the bus companies etc have enough passengers to make money, which here, they don't.
I have been driving 45 years and have only killed a rabbit and a pigeon in that time, to my knowledge. I think you sound a bit precious.

To me this sounds like something completely your choice that other people shouldn't have an opinion on or care about.

Also agree that you're not exactly in the sticks. The village my brother and his family live in has a primary school. The nearest town is 8 miles away along busy main roads with no pavements. There is no station. There is one bus into town around 8.30am and another one back in the evening. No service on a Sunday at all.

If they didn't drive, they would be choosing to either cycle everywhere or just not go out.