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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I ask ds1's friend's mum to keep balloons out of reach at her ds's birthday party?

105 replies

Olihan · 06/08/2007 21:26

Ds1 (3.7) has developed a massive balloon phobia. It started at a birthday party last year when lots were popping and has got progressively worse. He's now at the point where he won't go into a place that has balloons, if we pass something with balloons on he will try and drag me the other way and he becomes absolutely hysterical if one pops. We ended up leaving 3 parties early at the beginning of the year (all his friends have b'days around Dec/Jan) because of balloons popping. It seems to be the randomness and suddeness of them popping that scares him - we've tried all sorts of things to make him less scared but he's genuinely terrified.

We've now moved and he's been invited to a party by a new friend whose mum I know a bit, she's lovely and we get on well.

Would it be really out of order to expalin the situation and ask if a) the balloons could be blown up so they're not likely to burst and b) if they could be put up where the other kids can't get hold of them?

I feel really stupid for even asking this on here but I know if one pops then I'll have to take ds1 home again and he'll miss out on having fun with his new friends.

What do you think? Has anyone got any other suggestions for dealing with it? If I rang you and made those 2 requests would you think I was barking?

OP posts:
elasticsortinghandstand · 06/08/2007 22:23

i knew of someone who was scared of cakes and candles and therefrore ccouldnt go to parties.
hopefully he will grow outof his fear. perhaps only stay a short tme,or not go at all

elasticsortinghandstand · 06/08/2007 22:23

i knew of someone who was scared of cakes and candles and therefrore ccouldnt go to parties.
hopefully he will grow outof his fear. perhaps only stay a short tme,or not go at all

Califrau · 06/08/2007 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tatt · 06/08/2007 22:25

one of my kids is severely allergic to nuts. I used to explain she couldn't come to a party if nuts would be served but I'd take a plate of food for her if it was easier for the hostess. She's missed out on some parties because of her allergies.

Some kids love balloons and enjoy popping them. However lovely this lady if her child is one of them she is going to prefer you not to go, even if she feels she can't say that. Tbh if you don't know her well I'd explain why you think he'd have to miss the party but that he'd love to go round another time. Then if her child isn't that bothered about balloons she can offer not to have them and you can suggest putting them out of reach and giving them to the kids as they leave.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 22:33

i think a severe allergy is a whole different kettle of fish

RubyRioja · 06/08/2007 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Olihan · 06/08/2007 22:44

Ruby, what is it with you comparing me and my dcs to animals? You once likened me to a gorilla and now you're saying ds1 is a dog .

That's actually a really good idea. Might try that if the party is a disaster!

OP posts:
lisad123 · 06/08/2007 22:53

My DD used to hate balloons, and would be very scarced of them going bang and would cry for ages. She has grown out of it and now will ask for a balloon when out. However, she is now very scarced of the massive bunny that appears at childrens club on our caravan site.

I would mention to the mum that your LO is terified of balloons and so you will have to see how it goes. She might remove balloons anyway. Good luck
Lisa

nappyaddict · 06/08/2007 23:56

olihan would you be annoyed if in a restaurant a waitress came over with a balloon for ds?a few weeks back i took a balloon over to this one little boy and his mother had a proper go at me cos he was scared. like i was meant to know. it is quite unusual for children to not like balloons and we always give the children balloons.

but maybe i was wrong. whats your opinion on this?

Original poster
Olihan · 07/08/2007 05:23

NA, I wouldn't be annoyed - you'd realise by the way he'd scream VERY loudly and demand to be taken home that he didn't want one . It's happened a few times - once, we were trying to get him to stay in a restaurant because there were balloons tied to the backs of some of the chairs and he was really stressing. The waitress very kindly came over with a balloon for him and dd to try and help distract him. We just explained that he was scared of them, that was the reason for his behaviour and she moved us into a corner as far away from the balloons as possible. I'd never have a go at someone, like you say, you weren't to know. Now that is very unreasonsable!

OP posts:
gess · 07/08/2007 07:54

I don't think you can ask (unless its a severe latex allergy or something). I have sympathy to the situation as there are many many things that ds1 cannot tolerate (he's severely autistic). But I figure a) it's not everyone else's problem, it's his problem, b) he can't make the world work around him - if he could it would significantly reduce his stress levels but he can't so he has to learn that sometimes thing he doesn;t like happen.

For something like balloons - which really are going to feature a lot in a young child's life I would probably tackle the problem. (the other option that I sometimes use would be to avoid completely for a period then see if the issue had gone away). Tackling directly would involve frequent short exposures where he was in charge so we left when it all ebcame too much. We've done that with beaches, rivers, swimming pools, walking into friend's houses- for a while he wouldn't go into anyone's house- I'm doing it now with fur as he won't go near a furry animal etc etc as things come up.

If its life and death (e.g peanuts anaphylaxis) then no problem but otherwise no I really don't think you can ask for balloons to be out the way. There'll be too many balloon situations over the next few years anyway- I think its something you need to try and tackle. I have always found the little and often approach to work- although it mtakes months- over a year for the beach, 8 months to get back into friend's houses- but it does work.

Baffy · 07/08/2007 07:59

Knowing how bad phobias like this can be I'd say you're not being unreasonable at all in mentioning it.

My cousin has a similar phobia and even at age 6 can go completely hysterical, even wet herself, when it kicks in.

I hope you manage to reach a good compromise - helium balloons was a good idea. Perhaps even suggest you take along some other things for the children to play with instead of balloons...?

gess · 07/08/2007 08:04

og forgot to say what I do when we're going somewhere there's likely to be a problem. We go, but we bail out immediately there's a problem. So we always make sure we can bail out when we need to iyswim (so make sure there's enough cars & enough adults to handle various children staying and ds1 going, or make sure the other 2 know they might have to leave early).

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 07/08/2007 08:07

Hi Oli -

YANBU. I have DD's b'day party next month and was going to fill the floor with balloons - despite my own phobia (actually I was going to get DH to fill the floor for that rason) - because she loves them.

But my BF youngest DS(5) also has a phobia, so I am now looking to get lots of beach balls or a couple of mahoosive ones (depending on what I can find) for them to kick and chuck around instead.

Balloons will be put in party bags for DC's to play with at home (if wanted)

If you get on with lady then I am sure she will understand and agree to your request. It's very reasonable, and if you explain past experiences I am sure she will have no problems. Thinking of DD's pre-school friend chums I know they would all be accomodating.

Good luck
X

tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 08:08

you can mention it but i think yabsu. you cant go through life phoning everyone in advance asking for no balloons its not fair on the birthday child. if you keep taking him home he will never conquer it. im not saying leave him in hysterics but maybe stay with him through a couple of parties and show him that balloons are safe and fun.

my son is only 10 months but if he really loves balloons he will have them at his parties as its his special day.

babygrand · 07/08/2007 08:09

YABU. It's their party. Don't take your child if he doesn't like it.

Baffy · 07/08/2007 08:09

Good idea LowFatPumpkinJuice

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 07/08/2007 08:21

Thanks Baffy - luckily the party is in a hall - cant see my idea proving too popular for house parties! Although you can take beach bals in a garden unlike balloons!

stoppinattwo · 07/08/2007 08:22

I would chip in and offer to pay for some helium ones that can be on display and given out with party bags at the end.............

I dont think you are being unreasonable, but i think his phobia is the loud popping (understandably if he is a sensitive soul) which he associateds with the balloon. what is he like with fireworks??

I woudl take it gently with him but gradually help him get over this before it gets out of proportion. You could possible give him some deflated balloons and let him blow them up a bit himself and let them go, it really makes my kids giggle!!!!

Explain to your new friend your predicament and ask if she doesnt mind your suggestion about the helium balloons. Tell her though you are working on this phobia and hopefully if she is as nice as you say she will understand and cater for your little one. I would emphasise thoug that you will not be offended if she doesnt want to take the balloons out and will just poitely decline ( i wouldnt get annoyed by it if she doesnt agree with you, she may not want to disappoint her child), hopefully till next year when DS will probably be able to cope much better. Good luck XXXX

Original poster
Olihan · 07/08/2007 08:28

Stoppinattwo, fireworks are seriously no go either - dh spent last firework night in the car with a hysterical ds1 - hands over his ears, absolutely sobbing his heart out - until the display finished. We were there with friends so couldn't leave.

Thanks to everyone who is giving suggestions to help him get over it. We are trying very hard to sort it out but, like most phobias, it's a very irrational fear and the unpredictability of when they might pop makes it much harder iyswim.

OP posts:
fillyjonk · 07/08/2007 08:36

oh jesus, its just a few balloons! If a guest at one of my kids parties phoned and said "look, my dc is really scared of balloons, is there any chance of trying to keep them high up?" I'd do my utter best to comply. They are guests, a party is about making sure your guests have fun and its a rather good idea for kids to learn that, IMO.

Another point about balloons is that they can be unsafe for young kids. My neighbour is an intensive care nurse and she has seen plenty of kids in there after birthday party encounters with balloons. If a balloon pops and is inhaled (fairly easy if they are bitten by a young kid) then they are VERY hard to remove, and can prevent a child breathing.

So actually I don't have balloons for young kids.

PTA · 07/08/2007 08:40

Can I just add, I know most of the thread has been about a phobia of balloons but I have a slightly different concern about them. I know of a child who choked on a bit of a burst balloon. I hate the things for that reason.

DS1 goes to mini-kicks football where they practice with balloons sometimes which tend to burst. I then have to pick up all the wee bits for fear of a child putting it in his/her mouth.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and if I was hosting the party there wouldn't be any balloons, but if there was, I wouldn't be offended by your request.

stoppinattwo · 07/08/2007 08:41

Oli..........my friends DS is exactly the same...........that is why i asked about the fireworks . he will get over it, it isnt an irrational phobia, he just doesnt like loud sudden noises, their reaction is so irrational (blind panic) that it is hard to negotiate. You will need to take it at his pace but he will get better. Introduce him to balloons in your own home, blow them up dont tie them and let them go. If he gets hysterical let him, you know he is safe in your home. Or even better when we have some warm weather do some water baloons as they dont pop when they burst . Get him used to sudden noises too, that is half the problem, try the "Pop goes the weasel song". And get a book or a DVD about fireworks, or get some fireworks for your back garden and watch them through the window. ........just a few ideas

stoppinattwo · 07/08/2007 08:41

Oli..........my friends DS is exactly the same...........that is why i asked about the fireworks . he will get over it, it isnt an irrational phobia, he just doesnt like loud sudden noises, their reaction is so irrational (blind panic) that it is hard to negotiate. You will need to take it at his pace but he will get better. Introduce him to balloons in your own home, blow them up dont tie them and let them go. If he gets hysterical let him, you know he is safe in your home. Or even better when we have some warm weather do some water baloons as they dont pop when they burst . Get him used to sudden noises too, that is half the problem, try the "Pop goes the weasel song". And get a book or a DVD about fireworks, or get some fireworks for your back garden and watch them through the window. ........just a few ideas

heifer · 07/08/2007 08:49

No YANBU

You aren't asking her to go without balloons, just to keep them out of reach.

I certainly wouldn't be offended if you asked me!

I would still have them (as DD loves them) but would put them on the walls, over doors etc where the children can't get hold of them.

To be honest that is what I have done the last 3 years anyway - just didn't want all the children popping balloons the whole party - dog would probably by scared stiff)... and you often get some children at that age that don't like loud noises.

So ask away....