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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If I ask ds1's friend's mum to keep balloons out of reach at her ds's birthday party?

105 replies

Olihan · 06/08/2007 21:26

Ds1 (3.7) has developed a massive balloon phobia. It started at a birthday party last year when lots were popping and has got progressively worse. He's now at the point where he won't go into a place that has balloons, if we pass something with balloons on he will try and drag me the other way and he becomes absolutely hysterical if one pops. We ended up leaving 3 parties early at the beginning of the year (all his friends have b'days around Dec/Jan) because of balloons popping. It seems to be the randomness and suddeness of them popping that scares him - we've tried all sorts of things to make him less scared but he's genuinely terrified.

We've now moved and he's been invited to a party by a new friend whose mum I know a bit, she's lovely and we get on well.

Would it be really out of order to expalin the situation and ask if a) the balloons could be blown up so they're not likely to burst and b) if they could be put up where the other kids can't get hold of them?

I feel really stupid for even asking this on here but I know if one pops then I'll have to take ds1 home again and he'll miss out on having fun with his new friends.

What do you think? Has anyone got any other suggestions for dealing with it? If I rang you and made those 2 requests would you think I was barking?

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:49

I honestly can't believe that you would just say "no, we're having balloons and I will not even consider accomodating your request" to someone that YOU had invited to a party and that you knew had a phobia of them

how very, odd. and rather mean

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 06/08/2007 21:50

lots of reassurence, 'dont worry they cant hurt you, they wont pop' etc. was very hard.

sh now even plays with small ones that arent blown up too much. if i blow them up, she says 'not too big, dont want them to pop'

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:51

well i wouldn't say that but i would think the person i knew very slightly who was phoning me with such a request was a bit cheeky and i might avoid asking them in future.

oliveoil · 06/08/2007 21:52

I think you should mention it and say that you may have to leave early etc

if it was me, I would put the balloons on the wall (will your son tolerate them up high?) and keep them out of the way

I went to a party once where someone had a clown outfit. One little boy hysterical, everyone else loved it.

Clown was put away and he calmed down.

If you son was allergic to nuts you would mention that, same with a phobia, mention it and see what she says.

hunkermunker · 06/08/2007 21:52

I think I'd be concentrating more on sorting out the problem my DS had with balloons, rather than trying to make his world a balloon-free environment.

You can't ring every party-giver up and tell them your son's scared of balloons and can they not have them - he won't get invited to parties.

If I was you, I'd start another thread asking for help for him to overcome his balloon problem - he won't be the only child on here who's had it.

fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:52

really??? just for phoning and asking?
that's quite sad

hunkermunker · 06/08/2007 21:53

Allergy to nuts can kill you. Balloon phobia won't.

LIZS · 06/08/2007 21:53

It 's kidn of the whose party is it thing ? dd wants a swimming party , if soemone doesn't like swimming then it will be difficult but should we disappoint the b'day girl ? Most hosts on hearing of ds1's aversion would probably suggest something to mitigate the problem tbh , but I don't think that being so specific, before being asked, is the way to go.

oliveoil · 06/08/2007 21:54

and also, I would not be offended if anyone, 'stranger' or friend asked me this

a good host will try to accomodate all guests imo

obv, if you phoned up saying NO BALLOONS in a rude manner, different, but you are not saying that are you?

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:55

i agree with hunker.

i think she should do what others have said and phone up and say 'we are really looking forward to the party, but please don't be offended if we leave early as ds is scared of balloons and might get upset'

then it puts the ball in her court. if she wants to get rid of her balloon plans then she can, if not then ditto.

i think to phone up and say 'ds is scared of balloons, don't have them' is not on!

oliveoil · 06/08/2007 21:56

yes but she is not saying that is she?

Janos · 06/08/2007 21:58

Olihan, yuour poor little DS. I was terrified of balloons from being small and still hate them now - if I see someone coming down the street towards me carrying a balloon I'd cross the street to avoid them.

I remember certain adults trying to force them on me and I HATED it. Probably made me worse, so YANBU.

Original poster

Olihan · 06/08/2007 21:59

Gosh, this has gone quickly, I only popped up to settle ds2!

Just to make it clear, I'm not even thinking of asking her NOT to have any balloons. I know it's a party, I know there will be balloons there and I wouldn't dream of dictating the decorations, even if it was someone I knew really well. It would just be easier on ds1 if they were high up if possible.

I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, I just wondered how unreasonable .

Desi, I like the suggestion of contributing helium balloons, may suggest that.

Canmummy, if a balloon pops near ds1 there is absolutely NO WAY he would stay, he would be screaming, crying, grabbing on to me, pulling at me to get out. It's pretty tricky to get him into a room with balloons on the wall. If other kids were jumping on them he would totally flip.

LadyVic, I understand completely. Ds1 would do the same.

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 22:00

but she has never said that has she?

she said "Would it be really out of order to expalin the situation and ask if a) the balloons could be blown up so they're not likely to burst and b) if they could be put up where the other kids can't get hold of them?"

which really isn't an unreasonable request is it???

Dinosaur · 06/08/2007 22:00

No, it isn't unreasonable at all.

aloha · 06/08/2007 22:03

I wouldn't mind not having balloons anyway. It's not like she's said no cake, is it?

oliveoil · 06/08/2007 22:03

dd1 used to be scared of her own shadow and I used to have to hunch round the walls to avoid sun and therefore shadows

kids eh?

I am sure it will come across ok if you phone her, I bet you her child(ren) will have had an odd phobia too

Original poster

Olihan · 06/08/2007 22:08

Tissy, that's a good plan, I will do that.

Hunker, I've tried everything I can think of to sort him out. After the fiasco with the other parties I even started a thread om here, tried all the suggestions but it's made very little difference. He will now walk past balloons outside shops, etc if we can give them a wide berth and he chants to himself, 'it's okay, they won't hurt me' or keeps asking me 'they won't pop will they mummy?' but if one bangs that's it. I couldn't even take him outside, let him calm down and go back in. He wouldn't calm down until we got home and he was certain we weren't going back.

OP posts:

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 06/08/2007 22:10

olihan, it will get better hopefully. dd2 is almost 5, and its only the last few months that she has progressed.

Judd · 06/08/2007 22:13

I once took DD at the height of her balloon-phobia to a party for 30 children in a church hall. Norman Tinsel made a balloon animal for every child ....and I spent nearly half an hour in the toilets, cuddling DD who was all tearful. It was raining outside, so we couldn't even just walk round the block! I had to keep peeping out to see how many we still had to go, and whether any poor children were desperate for the toilet!

macmama73 · 06/08/2007 22:13

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If a parent told me that their DC had a balloon phobia then I would do what I could to make it a happy party for everyone. If that meant no balloons, or only up high, then ok.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 22:17

judd are you in the northwest?

PrettyCandles · 06/08/2007 22:18

Nothing wrong with asking, but I don't think you can insist on it - after all, balloons may be her dc's most fave treat.

I can absolutely understand BTW because my ds1 used to be like that. He likes balloons now (nearly 7), but is still apprehensive about them and watches balloon modelling with his hands hovering over his ears!

Original poster

Olihan · 06/08/2007 22:21

Thanks LadyVic, that gives me some hope!

Hopefully the mum will be as understanding as a lot of you are

OP posts:

satine · 06/08/2007 22:23

Of course you're not being unreasonable. You're asking for a small change to be made, not dictating how the party should go!

My two both have a real fear of balloons (youger dd having picked it up from her brother) and I just can't go to parties where there are lots of balloons within easy reach, so I have to explain why I'm turning down the invitation. And in every case so far, the lovely mums have adapted their plans. Just as I would try my utmost to make sure that I accommodated the wishes of any guests to my children's parties.

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