Sorry if this post is quite drawn out, I don’t want to drip-feed later!
I am 15 months older than my brother and we are both in our 30s. We grew up in Essex, and since he graduated from university, my brother lived for 5 years in Leicester and now for 2 years on the Scottish Borders.
I suppose we were close as children, we would play together etc but I suppose that’s what all siblings do!
Since adulthood however, he hasn’t really been bothered about having any sort of relationship, it’s always been down to me to call or text him. When I do text him, it’s mainly one word answers and really hard work. I’ve just had a look through old messages – the last time he started a conversation with me was in May 2017!
I feel like I’ve bent over backwards for him, one example of this is when he was moving from Leicester to Scotland, I hired a van and drove from Essex, to Leicester, to Scotland and home again to help him keep the costs of moving down. I often text him little anecdotes or see how he is, but like I said, it’s met with one word answers. If there’s no room for him to sleep at my parent’s house on Christmas Day I always invite him to stay at my house etc
He doesn’t bother with birthday cards/text messages for me or my little boy, and when he comes to visit my parents (who live 5 minutes’ drive from mine) he doesn’t bother to pop in or text me and let me know he’s in the area. 3 months’ ago my Dad was diagnosed with a terminal, life-limiting disease. My brother has been down to visit once, for the day, and doesn’t respond to any text messages sent by either myself, my mum or my dad in the WhatsApp group we had created when my dad went into hospital.
He is close with, and speaks to my Mum on the phone on a daily basis, so I know she keeps him up to date with what’s going on in Essex - I’m pregnant with my second baby but he hasn’t bothered with a congratulations or anything. I sent him a ‘Save-the-Date’ for my wedding, not even a text to say he’s received it, or congratulations.
Despite living in Scotland, his girlfriend lives in Wales, so it’s not like he doesn’t have the ability to maintain a long-distance relationship of any sort. There isn’t any financial reasons why he can’t stick a birthday card in the post to his nephew if not his sister – he has multiple trips to Vegas each year and owns a 3 bedroom house and drives a luxury car!
I’m just wondering if I’m BU if I don’t send him an invitation to the wedding despite the save-the-date? The date of the wedding has actually changed due to the pregnancy, and the invitations explain that. I’d rather save the money I’d spend inviting someone who doesn’t even bother with basic familial communication and conversation, and put it towards another part of the wedding. I know my Mum will be livid, but I feel like it’s my wedding day and I only really want to invite people who care and show an interest in my life. My mum has already told me I should invite his girlfriend and her son too, neither of which I’ve ever met nor has my brother expressed any desire to introduce us.