To think we're deluding ourselves over childcare?

[aliteralAIBUforonce]

I have a child who goes to nursery one day a week. I am very lucky that I can go part time and family have the rest of the time.

He's been doing this since he was 11 months and I hate it. He doesn't dislike it but he doesn't look forward to it either. A couple of times o have dropped him off then had to duck back into the cloak room and I've seen him looking rather lost and alone at the breakfast table. Breaks my heart.

A few times when I've been out and about I've seen staff from nurseries taking groups of kids out. They never, ever engage with the kids. Just each other. Bloody joyless experience by the looks of it. Those are the better ones too.

AIBU to think that we're going to see an epidemic of adolescent mental health problems is the next few years?

This is a shit was to bring up our kids.

I’m not horrified at all. I just don’t understand your way of raising your child and think you’re a fair bit at fault here. You’ve basically started a thread to criticise your own parenting

I didn't ask for suggestions though- I'm making the best of a bad situation. As we all are.

If there was a better option I'd take it.

Interesting level of double-think you've got going on there @Passthecherrycoke

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread. But just wanted to say being in for only one day could be a huge part of the problem. They haven't really been able to gel with everyone and won't feel like part of the group properly. We are lucky I am part time and my family cover the rest. I want to put my child in when they are older (when the free funding kicks in) but I wouldn't do it for just 1 day a week

Op you’ve included your own childcare growing up as ‘evidence’ to your assertion that nurseries and childminders are responsible for the increasing mental health issues faced by young people. Is that to say that you have suffered mental health issues you’re attributing to the childcare you attended?

It’s not double think though. You are literally keeping your child in childcare you think is inferior. I don’t understand how you could do that? My children had the very best, no matter what the cost.

If there was a better option I'd take it.
GIVE UP YOUR JOB! That’s your better option right there!

Talk to the nursery - mine were more settled when I uped there days to two.
If not consider change of nursery.

You’re going to get pages and pages of people trying to justify their choices here op.
My daughter is a psychologist with Camhs and there already is a huge problem with the mental health of young people in this country.
I fully agree that institutional type care is part of the problem and there is plenty of research to back that up.
I never used a nursery: I agree with the posters that say a good childminder is so much better.
A friend was a nursery principal and invited me in when my kids were little. It scared me tbh. Kids wandering around looking lost, loads of crying. I’ve never forgotten it. Oh and it was rated v highly by ofsted. Not a chance I would have put my kids in,

@Passthecherrycoke

Really? Private schools all the way? Perfect diet? Your entire parenting approach researched in peer reviewed journals, totally evidence based?

Or did you just make the best of it, like us meer mortals?

But that was what 20 years ago @Mrskeats? Things have changed a lot since then.

I think the majority of people are happy with their childcare providers, since most would make the effort to make a change if they weren’t - unlike you. So perhaps the problem really lies with you OP and your own paranoia and expectations and inability or unwillingness to find something that suits your child properly. It’s got nothing to do with the how well most childminders or nurseries do their job.

Both of my dds loved nursery. The staff at the nursery I have chosen are excellent with the children. It is completely OTT to suggest nursery leads to mental health problems.

Well we’re talking about childcare. And yes they had the best childcare for their needs.

If I was as unhappy as you I would give up working.

It’s the whole point of your post- nurseries aren’t good enough. Your son is sad. The nursery staff are crap. Yet you continue to put him into this situation which is totally of yours and your partners doing. You’re asking other parents, most of whom wouldn’t have tolerated such unhappiness, to justify it. We don’t need to though

How pass? Are nursery workers now well paid professionals? It’s a business that people are in purely to make money.

@aliteralAIBUforonce

Every child is different. Obviously your child doesn't suit nursery but you are so blinkered by your childminder experience that you'd rather leave your child unhappy than even explore it.

What will your child say about that in years to come & will it impact their mental health ??

My 2 ds went to nursery 1 day a week. Eldest thrived & youngest loved it till he went into preschool room at 3 & didn't take to the nursery nurses.

I listened to my child & found him a childminder that he adored. He still hugs her when he sees her & he's in high school now

Shooting the messenger now.

We all make the best of it, nobody gets everything right.

This is something that I think we could all do better. 1:3 is too high. It should be lower. It should also be better paid and have a higher status.

One day a fecking week will not make your child ill.

Do you know what - I’m doing it.

You have one day a week in nursery and think it’s horrific. You’re really not listening to people. At no point am I horrified - other than reading people with attitudes from the 1950s.

Bye now.

More regulation, EYFS, minimum/ living wage, more choice and competition

No it won't, @Fruityb

But I know people who have their kids in there full time. That will make a child ill.

If you don't feel that nursery is working for him why don't you try a childminder?

Or reduce your hours or ask family members to take him for the day he's meant to be at nursery. Especially if this is the second nursery he's been too and you don't feel it's working!

I've had to reduce my hours and take a chit financially as I can't afford childcare and don't want to burden family with taking my child full-time.

My daughter is a psychologist with Camhs and there already is a huge problem with the mental health of young people in this country.

I have mh issues. I was raised in a two parent, middle class very loving household, no childcare, went straight to school at 4 and a half. How does your daughter prove that it's related to childcarevwhen there's people like me around?

Nurseries have been around long enough that if they caused more mental health problems surely there would be studies that prove this? I have previously looked into it and seen studies that show an increase in cortisol levels in children at nursery for more than 10 hours a day or 30 hours a week but the long term effects of this were unclear

Why havent you answered posters who suggest (as per a lot of nursery policies) that one day a week isn't enough to get used to it and settle properly?

There have been lots of other changes in society in the last few years that could have affected mental health as well...less freedom, less independent play, less exercise, more screen use, more social media, changes in diet etc

The messenger of what @aliteralAIBUforonce? Your own personal and unscientific opinion for which you’ve offered no supporting evidence-based research. That means little to most of us, we don’t feel the need to shoot you.

All my children's childcare providers have been amazing, wonderful staff. You need to find another nursery if you're unhappy.