To think we're deluding ourselves over childcare?

[aliteralAIBUforonce]

I have a child who goes to nursery one day a week. I am very lucky that I can go part time and family have the rest of the time.

He's been doing this since he was 11 months and I hate it. He doesn't dislike it but he doesn't look forward to it either. A couple of times o have dropped him off then had to duck back into the cloak room and I've seen him looking rather lost and alone at the breakfast table. Breaks my heart.

A few times when I've been out and about I've seen staff from nurseries taking groups of kids out. They never, ever engage with the kids. Just each other. Bloody joyless experience by the looks of it. Those are the better ones too.

AIBU to think that we're going to see an epidemic of adolescent mental health problems is the next few years?

This is a shit was to bring up our kids.

Our nursery is utterly amazing. But they do always state that one day a week or even two days with a big gap in the middle (e.g tue and fri) is hard for kids as they struggle "to get used" to going.

^cats* in the meantime look up the work of Prof. Alan Stein at Oxford.

This thread is going the way of many AIBU threads.

OP: AIBU
Everyone : yes
OP: no I'm not and this is why

Ffs

Aliteral AIBU I am an academic too. But how can you be an academic without childcare? It would be impossible. You need plenty of time to think. Children don't let you complete a single thought.

Oh they have.

If a baby is just a healthy being in an institutional environment as with a main care giver, the main care giver clearly doesn't matter.

That's the logical conclusion. Brave New World!

I haven't presented any 'evidence' because I haven't claimed any. I'm making a suggestion.

A lack of current evidence does not prove that something isn't true, of course.

Does anybody have any evidence that Nurseries are beneficial for infants? Two and under?

AIBU to think there are an awful lot of threads popping up on Mumsnet lately desperately trying to convince little women that they should all be back at home looking after the poor darling little kiddies who just won't cope with the idea of working mothers

Not sure if it's a new thing but the nursery thing has always been a topic of angst on MN. Not sure why, given that it is the norm in Scandinavian countries and they don't seem to have all this angst about it.

And of course being a mother is a female thing. Being a parent, however is not.

I don't think my 16 year old can remember his nursery years at all.

As for being rated outstanding, all that proves is that they are good at paperwork. A good rating and your gut feel are far more important.

Oh and I'm a raging feminist too.... Still my second son has been in childcare since 2 1/2 full time. My first didn't. He spent his whole time with a slightly depressed SAHD as I was trying to keep it in the family. But family is not always best, and ds1 cried his eyes out for months when he started school. He just couldn't adjust.

"one is not born, but rather becomes, a women"

I would also like to see this research on the correlation between mental health and nursery childcare. Since you are a feminist academic( 😂) you will surely have it to hand.

@KeepStill

I have actually - for infants it was generally mother or a wet nurse.

Those that went to babyfarms generally died.

These threads crack me up.

OP: AIBU?

MANY REPLY: Yes you are (giving reasons)

OP: all your reasons are wrong and I’ll tar everyone with the same negative brush I’m wielding.

Honestly OP. Some childcare is shit. Some is amazing. Same as some parents and some people. You can’t blanket call all childcare as crap just because your mind is not open to any alternatives.

I’ll say again. DD bloody loved nursery and is now happy, loving and well balanced. As are many other who go to nursery. As some non nursery children are not. It’s variable and depends on the setting, child and parent.

I have plenty that they're beneficial for women. Or do we not matter at all?

As for nurseries, it depends on the specific place, and of course the quality of alternative care at home. SureStart was set up to try and address problems with care at home for many. Most of us would probably bite the hand off people genuinely offering help, support and advice with parenting in those early years (hence the popularity of this website).

I think the system isnt perfect ,but we are set up now for young children to go to Nursery School from a young age.The cost of living is high in the UK and young parents often have no choice but to work.Do you feel you would be better as a SAHM do you think?.Maybe look at your income and have a think about it However so many children attend Nursery that are all fairly well balanced and MH problems are often complex and due to a number of factors TBH

If a baby is just a healthy being in an institutional environment as with a main care giver, the main care giver clearly doesn't matter

But its not one or the other, its both.

I still have a very secure bond with my child despite him being in FT nursery. He has a secure bond with his dad too.

Mrskeats - I went back though his publications to 2013. Most of his MH work seems to be with refugee children or the impact of PND or psychosis in either parent on children. Most of his child development work seems to be around issues in rural South Africa

I think that's a shame op. You can only find shit child minders, shit nannies and shit nurseries. It would seem your options really are limited. Maybe if you say where you live or post on the local boards some one can help you with a recommendation?

For myself, I've a 22 year old daughter and I went back to work full time when she was 4 months old. She was not damaged by the experience, in fact she flourished, otherwise clearly we wouldn't have done it.

As you can see from this thread many parents do haven good child care and uou are in the minority in that where you live apparently all options are shite. That's very sad. As said. Maybe post your location and someone can help you.

My DD loves her nursery and is very attached to a few of the girls that work there- she throws herself out of my arms towards them sometimes!

I think it depends on your child, really. If she’d been a quieter, more cautious child, I might have been more inclined towards a childminder but she’s a sociable little whirlwind and it suits her perfectly xD

I haven't presented any 'evidence' because I haven't claimed any. I'm making a suggestion

Wow, I doubt any reputable academic would be impressed with such a disingenuous statement. You clearly have a thesis that because your poor choice of childcare doesn’t suit your child, all childcare is bad for all children.

No one is claiming that though. You have started a thread on this topic and you can't substantiate your argument with any evidence. As an academic, you are fully aware if a student asserted a point in a piece of their work without any evidence to support their point, they would fail.

I have evidence that my 2 year old has benefitted from nursery - he can socially interact with other children and adults, he can take care of himself in a personal and physical capacity, they are preparing him for school, he has wonderful little friends who he has play dates with all the time.
He's learned he's not always the centre of attention, that you have to take turns and that sometimes you have to wait for an adult if they are dealing with another child - you know all vital life skills!

1 day a week isn't enough, that's why they're struggling - you need at least 2, but preferably 3. I think 1 day a week is terrible for a baby - full time much better.

@StarlingsInSummer

You what?

A thesis isn't proof... that's kind of the point of a thesis.

I didn't realise how poor DS2's first nursery was until we changed to one closer to home. The staff there were totally engaged with the kids but also gave them the independence they needed. Same with our childminder - she is an absolute gem. The kids are part of the family - DS1 has left her now and DS2 has one year left of after school care, and I will be gutted when he goes. Both went from being the little ones being looked after to the big ones helping with the little ones - the kids range in age from 12 to 8 months and they all play together beautifully.

So nobody is claiming that nurseries are beneficial then?

They are simply neutral and all that stuff about secure attachments is made up?

Once again, the female (and is largely female) contribution to the furtherment of the human race is rendered irrelevant by convenience.

By you not us.

No, I said that they can be. It depends. Lots of other people said the same thing. I read that much. I'd kind of expect an op to be more engaged with reading replies tbh.