Aibu to ask why people try to sabotage diets?

[saaagp]

So I'm trying to lose half a stone (put on during extended stay in the states). DBro can be quite sanctimonious with dieting/eating healthily (quite annoying).

However, since I've started really restricting my calories he's been doing his best to sabotage me. E.g. if I would suggest ordering a takeaway to watch the cricket, before going on the diet, he would recommend a healthier alternative 75% of the time. But now he's going out of his way to order me shite. E.g. ordered me a burger king yesterday even though I asked him not to.

I've moved back home temporarily as DP and I in the process of buying our first home. DBro is training to be a pilot and is waiting to go off to flight school. So it's only a temporary living arrangement and won't really affect my health in the long run. Dbro is in good shape so I'm really perplexed.

Another example, DBro is quite weird with germs and ordinarily would never let me eat of his fork but had no problem offering it up yesterday with a huge chunk of chocolate cake.

He's really supportive and a good brother but I have no idea what the f he is doing.

He's being nasty, that's all. Because he can. All you need to say is "Why are you being such a nasty a cunt?"

Cause they're crabs in a bucket, that's why.

I don't think "people" generally do try to sabotage diets. As to why your brother is behaving this way, I'd guess that has a lot more to do with sibling dynamics than dieting.

But surely the reality is that you have to learn to refuse those things he's offering; when he buys you a Burger King you don't eat it. When he wafts chocolate cake in front of you, you refuse.

I appreciate that he's not helping, but you still have the choice to put the right things into your body.

bridgetreilly - I thought similar - quite frustrating. My sister is the exact opposite but I think she appreciates how my appearance affects my confidence.

FudgeBrownie2019 - Of course I should be able to refuse the things he's offering but it's much easier said than done. I turned down the chocolate cake if it makes it any better.

Ask him?
I used to have a “foul weather friend” or rather a “foul weather frenemy”.

She was only happy if people were doing worse than her.

Any attempts to better yourself were met with an bitterness, contempt and sabotage.

Perhaps it’s along those lines?

I think people sabotaging diets is really common actually. It's a form of competitiveness, and also speaks to people's guilt and discomfort about things they know they should be doing and aren't.

I have a sister who has systematically sabotaged every healthy thing I've ever tried to do. When I gave up alcohol for a year, she went on about how boring I was being and how 'a little of what you fancy does you good'. When I gave up meat, she told me I'd never be able to keep it up, and when it became clear I could, she went on and on in concerned tones about how I wasn't getting a balanced diet (I was). When I had a massive scare with sudden high blood pressure, she came to see me bringing wine and cream cakes. Recently, she lost a lot of weight herself and now lectures me smugly about how important it is that I 'develop a healthier attitude to what I put in my body'. She still offers me chocolate and biscuits when I come to her house, though, and takes the piss out of me when I say no.

She sounds awful, but she isn't really. We get on really well. I just ignore this particular behaviour, which, as I say, I think is really common. I suspect your dbro is worried at some level you're going to out-healthy him and attract praise and compliments. At heart everyone wants to be the one who impresses everyone.

Does your DB need to lose weight? I do find that sometimes people try and encourage bad habits because they know they themselves need to stop eating junk\smoking\drinking too much alcohol, etc. Is there any reason for him to feel threatened by you wishing to improve your health? Or is he just a bit of an idiot? My DF used to tell me I was fat when I was in my late teens, and then would sit in front of me with cake, sweet treats, and deliberately ooh and ahh over it in front of me - Whilst I sat there with a banana. But he was being a prick. Perhaps your brother has simply reverted back to childhood with you, and is doing what he can to annoy you. I guess only you know his real personality, and need to work out from it why he is doing this. Call him out on it and see what he says.

Ordering you a Burger King when you told him not to was plain weird.

I take it from now on you'll be ordering your own food?

My OH is a feeder. I honestly have to say no about 15 to 20 times a day. I've just given in to having to do this. He can offer and buy you things but only you can eat it.

I don't think "people" generally do try to sabotage diets

I totally disagree.

Go on a diet and out come homemade brownies at work, friends & family comments like "oh you can start your diet tomorrow", "it's only 1 slice", etc

When I lost some weight for the first time of trying a few years ago I eventually spotted how subtle, powerful & near constant the lack of support from colleagues, friends and family was, and how my ability to diet is a lot easier if I socialize less. It's all directly linked.

My dbro is genuinely one of the nicest guys which is why I find this so odd.

Does your DB need to lose weight? Not at all, he's training to be a pilot so takes very good care of himself.

I did call him out and he just laughed it off (I said it lightheartedly). He didn't deny it though!

Ordering you a Burger King when you told him not to was plain weird

Yes, it was very odd! We never order for each other in this house, we always double-check even if we're sure what the other person wants.

Then don’t eat it!

He orders you a Burger King, you asked him not too. When it arrived you should of said “I asked you not to order, I don’t want it, I’m not eating it”

Is he paying for your take aways? Because it’s t would be a bit silly saying I’m saving up for a house then buying take aways.

Ultimately you either want to lose weight or you don’t, and that takes willpower

What was the dynamics your parents created between the siblings when you were growing up?

Luckily I find losing weight fairly easy so it's not a massive problem. But yes I should have said no. In my defence, he bought it back just as I was about to make a chicken salad (only had egg whites and green juice for breakfast). Just odd how all of a sudden he's bringing back treats.

My OH is a feeder. I honestly have to say no about 15 to 20 times a day

That's creepy af

Go on a diet and out come homemade brownies at work

How is that sabotage though?

Other people are entitled to bring these things to work.

What I have done in a similar situation – my DM buying me boxes of chocolates and sweets that she knows I love, even though she knows I’m on a diet – is to give them away. I don’t even open them I just give them away. I think what you should do, if your DB buys you another burger for example, it’s just say to him ‘ do you want this?’ And if he says no, throw it in the bin. No discussion, no explanation, just throw it straight in the bin. And do it so that you can’t pick it up back out again later! Chuck it in and pour, say, washing up liquid on it. Wasteful and drastic I know, but perhaps seeing money down the drain will stop him doing this silly thing.

I do agree that a lot of people try to sabotage diet/fitness in others and I’ve experienced this many times.

Generally it’s people who are insecure and, consciously or not, don’t like the idea of someone being slimmer or fitter than them (if they’re overweight) or encroaching on their territory as ‘the healthy one’ (if they’re not overweight).

I also think some partners (or parents) do it purely as a means of control.

I was on a VLCD diet with shakes and only ate turkey and salad all the time and i fed my mum all the stuff I wanted unintentionally I just wanted it so gave it to her when I was making teas and things. Is he eating healthy too?
Or maybe he really wanted a burger but wanted to drag you in on it so he had less guilt. Or maybe dieting has become a competition for you both like some sort of sibling rivalry and he thought it he's going down your going with him.

WorraLiberty because some people all of a sudden start bringing unhealthy foods in the minute you say you are on a diet and they never did before. Some people intentionally try to stop you bettering yourself as any improvement in you highlights how crap they are and they are desperate to not be 'left behind'. Sad but so common.

My DH is a bit like this, he's thin but thinks he isn't and tends to buy me a curry from a takeaway for example even if I say I don't want one. He over orders as well and buys more food than we need. We were cooking for my Mum on Saturday night and he put more than we needed in the trolley for the dinner. I know it's going to be uneaten so it's a waste. I think some people do find it annoying if you don't join in the 'takeaway' almost like you are being awkward. I've been staying with my Mum during the summer break as we are having building work done and it's hard to be on a diet here as although she eats lots of veg it's a bit plain for me or she'll accommodate my preteens requests for pizza which I don't want on a diet so when I cook something for myself I think she finds it odd and thta somehow we must all eat the same thing.

Ahh I see doublesheesh.

Probably best not to mention it then.