Aibu to ask why people try to sabotage diets?

[saaagp]

So I'm trying to lose half a stone (put on during extended stay in the states). DBro can be quite sanctimonious with dieting/eating healthily (quite annoying).

However, since I've started really restricting my calories he's been doing his best to sabotage me. E.g. if I would suggest ordering a takeaway to watch the cricket, before going on the diet, he would recommend a healthier alternative 75% of the time. But now he's going out of his way to order me shite. E.g. ordered me a burger king yesterday even though I asked him not to.

I've moved back home temporarily as DP and I in the process of buying our first home. DBro is training to be a pilot and is waiting to go off to flight school. So it's only a temporary living arrangement and won't really affect my health in the long run. Dbro is in good shape so I'm really perplexed.

Another example, DBro is quite weird with germs and ordinarily would never let me eat of his fork but had no problem offering it up yesterday with a huge chunk of chocolate cake.

He's really supportive and a good brother but I have no idea what the f he is doing.

It’s definitely true you have to learn to say no, but the early stages of a diet are really hard.

I’ve lost over a stone (I am well named!) and I have another 4 to go. Now I’ve got some weight loss behind me I can refuse cakes and wine and sweets but in the first week especially it’s really hard not to.

I had to have a very serious talk with my loved ones about it and they did take it on board. It’s hard though. Best of luck OP

I had this when I was in a strict diet. Suddenly the other women I worked with kept going on about how skinny my arms were and how I shouldn't lose too much weight. It was all competition / jealousy / insecurity / hierarchy.

I had a boss who always used to accuse me of sabotaging her diet. I really fell out with her over it. I was the team manager so would bring in cakes and treats for the team but also fresh fruit, cereal bars etc. She would then declare she's starting a diet and when I would come in with more food as I always do she would kick off that we were being unfair to her by eating cakes around her.

You're an adult, if you don't want to eat something just say no and keep saying no if they keep asking. What's next, are we all going to blame Tesco for sabotaging our diets because they have the nerve to sell chocolate? Those bastards.

EllesBells123 - My brother specifically bought me something I had asked him not to. Your Tesco example is a million miles away from my situation.

My DMIL does this. I’m pre-diabetic and trying desperately to lose weight as part of a healthier lifestyle. I got down from 15 stone to 13 stone 10 last summer, but over the winter and a few overseas trips it has crept back up to 14 stone 7.

DMIL was widowed young, so you’d think she would understand about not wanting to die prematurely myself. However, when we visit her she brings out the chocolate biscuits, which she has “bought specially” for me. I have tried countless times to ask her not to get them in for me, but she takes pity on me and thinks I should have a treat once in a while. NO, MUM!!!

Last week DW went to visit her and came home with fresh cream eclairs, specially for me. It is very easy to say “Simple - don’t eat them”, but if you are tempted at the wrong moment all will power can evaporate.

Because ''being the HEALTHY/Slim one'' is his identity!?

Lots of slim healthy people do this. God forbid you might also be slim and healthy. That's like, their gig

I worked in one office where anyone actually losing weight was viewed with deep suspicion - they were all on diets but they were always saying how they 'deserved a treat' or 'were going to be naughty' which meant they spent half their day with their hand in the biscuit barrel. Apparently to actually lose weight or - horrors! - already be slim was to be 'not properly one of the team'.

They were batshit and I suspect that they just didn't like anyone highlighting their failures to achieve what they kept saying they were going to.

Just don't eat the stuff he gets, but it most probably is just a fun man thing he is doing.. Pilots have to be serious, but also have a good sense of humour. And he probably wouldn't let you get on is plane if you were seriously overweight ha ha.

He likes being the healthy one and feeling superior while you eat your takeaways. He didn’t want you to actually make healthier choices, he just enjoyed getting to tell you you should.

Ignore him, stick with the healthy eating, and if he’s otherwise a decent person he’ll get over it pretty fast.

He also ate a burger king! My brother is more physically fit (goes to the gym daily) but my siblings and I are all slim-ish. This is the first serious weight gain I've ever had.

I was the poster who mentioned work colleagues making brownies... Yes it's fine in normal cases. But that example was a real, and very outing, one. I've basically got an older fat female work colleague who rarely did home baking for the team, suddenly the week after I opt out of bacon butty Fridays and say I'm dieting.. literally every week suddenly she brought in homemade sweet treats. The brownies were the last straw where I told her to f off and threw them in the bin in front of her, cue an HR investigation into bullying sigh
Wherein I had to explain that this woman had been making my diet a focus point of conversation, typical pressuring behaviour ("I'll be offended if you don't try a bit! Oh I spent 2hrs making these last night because I know you like coconut! You can get back on your diet tomorrow" etc)... Yes. She even did the leaving slices at my desk thing. AND passing them around at team meetings where I had to say no thanks about 5 times, it was so fucking embrassing.

I still work there and have to work with her. But her sabotaging my (otherwise uneventful, not very often mentioned) diet has permanently soured things.

If any work colleagues recognise the brownies incident, hello!

7lbs is a serious weight gain?

Is this thread really about your brother?

Beginning to think you posted this because you want to talk about disordered eating etc as you have been very keen to drip feed hints about extreme dieting, egg whites and green juice, Slimfast.

You can lose 7lbs v easily in less than a month through regular healthy eating.

I've lost 11lb of the 4 stone I need to be in the 'healthy' range and as soon as I started losing weight, dh started fetching cakes (and I mean ginormous slabs of chocolate fudge, peanut butter and chocolate, mint aero cake , cheesecakes, tray bakes of rocky road or caramel shortbread cake) home from his work - that's on top of the pizza and pasta that he was already bringing home each night! It's no wonder I got so big to start with!

I've dealt with the pizza and pasta easily enough by eating my own tea and going to bed before he gets in just after midnight but the cakes are sat in the fridge the next day! It's taken all my willpower to just leave them or give them to the kids. I'm hoping he stops it soon though, he keeps 'forgetting'. It seems to be quite common for people to do this in various forms, I've always wondered why!

BlockedAndDeleted - 7lbs is serious weight gain for me (especially in the space of 3 weeks).

I'm in my 20s and childless. I'm trying to lose my weight asap as I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks and the clothes I purchased at the beginning of my holiday are tight! If I had more time I wouldn't be so "extreme". But a couple of weeks eating eggs, green juices, chicken salads etc is fine imo.

Probably to get the dieter to shut up about it. Dieters and runners are the most tedious people to talk to.

Fair enough.

That is a lot to put on in a short space of time tbf.

And if it’s for a short space of time it’s not an issue I agree.

Maybe there is some underlying anthropological group survival instinct going on if it is that widespread. Certainly our individual bodies have mechanisms to resist weight loss (including making food actually taste better), maybe there are social ones too?

Part of it is surely the phenomenon when you never noticed Dacia cars on the road before until you buy one and your brain notices every time it passed another one. It's not necessarily that you are seeing more of them but that you are primed to notice them - so being more aware of other people's food and food offering habits when you are on a diet would be likely.

Also people have different approaches to self control/eating in moderation. I would rather manage my environment to reduce the number of calls on my willpower. So I choose not to buy high sugar/snacky foods in the supermarket- even avoiding the aisles they are in and then am not faced with making that choice everytime I go into the kitchen. DH can buy stuff and make it last a few days, I find that too difficult, if it's there I tend to eat it to make it gone I'm working around that by restricting my diet in other ways so that I have a defined no, rather than trying to handle moderation. I find it easier to have the decision made in advance and totally abstain rather than decide each time whether I'll have it or not. (Abstainers versus moderators I think in Gretchen Rubin's book about habits)

There's also the physical differences between men and women at play. In general men's base calorie needs are higher so they can eat more of this stuff than women. So it probably seems less of a big deal to have a burger for him.

If I eat the way my husband eats I put on weight while he maintains. It's so annoying.

I have had to be firm about him "getting me something" sweet when he goes shopping to make himself feel generous whilst getting himself something. And it's hard because when I'm low and ready to binge, I do want something sweet and join him. It's hard to stick with healthy choices long term.

But yeah, 7lbs overweight.. you know our bodies fluctuate quite a bit anyway, it probably doesn't need a drastic approach that could lead to a bigger yo-yo dieting spiral. So I can see why he's maybe thinking the diet isn't important, but that's your decision not his to make.

Dieters and runners are the most tedious people to talk to.

Heaven forbid other people should dare not to tailor their conversation to your specific interests, eh?

Has it occurred to you that people might find you really tedious too?