Aibu to ask why people try to sabotage diets?

[saaagp]

So I'm trying to lose half a stone (put on during extended stay in the states). DBro can be quite sanctimonious with dieting/eating healthily (quite annoying).

However, since I've started really restricting my calories he's been doing his best to sabotage me. E.g. if I would suggest ordering a takeaway to watch the cricket, before going on the diet, he would recommend a healthier alternative 75% of the time. But now he's going out of his way to order me shite. E.g. ordered me a burger king yesterday even though I asked him not to.

I've moved back home temporarily as DP and I in the process of buying our first home. DBro is training to be a pilot and is waiting to go off to flight school. So it's only a temporary living arrangement and won't really affect my health in the long run. Dbro is in good shape so I'm really perplexed.

Another example, DBro is quite weird with germs and ordinarily would never let me eat of his fork but had no problem offering it up yesterday with a huge chunk of chocolate cake.

He's really supportive and a good brother but I have no idea what the f he is doing.

How is that sabotage though?

Other people are entitled to bring these things to work.

Of course they are, but they aren’t entitled to try to relentlessly persuade anyone else to eat them. All that “Oh go on! One won’t hurt! You know you want to! I’ll be offended if you don’t try one! I don’t want it to go to waste” business is really tedious.

I lost a lot of weight once and a particular colleague suddenly got so weird about trying to make me eat stuff I didn’t want (to the point where I would firmly refuse a slice of cake six or seven times only to come back from a meeting half an hour later and find she had left a slice on my desk) that loads of other people commented on how bloody weird it was.

We have a cake club at work and withdrew membership as I am not a massive fan of cake, they all had to be home made when it was your turn to bring them in and this was a huge faff for me which I didn't need. The person who organises the club has asked me back so many times, it's quite awkward as I feel like I have a disordered way of thinking as no one else has trouble with a bit of cake.

Blimey that really is weird behaviour dolly, I agree.

I really enjoy cake on a very adhoc basis like on my own in the marks cafe watching my DD from afar try on school shoes as we'd already been looking for 4 hours for them or when I took my young DD randomly to a nationational trust property straight after school which is about 4p minute drive away just before it closed and we shared a piece of carrot cake. I do not like the forced fun of 'Cake Friday' though, particularly if I would rather save my indulgence for a glass of wine Friday night!

Is he testing your will power in a strange way. Or just being an annoying brother

Sorry, 'National Trust' and 40 minute drive away not the above!

Well, some people know that the slimming industry is a total scam, and that too many others (particularly women) feel under pressure to be very thin when they needn't. And, despite all the idiot propaganda, it's OK NOT TO BE THIN. So sometimes, those who offer food are simply bored or annoyed by the constant diet-talk.

Also, OP, you say you have severely restricted your calorie intake. Could your DBro think you are developing an eating disorder? Is your diet stupid, faddy, unhealthy? Are you losing a lot of weight? People who try to tempt a dieter to eat are sometimes right to do so if the other person is self-starving to an unhealthy point, after all.

Oh, and the PP who has issues with the work cake club - I don't bake, so anyone expecting home made cakes off me would be told they could have shop-bought ones or fucking whistle. If you want to be passive-aggressive at this numpty, go and buy some of those horrible silimming-industry cakes and present them with a boxful.

OP does he think you don't need to lose the weight? I was very thin in my early 20's, had problems with eating and my brother who is older would do stuff like this to show he cared or say things like, 'you wouldn't need that extra jumper if you put some weight on?' I know it's because he was never going to have a deep emotional conversation with me about it.

It seems to be a fairly common thing. Ever since I told DH about three weeks ago that I wanted to cut down, he appears to be going out of his way to buy the wrong sort of stuff (he does most of the food shopping). Things like sausage rolls, quiche, chicken kiev, battered fish, sausages, all manner of things in pastry or breadcrumbs. He's even started buying crisps, which he's never done before. It's really quite odd.

..we must all eat the same thing Yes dsis takes it as a personal insult that I don't have a dressing on my salad when we order in a restaurant (weird just because I hate vinegar!). She says it gives the chef more to do !!!!!

She IS unhealthy and for some reason thinks we all should be !! It's very juvenile and she's 66!!

runaway that made me laugh! I'll provide more context, but you may still find it creepy. So, he eats a lot of sweets. He'll go to make a cuppa and will make a selection of sweets for himself, but being polite he'll ask if I want anything. "I'm getting some treats, do you want anything?" (No thanks) How about a "x"? (No, I'm good thanks) How about a "y"? (No) Did I try that new thing yet? (I haven't but I don't want it right now, drop it) Sure? Ok. So that's 5 right there, and if we have a day at home then this will happen 2 or 3 times. If we pass the fridge at the same time he'll dip in for some chocolate and ask me if I want this or that.

saaagp - maybe he's worried about the way you are dieting? If he is into healthy eating, maybe he thinks you're being too restrictive, which is no more healthy? Or that you are otherwise developing an unhealthy relationship with food and need to relax a bit? Or maybe he's just so used to you enjoying junk food that you refusing it is freaking him out a bit!

I think people can be very odd about diets. My own mother told me I was getting “too thin” when I finally got a grip of my baby weight (almost 4 years after the baby was born). I simply wasn’t. I just wasn’t overweight anymore. My BMI was in the middle of the healthy range for my height. There is absolutely no way that I looked unhealthily thin.
I no longer tell anyone if I’m trying to lose weight. I’ve kept most of it from so if I am trying to lose weight it’s just the pesky half stone that creeps on when I’m not looking and I don’t tell a soul, I just deal with it quietly.

*most of it off (not from)

ReanimatedSGB - I have a total of 7lbs to lose. I know I can lose the weight (and keep it off) if I do my own version of Slimfast. Dbro might think it's a bit unnecessary.

Oh and I know the slimming industry is rubbish. I'm slim, not thin, AND healthy , that's the way I like it. My dm and dh are ok with it but dsis is not!

My Mum worries about my eating habits because she is 3 sometimes 4 meals a day at the same time kind of eater but still slim and small. I just think if I ate like that then I would be bigger so I don't do it. However, this is easier to manage in my own home as it doesn't stress her out what she isn't witness to.

It doesn't matter what the brother's opinion is on whether she needs to lose weight.

She told him not to order her a Burger King and he did it anyway.

He's not the boss of her food intake.

Flip it round.

The OP asks him to order her a Burger King and he orders her a salad instead because he thinks she needs to lose weight.

Cheeky git either way.

I find people do generally try and sabotage diets for whatever reason “oh go on, just one! It won’t hurt!” “But you’re already soooo tiny” “you don’t need to go on a diet”. I find it infuriating but counter it with “I don’t want to discuss my diet” or “isn’t it boring talking about what I eat all the time? I certainly think so!”. Work people can be a bit bad but my mum is the worst. If I need to lose weight she will tell me and then when I’m in the process she wants me to validate her wine drinking etc by joining her. Can’t win.

Clearly he doesn't actually want you to be losing the weight because of his self esteem and selfishness. If you're fatter, he looks better. If you're feeling bad about your self, he'll feel good being the slim one. Also it will make him feel guilty every time he sees you making diet decisions because he might not be.

It's not nice what he's doing. Not offering support and trying to continue something in your life that's making you unhappy. Just don't accept the temptation that he puts in your face. Ask him to support you. Don't eat the Burger King next time if you didn't ask for it.

ive also seen it as worry/fear kicks in too.espcially with people you care about.diet and losing wiehgt/changing yourself.bring out in those you love something primal that your fine/beautful need to be ok.
of course there are those who do it because they are insecure but i have seen it lots more in people who care for people that they just dont want them to have to feel they need to restrict themselves so the opposit e kicks in.