Single mum on holiday. AIBU to impose silence on my children??

[lovemenorca]

I’m on my own with them
We are having a lovely time
But my goodness - the talking. It’s does not stop. And they constantly need my validation - watching them jump in the pool / dive / throw a beach ball etc etc etc

It gets to the end of the day and I’ve been imposing a silent one hour after we get back from the beach. And i take it seriously and brutal!. If they attempt to talk to me, about anything - I cut them off with a shush.

An outsider looking in - it would certainly seem appalling. The child trying to engage with mother, the mother not even allowing them to finish their first word without telling them to shush.

But I just feel it’s never ending otherwise

Anyone else relate and so similar? Or am I taking it a step too far?!

[PapaShango]

We play the silence game. Whoever stays silent the longest gets a special treat. It has to be done sometimes, I don’t even feel bad about it!

I’m not a single parent but dh works long hours. He’s left for work before dc are up and is back when they’re asleep. It’s so hard some days. My dc also have loud voices. They talk/shout/scream/fight all day long. I take them on holiday alone because dh can’t take time off in the summer holidays. It’s tough

[HolidayStartsMonday]

Oh OP! I do sympathise as sometimes my two drive me crazy with their incessant chatter. However...

I know I'm going against the grain here, but a whole hour for little ones seems quite harsh. What if they want to tell you they have a pain? Or ask for a drink? Or are feeling upset by something they are thinking about?

Can't you let them watch a movie or play tablets? Whenever I need quiet time, we have 'movie night' (or 'movie morning'/ 'movie afternoon...' you get the picture!) And the kids choose a movie, we shut the curtains, get them some popcorn etc.. and there is silence for up to 1.5 hours!!! Now they r getting a bit older, tablets with YouTube are also handy for an hour's break! (they play them every morning on holiday which gives me a lie in and keeps them happy and quiet)

What are they doing for the hour they are quiet??

[ASundayWellSpent]

I can totally related but an hour is way too long IMO, twenty minutes to entertain themselves away from me while I have a cup of tea is enough in our house

[MrsBobDylan]

Nothing but admiration from me op. It just means that you will all enjoy each other's company more!

[LittleBird74]

YANBU at all!!
Single parent to one 8 yr old DS who has not stopped making noise since he began to babble as a baby.
He talks incessantly for the sake of talking and it kills me dead.
You impose that silent time and you enjoy every second!
We did the same on holiday, came in, had our bath/shower and he had the iPad for as long as it was between then and going out for food.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

I'm a single parent with one child ds aged 5 and I totally get it ! He wasn't too bad on holiday as he made friends with a group of kids .... however due to school hols he's been allowed to stay up a but later- only on the proviso he's quiet! It's mummy time to watch tv or read so he can play with quiet toys, read , iPad, colouring etc. No noisy toys, talking, shouting, singing or dancing!

[BehindATractor]

Honestly, I think an hour is fine. As long as they’re clear what they can tell you about (banged head, cut finger, house on fire) and what needs to wait or be dealt with by themselves (telling you about something they thought of doing next, asking for a drink other than water from the tap that they can get themselves etc) then it’s just enough time for them to get really in to their book or some imaginative play with Lego or something like that. An ability to focus for more than a few minutes is helpful in school. And an ability to have empathy for other people’s needs is important in life.

[CupoTeap]

Yep totally agree!

We had one bedroom and I put the dc in there - they had a choice: sleep, tv, iPad whichever they choose as fine as long as they had a quiet rest

[arethereanyleftatall]

Totally get this, but I'd relable it quiet time, with the disclaimer of you're allowed to speak if you're hurt!
I remember the days (I think dds were about 5&7), when I'd strap dd5 in to her car seat, and I'd close the door, and then the quiet walk around to the driver side was sheer bliss. About 5 seconds. It seems ridiculous really, but I do remember the happy sigh as I closed the door on them.

[BraveGoldie]

Great idea and they are plenty old enough to cope. In fact it is GOOD for them to learn to be self sufficient and to have some quiet/ calm time too. And good for them to have a less strung out mummy too!

All I would say is it tends to work best in my house if it is:

a) structured..... there is a heads up it will happen (normally as you are already doing, straight after some activity), it is timed, and I actually call it something ("quiet time"). We find some activity they can settle with while I am retired- check they have what they need etc. And they know the rules (eg: of course they can come to me for any serious need, but silly interruptions add ten more minutes to quiet time!)

B) does not feel like a punishment in any way. It being structured/ expected helps with this but it is also tone..... knowing I am going to get the quiet time helps me be firm but cheerful in setting it up, and if they have given it to me nicely, I always make sure I come out with a bit of refreshed, warm energy to reward them!

Good for everybody.

[Jaffacakebeast]

Taking kids on holiday alone is not a holiday, you need one afterwards just to recover. Honestly tho enjoy it as much as u can. 3/4 years and they won’t want to go alone with you. Will want their mates and social media. The end is in sight

[InfiniteSheldon]

I know you are on holiday so not possible but i did a very similar thing with my children as a single parent. As soon as neighbours came on mine had to sit down and be quiet. neighbours time was quiet time and even as older children and young adults as neighbours comes on they hit the silent button. It started as I have a bit of a dodgy blood condition and I needed to have my legs raised for 20 minutes every day and continued long after my love for Neighbours hbours completely dued

[PooWillyBumBum]

One hour a day is nothing, and it’s your holiday too! I only have one kid and am not a single mum (anymore!) but I can soooo relate, especially if you’re introverted or noise “stresses” you, as I feel it does me. Enjoy your quiet hour.

[stucknoue]

Two words ... kids club! Even with 2 of us it was the way to maintain sanity dd2 needed constant validation until she was about 10 (dd1 would sit and read for hours)

[Iminagony]

Wow. Mine is the same but I can't imagine ordering her to be silent for an hour.

Going against the grain here but to me YABU.

I want mine to be able to tell me anything in the future. If you're teaching them they cannot talk to you at times, I'd be worried they wouldn't talk to you when they need to one day.

I get it's tough. Find something to distract them, a film, books, iPad etc. While you have some peace but not ordered silence.

[IsobelRae23]

I used to impose this a lot when they were little ‘please I need one hour of quiet now’. They are now 14 & 19, and I have to get them to take out their headphones, when I need to tell them something and I get ‘what do you want I’m trying to listen to something’, O how things have reversed lol.

[Michaelbaubles]

Mine are similar ages and I go for a “rest” every afternoon in the holidays (ideally a nap but sometimes just a read/lie down). They’re not to disturb me - but of course they can come in if someone’s hurt or there’s an emergency, they’re not frightened of me! Usually they watch TV and are glad of the break themselves after a morning of activities (I don’t allow screen time after breakfast). Then we can regroup and do something else together.

Oh and if they need a drink they know where the tap is 🤷‍♀️

[Topsy44]

I am a single parent to a 7 year old DD and can totally relate. YANBU. I agree with Jaffacakebeast, its not a holiday for you when you are a single parent, its hard work. Enjoy that hour's silence and you will feel recharged again afterwards.

I am not on holiday but at home, DD is watching tv and I am having my quiet time with a cuppa and mumsnet before the relentnessness of the day!

I hear you and you are not alone in your thinking!!

[DogWorried]

Play the quiet game. Give them a five pound note each and all they have to do is lean it against a wall using their mouth without letting it drop. Person who keeps it up the longest wins and gets to keep the money

[Azeema]

Quiet time ok, that is like having siesta. Read, nap, do craft.
Silent time not ok, that is too harsh.

[BraveGoldie]

Oh and I wouldn't just do it on holiday Op - make it a daily practice any day you are completely with them or need some peace and quiet!

[swingofthings]

Oh yes! Exhaustion if rewarding. Your one hour rule seems very fair as long as you've explained why and don't make sound like a terrible punishment. As long as they have enough to keep them busy during thst time and you the resume talking say over dinner, I think it's an excellent way to allow you to have a breather and remain sane.

[bellabasset]

This made me laugh, even 20 minute breaks two or three times a day is doable for little ones. It's good for them to learn to concentrate as it will help them study in later life.

[chocolaterain]

Ohh I love these ideas, my eldest is only 2 but the constant mummy mummy mummy mummy and repeating the same thing to me all the time does get very draining. When they are older I will be implementing some of these tactics!

[GruciusMalfoy]

Absolutely nothing wrong with this! When we go on holiday we often have a quiet hour or so after being at the beach/pool all day. I might nap, and the kids are told to be quiet for that time. It's an hour out of an otherwise busy day, it probably does everyone good!