Single mum on holiday. AIBU to impose silence on my children??

[lovemenorca]

I’m on my own with them
We are having a lovely time
But my goodness - the talking. It’s does not stop. And they constantly need my validation - watching them jump in the pool / dive / throw a beach ball etc etc etc

It gets to the end of the day and I’ve been imposing a silent one hour after we get back from the beach. And i take it seriously and brutal!. If they attempt to talk to me, about anything - I cut them off with a shush.

An outsider looking in - it would certainly seem appalling. The child trying to engage with mother, the mother not even allowing them to finish their first word without telling them to shush.

But I just feel it’s never ending otherwise

Anyone else relate and so similar? Or am I taking it a step too far?!

[AnneElliott]

I used to do this so I don't think YABU. DS was often told he could only come and speak if it was an emergency as I just needed the mental space.

Now he's 13 I have to ask him to actually take his headphones off! Otherwise I don't get a word out of him all day!

[NavyBlueHue]

Genius OP. YANBU.

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

We have a competition here...it starts with me saying 'silence in the courtyard, silence in the street, the biggest, fattest idiot is just about to speak'....it stems from my own childhood

[MarySibleysFamiliar]

I'm not a single parent and my DH is a doting dad who does just as much of not more parenting than me and I still need some proper "shut the hell up!" time. YADNBU to impose a silent hour. Good for you.

[SudowoodoVoodoo]

Quiet time is important for everyone to sone extent, and I'm sure that their teachers will love you at some point in the future

DS1 has to go to his room for "quiet time" after school as his chance to decompress from the day as he gets over loaded easily.

I often ask for silence when I'm driving so I can concentrate, especially for certain junctions which have to be watched hawk-like in 4 directions and merging simultaneously at 50 and 20mph with the flow of traffic as they cross over eachother. My DCs need very little explanation for that junction approaching now

Yes, we should be able to listen to and support our children, but that doesn't have to be constant, and it's good for them to learn to filter what is important (I've been stung by a wasp, immediate action required), useful (I need this tomorrow, action can wait until a suitable moment) and trivial (running commentary of hypothetical Minecraft World)

[Busymummylady]

Awwww, well done for taking a break. Seems like you’re already there, so maybe my suggestions will be tardy. Firstly, you aren’t being unreasonable; secondly, stop validation, who has time for that on holiday? thirdly, can you create an itinerary? So, what hubby and I did with the 3 and now 4 kids is go to breakfast in the morning, then sat by the pool from about 10:45 till 14:00. During that time they can stay in the pool in front of us, ( not wandering around the hotel) and stay together. I normally bring colouring books and reading books for the kids when they get fed up of the pool. I may take them to tennis or archery or hotel sports. They get an instant time out for arguing ( but rarely do). We go for lunch and then go to the beach. Around 14:30/15:00 we go for a Nap and I don’t care about their ages,or whether they think they need a nap. It’s important for the kids to know that one afternoon per day during the ONE week of ME is non- negotiable. My 11 and 9 year olds know there is no negotiation. Any back chat and they miss the evening hotel entertainment. They normally fall asleep after 30 minutes, but normally sooner because they’re exhausted from the heat and swimming etc. I wake them up around dinner time and go to eat. Then go to the hotel entertainment as a thank you to the kids. If they wake before I do, or before I’m finished reading etc, they have to colour in, or read. I also bring their CGP and KS1-3 books. If they misbehave, act up, backchat or push it in anyway during our family time of rest and recuperation, they have to revise and do education work. I’m not playing, I work and home-educate as well as have a baby, so everyone has to play their part in making the holiday memorable. So sweetie, you can do it. Just plan out the next few days. Then have a family meeting to explain your requirement and the rewards as well as the penalties for adhering/ ignoring what you’ve asked. Stay calm and explain that while they can share their feelings, you still require the conditions above and will still implement penalties for misbehaviour or noise during your quiet time. Ask the reception desk for plain paper for you to write out the itinerary (or algebra)for the kids and paper for them to draw or use their devices in silence once they’ve napped. All the best hun. Xxx

[highheelsandbobblehats]

It's 0930. I have just kicked my children out of the living room to have some quiet time of my own. They are on their tablets and I walked in to find that the 6 year old had been leaning on the sofa with his feet on the floor so the rug was shoved halfway up the fireplace (yes, I need to get a rug grip) and I could hear the 8 year old LOUDLY narrating his Minecraft game from two rooms away 'go away Mr. Villager, I'm going to get you pig' etc.
My 8 year old is just a constant source of noise. He favours stupid noises, monologues and back chat. The 6 year old is generally a bit easier as he entertains himself easier (ignored second child?). But it's the end of the holidays. So the bickering has stepped up as they've not had a break from each other. We go on holiday on Wednesday and they're keen to attend the kids clubs. Hoping the 6 year old will opt to go in the younger one as he's on the cusp and can do both, as they will give them some time apart.
Husband can't understand why they would go to kids club. I quote 'what will I do?! Can I stay and watch them'. Yeah if you like, I'll go read my book!

[lovemenorca]

Thank you all, really mean it

That hour rejuvenates me for round 2!

[Sexnotgender]

Totally old enough for quiet time at 6.5 and 9!!

[Emmas1985]

My idea of happy hour

[ravenmum]

I get it too, but if that was a film, it would then cut to the kids starting a fire in another room, or seeing a thief steal their mum's purse, and then running in to tell her and being shushed!

[PeriComoToes]

MrsTSwift that's very OTT and quite upsetting. Pencils in their mouths for the entire day?

[Iwantacookie]

No your not at all. I used to have half hour time when I got in from work and the dc do when they get in from school.
Everybody needs a bit of time to themselves don't feel guilty you'll feel so much better after some you time.

[Ginseng1]

Absolutely required! On hols our youngest would nap for an hour in the afternoon & the 12 & 10 yr old in no uncertain terms were told this is quiet hr, they could read go on devices head off to playground whatever but me & Dh were not to be disturbed n would read/snooze whatever! The 12yr old grand but the 10yr old would be looking to play games etc

[MyCatsHat]

I get it OP! I think distraction is good, or anything that can get them to naturally be quiet like reading or an ipad game - but I also think it's OK to explain you need quiet time yourself and get them to understand that, just as they need your attention a lot of the time, there are things you need.

I'm a single mum, mine are a bit older and do understand but they still find it hard. Me: "I need to sit down with a coffee and magazine for 20 minutes now, please can no one talk to me unless it's an emergemcy, I just need some quiet."
Kids: "OK!"

"Mum..."
:o

[zzzzzzzz12345]

Oh OP, poor you! I completely understand. I don’t do the silence thing but I do say ‘I’m nit watching your every move’ or ‘play amongst yourselves, I’m reading/relaxing for half an hour’ constantly. It’s good for kids to become more self sufficient and not seek continual validation. Yanbu. Well done for carving yourself out some head space.

[Crochetymum]

Love it, we do this in the car after 30 mins plus of talking, questions, radio " I like this one, turn it up", they get sillier sometimes tho, bouncing around, trying sign language, silent giggling! When you've had a full day out it can be a bit much. Phone, tablet, book works sometimes, my daughter also played with some clay for ages in the car the other day, I still had to look at what she'd made, and her brother stole it a few times and wrecked it. Then when we get home they go and chill in their rooms, I like my quiet time

[Fairylea]

I am not a single parent but I do have ds aged 7 who has autism and who is currently obsessed with supercars and their engine components. He talks at me about it from the second he wakes up at 5.30am until he goes to bed at 8pm. Constantly. It is just so draining. But he’s very enthusiastic and excited ....!

[AtSea1979]

I do this.
I even sent my 14 yo DS to bed last night at 6pm because I needed and evening to myself after two weeks of holiday with them. “But mum it’s only 6pm”.
“I don’t care. Hand your screens over, in to bed, your tired from too make late nights whilst away and I need space”. It was bliss, I watched the entire series of Deep Water and ate a full bar of Cadbury’s dark chocolate!

[itssquidstella]

My mum had a brilliant game we played on long car journeys. She'd give everyone in the car a polo or a smartie, and whoever was able to keep it intact in their mouth the longest was the winner.

My brother and I absolutely loved it (we didn't get sweets often so it felt like a treat), and it meant we were quiet as nice thing to keep our sweets intact!

[areyoutheredenise]

Believe me when they get to teen years you won't get a word out of them! Just an odd grunt and a slammed door haha

[ChildminderMum]

I always have a 'quiet time' rule in the car!

[NoSauce]

Can you sit on the balcony —with a gin— and leave them with their iPads on their beds for a bit. I don’t blame you for feeling like this, it’s draining when there’s two of you let alone when you’re on your own.

[danmthatonestakentryanotheer]

I used to tell my DD that if she didn't "save " a few words, she'd have none left to use when she was a grown-up. It worked a treat....for a while anyway.

[Serin]

At the risk of sounding patronising, you deserve a medal. Mine drove me insane at times and I'm not even a single parent.