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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Insulting birthday card from husband AIBU?

102 replies

Amibeingsensitive · 25/08/2019 22:20

Birthday card on front says

Birthday girl
Become instantly younger with the Eternal Youth rejuvenating lifestyle!
The secrets in the formula...no diet...no exercise...just lie about your age!

I'm 31 and a size 12 with a mum tum after 2 kids. I don't diet or exercise I was a size 8-10 when I met him.

He's not one to give a jokey card it's usually just sweet cards. He said he didn't realise its offensive he just liked the design and didn't pick it for the words.

Am I being sensitive and unreasonable? Is he giving me a dig that I am getting old and need to lose weight or mybe he's just an idiot?

It's deffo knocked my confidence a bit I know it's only a birthday card but surely he's not that stupid and he'd know it'd offend me

OP posts:
Owlsintowels · 25/08/2019 23:46

What planet do you all live on? Or alternatively how low are your standards for your husbands?

The card has a fairly shit attempt at a joke on it, based on sexist stereotypes.

I can't think of a single thing about it which is acceptable from a husband. It's not kind, loving, or funny. A card should be at least one of these on your birthday.

It's like a Les Dawson comment, just tedious, outdated and yuck

Your husband was either weirdly unthoughtful, or plain mean. I assume from your post it's the former.

All PP who think this is fine and the poor man should be given a break are wrong, it is not fine. Not LTB territory on its own obv, but a minor pink flag to keep an eye on... Has he stopped making an effort to choose cards / present which show he loves you. If so, what is that symptomatic of?

Owlsintowels · 25/08/2019 23:48

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil given OP is baffled by the card I think we can safely assume they don't do similar to you, so perhaps your view that you'd be annoyed be a non offensive card is irrelevant here?

Wearywithteens · 25/08/2019 23:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

IncrediblySadToo · 26/08/2019 00:01

I don’t think he meant it the way you’re taking it! I really don’t think he was getting at your weight st all! (And I’m
Overweight & somewhat ‘aware’ of digs that are!)

I think it was just a crap joke about lying about your age now you’re over 30 (I’d LOVE to be 31 again!)

But it is a shit card from your DH on your birthday!

Hope you’ve otherwise had a nice birthday!🌷

TheInebriati · 26/08/2019 00:03

Yanbu and his excuse makes it worse.

EileenAlanna · 26/08/2019 00:09

You've maybe reached that point in your relationship where it's all become a bit comfortable & samey. Tell him you wanted him to swing from the light fitting with a rose between his teeth, box of chocs under his arm & something shiny in lycra girding his loins. But, meh, the card's okay.

Drabarni · 26/08/2019 00:12

I don't think you are overreacting tbh.
He should buy them for the words, and a well chosen verse is important, otherwise it's a waste of time and card.

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 00:13

@WorraLiberty I got him this. The year after he got me a condolences card.

Insulting birthday card from husband AIBU?
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/08/2019 00:18

@Owlsintowels context? That people have different senses of humour? Given that a lot of people share the same opinion, I'm unsure why you singled out my post.

OooErMissus · 26/08/2019 00:20

The card is saying you don't need to diet or exercise.

Isn't it?

Original poster
Amibeingsensitive · 26/08/2019 00:24

Does him also not getting me even a present from the pound shop add anything? I don't care about presents but he went to the shops today and said he had no idea what to get so didn't get me anything. Ok fine whatever but then I open the card and I yes I'm upset. Its usually a fluffy silly romantic card and some sort of gift. We don't do joke cards so when I opened it I didn't even think it was from him

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 00:29

OP, as I said I think you’re reading too much into the card itself, which as a PP have said is saying you don’t need to do anything, so isn’t a dig, but from you last post it’s that you feel like he hasn’t put the effort in and YANB for that.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/08/2019 00:30

Why would it offend you if you’re happy with your age and weight? It’s just a card.

The lack of gift wouldn’t bother me as wasteful to buy something for the sake of it and adult birthdays aren’t a big deal.

Original poster
Amibeingsensitive · 26/08/2019 00:30

I'm not like crying or anything just bit upset and thinking mybe the romance and being thoughtfully etc is totally dead. I used to get special lovely handmade romantic cards. Even a 50p card that was the usual flowers etc would of been fine. There's been zero thought this year apart from taking a dig at me through a stupid card

OP posts:
Original poster
Amibeingsensitive · 26/08/2019 00:31

He knows I'm not happy about my weight and he knows I don't really like the idea of getting older. Was only a few months back that he discovered I've got a few grey hairs

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 26/08/2019 00:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SuperSara · 26/08/2019 00:45

Drip...Drip...

OP, you need to get something in about 'triggering my anxiety' next.

YABU.

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 00:53

@Wearywithteens but my reading of it is that it isn’t cruel. It’s saying she doesn’t need to do anything other than lie about her age.

prh47bridge · 26/08/2019 00:57

Really? He sends you a card that says you can be younger by simply lying about your age, implying that you look younger than you are, and you think he's having a dig at you?

That card does not say you are old and need to lose weight. That is the exact opposite of what it says. It says you have no need to lose weight and that people would believe you if you claimed to be younger than you are.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 26/08/2019 00:58

I'm sorry op i was trying to be sensitive but no you are over reacting

31 is getting old? Jeez the majority of users here are older than that.

Him buying you a card has you thinking the romance is gone, wow. If thats your biggest probem in your marriage, then your really not having probems.

Ohhh a few gray hairs oh gosh.

By the way the thing fear about getting older is exactly why he brought tgis card hes telling you to stop worrying and just say your 21 again.

1forAll74 · 26/08/2019 01:04

over reacting and rather snowflakey. at least you got a card.

SadOtter · 26/08/2019 01:38

You have gone up 1 maybe 2 sizes having had 2 kids, without dieting or exercising! Stop being so harsh on yourself and stop being sensitive!

I'm 31 with 2 kids too, half my friends are still out clubbing and acting like kids, we really aren't old and size 12 really isn't fat, it was just a badly judged card.

PhilCornwall1 · 26/08/2019 02:46

Get over it, it's just a birthday card. It'll be in the recycling next week!

OneStar8383 · 26/08/2019 03:46

I understand why it has made you feel like that. When you have children you never foresee how (for the majority of us) you lose the once beautiful body that put the spring in your step...

Afterwards you do feel low knowing it’s not like it used to be.... knowingly or unknowingly comes the day when ur husband without malice, says/does something which shatters you completely because it screams a reality you already struggle to live with ie your body is not the body you had...

I know as I had similar experiences, it’s a hard to explain one - but now just down to u to I guess understand it’s a vulnerability you have... if your husband is a genuinely lovely guy, he will understand where you’re coming from... but most men won’t (doesn’t mean he doesn’t care tho)

Big hugs to you xxxx

CoffeeRunner · 26/08/2019 03:58

See, the card wouldn’t bother me. Even if I didn’t find it funny, I would appreciate the fact that he probably had.

But going to the shops on my birthday & buying me nothing? That would annoy me more. I’m not a princess. I don’t expect gold or diamonds. But a bunch of flowers or some other affordable gesture would be nice.