Deal breaker in new job?

[Scubajumper]

There is no right or wrong person in this scenario.

I took on a new position recently in a small business. I sat down with one of the 2 owners Mr A and had a long chat, we really clicked professionally. However I report to and work on a daily basis with the other owner Mr B.

Mr B is a great business man and has many skills that I could learn - great negotiator, very intelligent, great multitasker etc. We just never sat down to talk before I took on the job - totally my fault, I should have insisted. He is a busy man.

I come from another industry where we put a lot of focus on human relations. E.g. pick up the phone when you are thinking of sending an email, help those around you grow professionally, blame the system not the person etc.

Mr B is busy. He prefers all communication to be done via email. He does not care about small talk or being friendly. He’s made it really clear that he’s here for the job, it’s all business when it comes to me. There are staff members that he is “friendly” with but he has known them for longer I guess.

I’m struggling with the work environment. I know it will sound silly... but the emails can sound quite harsh. There are no good mornings or thank yous. It’s literally “do it”, “why did you do this?” or “why did you not do this?” Lots of one liner emails...

Mr B was actually nice and smiling when I came at the interview. It’s all gone downhill since then... I have never received anything positive even though I know I have achieved a lot more than my predecessor.

Part of me feels that it’s a good learning opportunity but i don’t feel happy... I’m on my own in my department. So if I don’t report verbally or discuss things, I will spend my whole 9 to 5 not talking to a single soul.

Am I asking for too much?

Mr B is probably a really nice man underneath. But I don't think I could handle the bluntness - he wouldn't be being emotional, but I think I would react emotionally.

Work troubles are 99.9 per cent other people, not the job, so this is a big deal. So someone being nice underneath wouldn't cut it for me, esp as my lone contact.

@supersimkin I have no reason to doubt that Mr B is a nice man. In fact, a staff member told me that when she had a serious illness, he was supportive - along the lines take the time off that you need and you’ll still have a job with us kind of thing.

I can’t handle the bluntness quite frankly. It does not sound like a big deal. But imagine having it 9 to 5...

Should I explain my reason or just hand in my resignation?

I'm like Mr. B... my line manager is like OP. I try to roll with it (though all the "Hope you had a nice weekend" feels like a waste of time for me to read). Even more boring to converse about. I have done my best to convince LM that I have the most boring life possible & never worth asking about.

If you want a good reference I think you should talk to them about why it feels too brusque, but probably Mr. B can never understand you & you never understand him. Always nicer to leave on amicable terms if you can, though.

One of the worst jobs I had was working for a small company, reporting into the three directors. Very serious atmosphere, directors were more like dictators.

As it was their business and money, they micromanaged ridiculously. To the point that I had to print off minutes from client meetings that I'd written and put it on the MD's desk for him to go through with a red pen! It was a PR agency, I was employed to write press releases and articles day in, day out. If my work is good enough to past muster for magazines, newspapers and websites then I think my writing is certainly good enough for meeting minutes!!

I got bollocked for being two minutes late back from lunch (we worked by the crematorium and I was caught in a cortège!), despite the fact I was working until 9pm the week before as they had a urgent deadline.

I also once got a bollocking for eating my lunch after my lunch break. I was out running errands at lunch and had no time to eat, so ate while working when I got back.

The bollockings were endless and the MD a control freak. So glad I left there.

I'd tell you to do the same OP.

@yeoldetrout It’s just a personality clash... and to be honest I now feel totally stupid for not sitting down with Mr B and having a chat with him before I took on the job. It’s a waste of both our times!

I know I have to speak to Mr B about it... I just wish he would actually talk to me so that I could explain things. It’s so awkward to have to write this via email... “I’m sorry that this email thing is really not working out for me”

You're taking his communication style personally when it's not. When it comes to actually interacting, he seems to be nice and supportive. I would much rather work for someone task focused rather than someone who wants small talk and to have their arse kissed all day, honestly. You haven't been there long, perhaps you should give it more time and look for interaction with other colleagues.

B. may have a huge pile of personal problems & can only focus at work by keeping it only about work. You can't know what he needs to be good at his job or why.

I would insist (via email) on a face to face chat so I could explain very specifically what you'd like him to do different. I don't think you'll get 'Good morning' but you could get specific feedback about how well you've done your job in each email reply; he could tell you if he's satisfied or not each time. Like you said, presumably you're mostly doing fine but the lack of personal touch is making you feel like you shouldn't bother or he doesn't care.

Recruitment is expensive so there is real chance he will try to soften his style to keep you if you are as competent as you suspect.

There is a happy medium between flowery comms and his brusque manner.

I’m probably somewhere in between, I love email but recognise people need more face to face now and again. My assistant and I ‘get’ each other so it’s ok, but politeness is key and non-negotiable as far as I’m concerned.

‘Why did you not do x?’ Is rude.

‘Hi Jane,

Can I ask why you decided not to do x as I thought we’d agreed that course of action?

Thanks,

Bob’

Is fine and not flowery. You can even set up your signature so you always start messages ‘dear’ to save time.

I’d move on and I’d be honest about why.

If you know it's not personal can you learn to adjust?

My new boss is all about the one liners and said my reports and work was too long. I have adapted to his style more but revert to mine when I believe necessary (and I explain)

I have worked with 100s of people... literally. I worked as an external consultant so I’ve pretty much worked with every personality. I’ve been trained to identify personality types and to work accordingly.

Textbook-wise I understand Mr B. I’ve worked with personality like his who have adapted to working in a team environment. He’s just an extreme version of what I have ever dealt with.

The question is not whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy. I would always give anyone the benefit of the doubt. He’s good at heart.

The question is whether I can work with him. Right now... it is making me sad and a little miserable. Maybe I can give it longer and see if he adapts or I do.

I’ve always been liked at work. I’m a hard worker, I make my managers’ lives easier. Everyone I’ve worked for has liked me and I’m still in touch and meet up with previous colleagues and managers.

I'd love to work with mr B. No faff, clear, unambiguous, just getting shit done and not overthinking it.

I'm a bit of a B.

I'll be busy sending emails and forget to do the small talk bit. It doesn't mean I dont like or value the recipient, I'm just focused on the task.

Your situation would only bother me if I got no positive feedback or appreciation in the role.

I'd not leave the job, over time you'll probably get used to his style, but I wouldn't bank on him changing.

Mr B sounds like my dream boss. I hate people who pick up the phone when an email will do. I don’t want to make small talk. I want to come to work and get the work done. I do believe in mentoring, but don’t think that requires a touchy-feely approach.

Having worked for a Mr B in the past for 14 very long years, it used to bug me that he'd cut me short when it came to me explaining something or his abrupt approach on asking me to carry out a task.

I was sent off on some weird company course where after being given various clues, were able to work out which type of boss you had. My boss was Mr Bullet Point.

It was a lightbulb moment. Once I discovered this, I stopped the faff and just kept my emails (and face to face conversations) with him short, sweet and to the point. After that we got on brilliantly.

Your boss B won't change so it's either up to you to adapt or to leave, but I'd go with adapt. At least for now.

Thank you all for your input. My judgment may be clouded by the “corporate training” I’ve had.

I think I will push for the feedback on my work and try to deal with the bluntness separately.

You could also think of it as sort of a reverse. The work world caters to extroverts who believe work is a place to get social interaction. Many of us are actually tormented by that kind of work environment. In a way, you are experiencing what some of us experience in most jobs.

You already know in your gut that you aren’t going to be happy and need to get out. He lacks the requisite interpersonal skills to make you enjoy working for / with him. If that’s the culture that’s he’s established - curt emails, no thanks, lack of appreciation, solitude - then it sounds like it will be awful.

I’ve been in your situation and I did leave and I also told them why. I think people need to hear what they could be doing better when it impacts others - and why should it always be managers telling their subordinates where they fall short?

@Purpleartichoke I never thought of it this way sorry.

@TanyaChix I hear you.

Mr A is the other owner and not involved with the day to day running of the business. During our one to one as part of the interview stage, he said to me that he could not mess up this recruitment. (Details not relevant to this post) And I convinced Mr A that I was suitable and that I would work through any possible issue.

If I was crap at my job, I have no doubt that 100% they would not keep me and rightly so. The way I see it is that Mr B is not doing a great job as my line manager. This sounds harsh but that’s the truth isn’t it?

Yes - that’s exactly it. You’re doing your job well but he’s not managing you with any skill. It’s what made me think of the need for some ‘upward’ feedback rather than thinking about the fact that he doesn’t give you feedback on your performance. You’ve come to the role with a wealth of knowledge about human relationships which means you are seeing the shortcomings very clearly. Your focus - because you are sensitive to others - is to see if you can adapt to each other or if you can endure this situation and tolerate his poor management skills. Really, you’d probably be happier finding a place of work where they share your approach to communication / feedback etc etc. As another poster said, some introverts may not care if they are pretty much ignored but I (INFP) can’t bear working with people who are abrupt or don’t recognise anything positive that I do.

It sounds really lonely

I know it will sound silly... but the emails can sound quite harsh. There are no good mornings or thank yous. It’s literally “do it”, “why did you do this?” or “why did you not do this?” Lots of one liner emails...

I can understand no niceties (working with many super busy people who get straight to the point), but things like "do it" and "why did you not do this" is accusatory both on email and face-to-face.

Maybe if you both were face-to-face he would say it with a ind smile and therefore, it is just that email lacks tone but I doubt it. He sounds like someone who will never be pleased with your work and subconsciously looking for holes in it.

This is a small business and he is one of the 2 owners. He is not going to want to hear it as criticism from you that his work style has got to change to keep you. I suspect he will find it easier to find a replacement than change his personality and for you to find another job.

Was there anyone doing your job before you and if so, how long did they last and why did they leave.

@TanyaChix it’s refreshing to read your view and you have it pretty spot on. I am an ENFJ and like you I am sensitive to abruptness.

He is not managing me and there has been a rare instance where he actually spoke with me face to face and lost his temper. He actually raised his voice and maybe didn’t think twice about it. I was genuinely shocked...

I'm an extrovert, (ENTP) but prefer the bullet point style. I view small talk in work emails as time wasting. This could be a T/F thing rather than an E/I thing.

Have you read "Surrounded by Idiots" by Thomas Erikson? It's a book about human behaviour and how to deal with different personality types especially in the work environment.
Sounds like Mr B is red.