Deal breaker in new job?

[Scubajumper]

There is no right or wrong person in this scenario.

I took on a new position recently in a small business. I sat down with one of the 2 owners Mr A and had a long chat, we really clicked professionally. However I report to and work on a daily basis with the other owner Mr B.

Mr B is a great business man and has many skills that I could learn - great negotiator, very intelligent, great multitasker etc. We just never sat down to talk before I took on the job - totally my fault, I should have insisted. He is a busy man.

I come from another industry where we put a lot of focus on human relations. E.g. pick up the phone when you are thinking of sending an email, help those around you grow professionally, blame the system not the person etc.

Mr B is busy. He prefers all communication to be done via email. He does not care about small talk or being friendly. He’s made it really clear that he’s here for the job, it’s all business when it comes to me. There are staff members that he is “friendly” with but he has known them for longer I guess.

I’m struggling with the work environment. I know it will sound silly... but the emails can sound quite harsh. There are no good mornings or thank yous. It’s literally “do it”, “why did you do this?” or “why did you not do this?” Lots of one liner emails...

Mr B was actually nice and smiling when I came at the interview. It’s all gone downhill since then... I have never received anything positive even though I know I have achieved a lot more than my predecessor.

Part of me feels that it’s a good learning opportunity but i don’t feel happy... I’m on my own in my department. So if I don’t report verbally or discuss things, I will spend my whole 9 to 5 not talking to a single soul.

Am I asking for too much?

Are you both in the office when these 1 liner email chains take place?

Sorry, I've just realised my post is a one-liner

Isn't what you're describing how texting convos work?
I agree phoning is more efficient, but it doesn't sound unbearable work conditions.

And you get the entire conversation in the email chain (I sometimes edit them down to simplify get rid of long signatures).

This approach, btw, may also be useful to him if he's managing multiple people and having lots of these little conversations - because then there's a record (easier than remembering).

To he blunt Scuba I don't think anything is going to change Mr B's communication style. This is how he works, and clearly it works for him. As one of the bosses he has no need to change unless you aren't doing your work or aren't doing it to an acceptable standard which is sounds like you are.

The mere fact that you don't gel with his communciation style is highly unlikely to make him change anything. I don't mean that in a horrible way, if this is making you uncomfortable and unhappy that's no less important but my point is, his position and the fact that this seems to be his personality means you probably need to change how you deal with this, because he won't change. Sounds like he is the same with everyone.

So you need to decide if you can work with his style and adapt to it so it doesn't bother you and if you can't, then time to leave I think. I say this with experience of working for a similar company with similar personalities and I struggled in the same way as you. Ultimately I left because I knew nothing I said or did would change them and I couldn't change myself.

He prefers all communication to be done via email. He does not care about small talk or being friendly. He’s made it really clear that he’s here for the job, it’s all business when it comes to me.

I would love to work with him. All the pointless small talk and pleasantries in email is annoying, as is being interrupted by a ringing phone instead of dealing with an email at a good moment.

As you said, nobody is right or wrong. People prefer different work environments. He's unlikely to change- and shouldn't have to - so you either learn to live with it or move on.

The (usually) great thing about emails is there's a paper trail which there isn't in conversations. Unless of course you doublecheck the convo with an email. He may be that sort of person.

I wouldn't hand your notice in before (a) talking to Mr B about it in measured tones (b) talking to Mr A who clearly has less to do with the day to day running of the business.

This doesn’t sound the right fit for you.

My manager is not a great communicator - it has put people’s backs up. It’s aggressive and accusatory yet when talking it’s completely different.

I’m polite but do use bullet points. She’s now following my style and I look over important emails they send and amend.

Perhaps if you stay longer they might bend to your style. If you think it won’t happen you’d be better off finding something else.

You sound so ☹️

It really doesn't matters whether other people "love Mr B's style" or would really like to work for someone like him, yada yada, that's not the point.

The OP doesn't, and having to work with someone who is diametrically opposed in their communication style, with no prospect of them changing any time soon, is a bitter pill to swallow, when everything else is going well, and they have to report directly to that person.

Thank you all. All the responses are really helpful. As @daisychain01 has put it, it does not really help if others love Mr B’s communication style. I find it difficult.

I would not say anything to Mr A. My line manager is Mr B and I will respect this no matter what.

There has been some development today. I said to Mr B on the phone “I understand that you prefer emails. And I am trying really hard to work with your preferred method of communication. Truth is I’m really struggling with this and I don’t feel I get anything done in time.” (I was a word away from breaking down into tears... so I ended it there.)

Mr B explained to me why he preferred emails and then acknowledged that due to the nature of my work, we need to talk things through and emails don’t really work.

I have to say I never expected the conversation to turn quite this way, this is a HUGE step for him. I am impressed and grateful.

I think it can work after all.

Pleased to hear it!
See! He wasn't such a stick-in-the-mud as some posters had portrayed!

I think you have three separate issues here -

(1) you like to talk face-to-face, Mr B prefers email. Neither is right or wrong, but if he is your line manager, you'll have to be guided by his preference

(2) you like a bit of friendly chitchat, so you find brief messages abrupt and unfriendly. Mr B prefers brief messages, presumably because he feels this is more efficient. Personally, I'm with Mr B on this, but that's neither here nor there. Again, if he is your line manager, you'll have to be guided by his preference

(3) you feel that he is criticising / challenging the quality of your work e.g. asking “why did you do this?” or “why did you not do this?” It may be that he is criticising you, or it may be that he is simply asking a direct question. I previously had a line manager who was a bit like this. I remember he once said to me "you've been working in this field for eight years, I thought you would have known the answer was X". I was quite taken aback, as I felt he was criticising my lack of knowledge. In fact, it was just a factual statement. He was genuinely surprised I didn't know something, and he was very generous with his time to help me get up to speed with it. So, this may just be a case of getting used to Mr B's management style. I wouldn't be too quick to write off this job

Something you might propose to him is that after you converse, you send him email summaries of whatever was decided. That way there is a record and if there was a misunderstanding, it can be caught quickly.

I've worked for a couple of extreme Mr Bs! I actually welcome it. My current boss never (or extremely rarely) says "hello" or "good morning". We just carry on where we were from the night before! I find it a relief - no mucking around with small talk they don't really mean. They don't actually give a shit if you had a nice weekend or not. I'd go with it for a bit and focus on efficient and productive working with no small talk. You said yourself you could learn from him so why not.

For me, small talk is not fake. I genuinely care about people. I remember small talk that I had with colleagues more than 10 years ago. I may be a minority.

@justmyview Yes and agreed to the 3 points. Mr B is very much like your old manager. He will state facts which can seem abrupt and not think twice about it because it is a fact.

@Purpleartichoke this is a good middle ground that I’m happy to do.