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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset w 18yo sister?

78 replies

Mirana · 25/08/2019 00:08

Hiya,

Up late fuming so thought I'd get some opinions 😂

I'm currently 18weeks pregnant. I cleared out my wardrobe a couple of weeks ago, and there were lots of party dresses and outfits I couldn't see myself wearing again. All the items were in the £40-£100 range. I have three younger sisters, 18, 16 and 14. They beg me for clothes, so when I clear out they have always had "first dibs" before I sell/charity shop clothing.

Anyway, as this stuff was all a bit more expensive, I took a black bag over to my parents house for said 18yo. I said she could pick what she wanted, but if there's anything she didn't want to please return it, as they have a reasonable value and I could sell on to buy some baby bits! My partner left me when I was 6 weeks so money is tight, and I explained it would help so to let me know. She agreed and was very excited at a big bag of new stuff!

I followed up a week later, and asked if there were any bits left over. She said no, because all the bits she didn't want she had passed to other sisters, which was great.

Anyway, I see on her Depop profile (selling app, bit like eBay) tonight that she is selling some of the clothes! One of the tops she wore once to dinner, and then put it up for sale the same evening, the rest is all unworn.

I'm really hormonal, so I feel awful, but I do feel quite used? And I'm disappointed as I feel like she's used the opportunity for personal gain instead of doing as I asked. The resale value of the stuff I gave her was probably £500-£600 which would have really helped in my situation. I really thought she would return the bits she didn't want instead of hiding it so she could sell them herself.

What would you do? Should I just avoid giving her anything in future? Am I being a megabitch? I really don't want a confrontation but I do feel sad about it :(

OP posts:
HoomanMoomin · 25/08/2019 03:04

You don’t sound megabitch, but you really should be. Just go get your clothes and rip her a new one. Also, every clothing item coming from you from now on bypasses her and goes to 16 year old sister.
She’s not cheeky, she’s a liar and thief.

Coconutbug · 25/08/2019 03:50

I would screenshot and send it to her like what's this! Or are you selling this for me?
I'm afraid the only way to resolve this is to speak to her and yes it may feel a bit confrontation but she's not done a great thing!!
Other thing is go to the house when she's not going to be there and just take it all back!

stanski · 25/08/2019 04:15

That's so bad of her. I would say what another poster said above. Thanks for selling them for me, here's my account number.

PhilCornwall1 · 25/08/2019 04:16

I'd certainly be taking it up with her, but I'd also be letting your mother know.

What she has done really isn't on at all. Perhaps say to her that by her taking the clothes and then deciding to sell them is depriving your baby of clothes that could have been bought by you had you sold the clothes yourself.

I'd also be making it very clear that she will not be getting anything from you again.

BellyButton85 · 25/08/2019 04:37

Wow! She is beyond selfish. She knows you'd have sold them yourself for even more than she is and would get you some baby stuff. Baby things are bloody expensive, you need all you can get.
Send her and your mother a screenshot. Ask her wtf she thinks she's doing.
DON'T say 'aw thanks for selling them for me' as pp have suggested...you know they are worth more so let her know what a cheeky twat she is and demand them back to sell them yourself at what they are worth. Don't allow her to keep a single thing for herself or otherwise! God I hate any sort of teenager, even the legal drinking age ones Angry

gingersausage · 25/08/2019 04:52

She’s abused your kindness, so I don’t know why you are so worried about upsetting her. She wasn’t very bothered about hurting you was she?!

You need to toughen up a bit, go over there, gather the stuff up and take it all back. It doesn’t need to cause drama, you’re just getting what’s yours. Then sell it yourself on eBay.

Those of you who “hate teenagers” and think that they are all selfish, talk about stereotyping. Put any other group of people in those sentences on here and you’d get jumped on. Rightly so imo.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2019 05:43

This is money for your future baby that your sister is stealing from you. She has also stolen from her younger sisters.

If you feel able, do get very selfish. Marching over there and demanding all the clothes back and putting on your best parent voice on is going to get the most money back for you. Tell you mother on arrival what you are going to do. If she’s not there, you could simply go through her room.

Even if the clothes are sold but not collected, they still are yours. You gave the bag to her to take any items she / her sisters wanted and return the rest. That in no way gave her the right to profit from them. Angry

WhoKnewBeefStew · 25/08/2019 06:15

You're not the one being a megabitch here OP, your sister is...

BeanBag7 · 25/08/2019 06:48

I would go round there and ask for all the clothes back. If she questions it, I would say she obviously changed her mind as and doesnt want them, or she wouldnt have put them to sell.

Pinkyyy · 25/08/2019 07:16

If you weren't struggling financially, I would say just don't give her anything ever again. But since you could use that money for your baby, I would tell her you want it all back. Do it over text of you don't feel comfortable, or ask your mother to step in.

She's not stealing from you, she's stealing from your baby.

Userzzzzz · 25/08/2019 07:22

Don’t be a doormat. To be honest you shouldn’t have prioritised your sisters over your finances when things are likely to be tight. People that don’t like confrontation are often taken advantage of. Tell your mum and get the stuff back that you can. Don’t just let her sell it. She’s after money for her holiday. You need that money for your child.

BarbariansMum · 25/08/2019 07:29

Go round there and get your stuff back. All of it. Its lovely that you once liked giving your sisters nice stuff, but your priority now is not them, it's your child. You want this baby and you need to provide for it, so dont sit around being passive whilst people steal from you/it.

Nautiloid · 25/08/2019 07:31

YANBU! I wouldn't give her anything else.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 25/08/2019 07:32

She is being a CF big time!

FireBloodAndIce · 25/08/2019 07:34

She's been very selfish. I wouldn't give her anything after this.

Screenshot the clothes, send them to her and your parents and state firmly that you are disapointed at her dishonesty and want your clothes returned so that you can sell them. That you made it clear if she and your sisters didn't want them you would sell them as you needed the money for the baby. Then finish with the fact you will not be giving her such nice things again as she's turned a nice thing into a sour one

FireBloodAndIce · 25/08/2019 07:37

And you need to get angry and assertive. You have no dp, you need money for your baby but decided to to a nice thing (and now you know unappreciated and with selfishness in return) and it backfired. Put your baby first. Your sister is an adult, she knows you wanted to sell and need money and happily took that from you and your baby yo be selfish.

Runbitchrun · 25/08/2019 07:41

I would phone her and launch into a big, emotional thank you for her selling the clothes on your behalf, how wonderful it is that she’s taken a job off your hands and how much you appreciate having such a thoughtful sister, hoe much the money will help with buying things for the baby, etc etc. Then just stay silent and see what she says. It would take a pretty cold hearted bitch not to cave at that point.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 25/08/2019 07:42

Screenshot the listings so she can't deny it, then point out you expect £500 for the clothes by the end of the week.

Butchyrestingface · 25/08/2019 07:44

I could have sold the stuff myself and given them nothing, but I love giving my sisters nice things. I don't want to seem like a stingy giver but it just wasn't really the deal?

I think YABU, but not for being upset at your sister. Whatever nice things you did for your sisters in the past vis-a-vis hand me downs needs to stop. Your circumstances have changed now. You need to prioritise your well-being and that of your baby’s over your sisters so if you needed the money, the clothes should have been sold and not offered to your sisters in the first instance.

YANBU to be annoyed and hurt with your sister and I would tell your parents what she’s done.

Tohaveandtohold · 25/08/2019 07:48

Don’t let her get away with this. She’s the cheeky one. Screenshot it and just message her to ask for to send you money she gets from selling those stuffs as you made it clear that’s what you wanted to do with them.

TidyDancer · 25/08/2019 07:59

You can do one of two things. Either go round and fetch your clothes back immediately or play dumb and contact her saying thank you so much for selling the clothes on your behalf. This is disgraceful behaviour from your sister and no way can she be mistaken about your intent here.

lljkk · 25/08/2019 08:04

I don't know why you're giving away valuable stuff when money is tight.
Presumably your DSis finds money is tight too, but obviously from your behaviour money is much less tight for you than it is for her.

Just demand the items back & don't offer her stuff like this again.
Doesn't have to be a drama.

Doormat247 · 25/08/2019 08:29

You need to get the stuff back quickly if she's trying to sell it off cheap. I'd message her telling her I was on my way round to collect it all as you know she's selling it on and that wasn't part of the deal as she well knew.
Don't give her anything again. It's incredibly rude and selfish of her to have seen you as a way of making money for her holiday. She's clearly not as nice/generous a person as you are.

keepingbees · 25/08/2019 08:31

I'd tell her you've seen it and you want your stuff back as you need the money. Explain you would've sold it yourself if you knew she didn't want it but you were trying to do a good deed.
You sound lovely by the way I wish I had a sister like you. My sister did the same thing with the baby clothes I gave her to help her out, some of which I would've kept as they had sentimental value but thought she would put them to better use. No she just stuck them all on eBay. I never gave to her again.

Sagradafamiliar · 25/08/2019 08:52

There's no need to put on OTT manipulative displays like some are suggesting, just cut to the chase and comment on one of the items or call her saying actually, you would like to sell the stuff, as explained, and make a mental note not to give her anything again.
Just a word of warning, expect to get half at most of what you're expecting, items still with tags on are still second hand and it's surprising how little you might profit from things like eBay. It all adds up though and should be in your pocket, as an expectant mum.