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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick my dp and his son up from town

59 replies

heartburn888 · 24/08/2019 17:37

I’m pregnant and I have sciatica and as of late I’m considering amputation of my leg for pain relief.

Dp and his son have gone to watch a footy match in the next town over and I have had his other son for the day which I didn’t mind at all. I’ve done the weekly shop, trawled to a farm shop at dp request so done lots of lifting, and picking my step son up and in and out of the car. Back is in bits.

Dp just text to say are you not picking us up from town? I said no I can’t my back is killing and I’m pretty tired. Didn’t go down too well - not an explosive argument but could tell he wasn’t happy.

The town centre is about 5 min drove from our house or should I say the train station - but I need to get petrol too and it would mean hobbling across the forecourt and back and it’s not like sitting down gives me any relief.

Aibu to not do it? I don’t think I am being unreasonable to be honest.

OP posts:
LadyB49 · 24/08/2019 17:41

I'd go do it then tell him the deal is he's in charge tomorrow, it's your well earned day off. No fuss, fair's fair :)

GoosetheCat · 24/08/2019 17:42

Surely if it's only a 5 minute drive he can get a taxi? I don't think you're being unreasonable, not after all you've done.

Nanny0gg · 24/08/2019 17:43

What's his other options? (not that I care really, YADNBU)

frazzledasarock · 24/08/2019 17:44

I had serious SPD when pregnant. I wouldn’t have done the shopping or anything that required standing or sitting for prolonged periods.

HeffaLump1 · 24/08/2019 17:44

YANBU. You have done more than enough today

Lipz · 24/08/2019 17:46

Oh I hate that pain. Was crippled on my last for 7 months. If it's so close a taxi ? Or drive over and let him drive back and get the petrol on the way home. Although if me I'd suggest a taxi.

nowayhose · 24/08/2019 17:47

If you had not discussed picking them up before they went out then YANBU. You did not plan to and have spent the day being busy and not having any time to yourself.

If the plan was always to pick them up and you've planned your day badly by doing too much, then YABU as it's not your DP's fault you did too much.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2019 17:47

Did he ask you before they went out or did he assume you’d do it? How did they get there? Sciatica is fucking grim, big sympathy, and I think the words he’s looking for are thanks for having his other son all day and what can he bring you home to show his appreciation...

Hey acquainted with shopping online, it’s a life saver when you have a baby.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 24/08/2019 17:48

YANBU- he can get a taxi

Lindy2 · 24/08/2019 17:48

How did they get into town?
Surely a 5 minute drive is quite walkable.

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2019 17:48

A 5 minute drive isn't a long walk at all.

YANBU

Original poster
heartburn888 · 24/08/2019 17:49

He doesn’t drive which is a pain in the bum so I’m the sole driver lol

Nothing was pre agreee I was actually meant to take dss to the fair today but I just couldn’t manage it so opted for a visit to my sisters and borrowed her paddling pool and we’ve had a play in the garden at home. And I’ve tidied it all away bar deflating the pool.

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 24/08/2019 17:50

5 minute drive is, what, a 20-25 minute walk? Why can't he walk or get a taxi?

I would be most annoyed by "are you not picking us up?" Rather than "would you be able to pick us up please?"

Original poster
heartburn888 · 24/08/2019 17:53

think the words he’s looking for are thanks for having his other son all day and what can he bring you home to show his appreciation...

@AnneLovesGilbert brilliant. Didn’t even think hahaha

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 24/08/2019 17:56

Depends on a lot of things, so can’t say.

But sorry to hear you’re in so much pain. That’s rubbish when you’re pregnant & struggle to enjoy it!

regmover · 24/08/2019 17:58

5 minutes drive... have they lost the use of their legs?

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2019 18:09

I don’t like his tone OP and you shouldn’t either.

I’m a SM, have a small baby now. Also recently got my license! Hate hate hate driving but having a baby made it essential so I sucked it up and got on with it. Is he planning to start driving?

It’s great you enjoy spending time with your DSS but if you weren’t around or were too poorly to have him your DH would have to manage them both and now is the time to make sure your boundaries are healthy and clear. You don’t want to be juggling a newborn and recovering from birth with a demanding DH who takes no consideration for yours and your baby’s needs because he’s off playing dad of the year with one of kids and expecting you to facilitate it.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 24/08/2019 18:14

Out of interest, why doesn't he drive? It would make a difference to me if he wouldn't or had lost his licence rather than not being able to medically.
But either way, I think you need to make him walk or get a taxi. In my worst pregnancy I had both SPD/PGP and sciatica and it was bloody agony, so you have my sympathy!

Monestasi · 24/08/2019 18:16

Divorced men with young children should come with a warning.

'Apply, but be prepared to do a lot of thankless work.'

Experience and extensive observation has shown me exactly why men with young children quickly get into another serious relationship.

Free childcare and general offloading.

Sorry you are in pain OP.

DelphiniumBlue · 24/08/2019 18:26

Gosh, he's a cheeky fucker!
Make sure you're in bed when he gets back. He'll have you cooking the dinner and clearing up after if you look fit enough to stand.
Don't even entertain it. And if he hasn't got you choccies/ flowers/takeaway, then make sure you're not available to look after his kids next contact weekend.

Original poster
heartburn888 · 24/08/2019 18:56

He doesn’t drove because he ‘has never got round to doing it’ hmmm or just fallen lucky with partners who already drive! He’s going to start learning in September which is the earliest date due to the driving instructors availability so his target is it pass before the baby is here because I don’t really fancy getting a taxi down to the hospital and back home!

He came through the door and said ‘you look wide awake’ 🙄I have already made the dinner and it’s been eaten and now plates to tidy away but guess who’s getting in the bath in about 10 mins? Me! Going to use the new shampoo I treated myself To from the wholesalers without dp knowledge whilst I was out and out doing the shopping🤭

I understand what you are saying about the boundaries, think I will have a sit down talk with him about it thanks for the advice on that part, I didn’t even think about boundaries - probably because I’m so use to getting things done and ticked off myself

OP posts:
LemonPrism · 24/08/2019 20:05

Can't stand men who can't drive (through choice)

crustycrab · 24/08/2019 20:08

Why do you need to tell him if you want to buy shampoo? Confused

Original poster
heartburn888 · 24/08/2019 20:48

Because it was expensive and he wouldn’t approve

OP posts:
Ohflippineck · 24/08/2019 20:49

Lazy sods. 5 min drive? Walk!