To not pick my dp and his son up from town

[heartburn888]

I’m pregnant and I have sciatica and as of late I’m considering amputation of my leg for pain relief.

Dp and his son have gone to watch a footy match in the next town over and I have had his other son for the day which I didn’t mind at all. I’ve done the weekly shop, trawled to a farm shop at dp request so done lots of lifting, and picking my step son up and in and out of the car. Back is in bits.

Dp just text to say are you not picking us up from town? I said no I can’t my back is killing and I’m pretty tired. Didn’t go down too well - not an explosive argument but could tell he wasn’t happy.

The town centre is about 5 min drove from our house or should I say the train station - but I need to get petrol too and it would mean hobbling across the forecourt and back and it’s not like sitting down gives me any relief.

Aibu to not do it? I don’t think I am being unreasonable to be honest.

Were the football tickets not expensive then?

The tickets weren’t actually lol. He paid £2 a ticket!

He is insured on the car as a learner so some ‘lessons’ with me. For the choice of instructor he is really good and has a great pass rate

OP, you buy whatever shampoo you want, it’s your hair.

Btw ranatidine is what you want for heartburn, game changer

I treated myself To from the wholesalers without dp knowledge whilst I was out and out doing the shopping🤭

This is worrying. You need permission to buy the shampoo you like?

Thank you! Gaviscon isn’t cutting it anymore! Life saver!

Oh OP the more you type the sadder the situation appears.

How long have you been together?

Because it was expensive and he wouldn’t approve

And??

I don’t need permission, I can buy what I want but dp would moan at the price. And I could do without being moaned at at the minute

Seriously!?

Unless you are on the poverty line, and both budgeting, the shampoo should not be an issue.

It’s a treat for myself that I took the opportunity to purchase without my partner complaining at the price whilst he was out at football. I don’t see how it’s worrying or how it’s a sad situation? My partner likes to penny pinch hence the £2 footy tickets he bought.

He likes to penny pinch - that is his business. He does not need to extend it to you.

Get a prescription from your doctor. I had horrendous heartburn when I was pregnant. Got so bad drinking water burnt my throat. Prescription stuff is 3 times stronger than what you can get otc and it’s perfectly safe for you and your baby. Don’t suffer OP!

Enjoy your bath and your nice new products. Now is the time to take extra care of yourself. It takes practise if you’re not used to it but stick with it. And remember it’s okay to say no to stuff and put your feet up. As an established step mum you’re probably good at putting everyone else first and now isn’t the time. You’ll need to focus on your baby when he/she is here and your partner will have to step up with his two while you all acclimatise so start now and only have one of them by yourself all day if you want to, not because he assumes you will.

Start refusing a lot more things like this. Lay down some boundaries until it sinks in with him.

"No, I'm not able to do that today because I'm already done too much. I'm pregnant and in pain and I need to rest now. Please can you stop at the shop on the way home and get me X Y and Z"?

He needs to understand how taking care of his pregnant partner works. It definitely doesn't involve demanding lifts and being stroppy. That's your job lol.

If he was spending money on something that I thought was excessive - £20 face cream for instance, I would say it’s expensive, does he really need it? Is there a cheaper option? I wouldn’t ask him not to purchase it just like he wouldn’t ask me not to purchase it but would ask the same questions as what I would.

Stemming away from my aibu this is a whole new thread ‘aibu to not tell my partner I’ve spent £20 on shampoo and conditioner‘

Thanks Anne! I will certainly look into it! I’ve tried a few brands gaviscon, supermarket own and I just find myself taking big glugs of it throughout the day. I read on the back drinking too much can make you quite gassy lol I’m avoiding foods that trigger to help myself out a bit!

Yes I agree toneitdown, I did think today after catching sight of myself in the mirror that I am getting quite big now and maybe I need to take it a easier. I’m so use to getting it all done , I’m a bit of a control freak at Times - not to say my partner isn’t lazy because he can be but also has his productive days whilst I’m being lazy! Before I met him I looked after myself and didn’t rely on anyone for help (except my dad if I really needed it) but I like to take pride in being able
To look after my family and be hands on with the kids and now I have my own on the way I guess I’m trying to keep myself busy up until his arrival. But I agree I need to Make the boundaries clearer

People are gobsmacked because you are growing his child and, amongst other things, he gets power of veto over what shampoo you buy FFS!

Not sure why everyone is saying your partner is stopping you from buying shampoo...

I get it. My dh has heart failure when I ask him to pick up my beauty products and questions what I am buying....especially when he found out how much my hair cuts cost.

Take it easy OP. Being pregnant in this heat is not fun.

What @AnneLovesGilbert said.

Take care of yourself.

Set boundaries for how much you will look after his existing dc - you are growing his next dc.

Do internet shopping too - no brainer.

Also, educate him in how tired you are feeling. He should be more loving and sympathetic. Why did his first marriage end?!

I'd go do it then tell him the deal is he's in charge tomorrow

Have you ever had sciatica?

I got hit with it recently and had to dig out a walking stick, to take the bairn out as I had promised. I was nearly in tears. It ended up I couldn't face trying to drive so husband had to step in and help me.

I'm glad you didnt cave OP.

He doesn’t tell me that I can’t have it! I usually buy a cheaper supermarket stocked brand I like! I’ve treated myself To some professional shampoo and conditioner from the wholesalers rather than the supermarket stocked brand on this occasion because I really couldn’t justify spending £20 on shampoo every time it needed replacing!

As for shampoo and conditioner, my husband makes a face because its 8 quid each. Why I can't just rub a bar of soap on my head is beyond him. most men don't understand the luxury I think

I don't think the shampoo thing is that big a deal! A lot of men just wouldn't get spending 20 quid on shampoo and conditioner.

His tone in general sounds pretty ungrateful though. You "look wide awake"? How does that have any bearing on your back? He could definitely do with a bit of a wake up call as to what it takes to grow a human!

Jesus wept. I’m glad you get it @Intheupsidedown 😂 yes he is the same with beauty products so I just pick them up when I’m in town. I’m a hairdresser myself so I can do my own colouring so only ever really need to pay for a cut!

My dp was never married, his relationship with his ex ended on mutual terms - never really got bogged down with asking who said what and when and where, seemed that they had drifted apart over the years and wanted different things. Of course I did ask some questions to rule out any DV or similar but it’s not my business and I’m not really bothered what happened between them.

I usually do my shopping at Aldi I don’t think they do a delivery service unless someone can tell me otherwise?