Back handed compliment

[BluebellsareBlue55]

My DD age 12 just said to me in M&S, "a woman was staring at you as you're so fat but don't worry I stared back at them for you. You're not the biggest person in here either, so who cares".

Gee, thanks! I think?

Anyone else get backhanded support or compliments.

How does it make you feel to hear your DD call you fat?

You're worried about a backhanded compliment rather than your dd sounding absolutely rude and nasty to you.

Your daughter needs a stern talking to about people's feelings

I'm a size 24. Size doesn't bother me at all and she knows that. Think she thought she was being supportive but it came out wrong.

Oooh calm folks. She didn't mean it nasty. I'm not sensitive about my size. Quite happy.

Is yourDD embarrassed by your weight?

Don't think so. Never been an issue. Should she be?

Jesus I thought DD was going to be 5, not 12! She sounds really immature and rude.

It doesn't matter whether it 'bothers' you, if she talks like this to you she clearly thinks it's ok and will do it to others. She's really rude.

My son tells me I have a “big, fat tummy” fairly regularly. I don’t. He also loudly blames his farts on me. He’s 2 though...

That wasn't a back-handed compliment from your DD, it was plain rude.

To be fair, my husband does that too.

It wasn't a compliment. It wasn't a backhanded compliment. It may have been supportive in a backhanded way.
Size 24 is quite large unless you are 10ft tall.

If you are describing someone who is fat, why is it rude to say so?

Why is it ok to use euphemistic terms but not the basic descriptor?
Larger lady
Plus size
Bigger
Etc. All just stupid coy words for fat.

I'm fat. So I say I'm fat. Why are ripples telling me I'm rude for deceiving myself as I am?

Think she thought she was being supportive but it came out wrong.

That’s the way I read it. It’s nice she gave the people a death stare on your behalf.

Odd thing for a 12-year-old to say, to be honest. For a start, how did she know why the person was staring at you?

By the sounds of it she’s using fat in the same way you might say tall or short, not to insult or fat shame her mother.

I think that’s both sweet and funny. Dp’s dd, after knowing me all her life reassured me when she was about 7/8 that although I was old, and a bit weird, I could still find someone less ugly than her dad, and not to worry because she’d still come and see me.

If you are describing someone who is fat, why is it rude to say so?

I don't think it's the word 'fat' most people are taking issue with, it's the fact that a 12 year old took it upon herself to tell her oblivious mother that she was being stared at in a shop because of her appearance.

By the sounds of it she’s using fat in the same way you might say tall or short, not to insult or fat shame her mother

No twelve year old has not picked up the fact that 'fat' has incredibly negative connotation in our society.

I teach 18th and 19thc literature, and every year my students are taken aback at the way in which the young Dorothy Wordsworth and her best friend excitedly ask one another in adolescent letters 'Do you get fat?'

Well because it's ok with you it still doesnt mean that it's not rude or nasty. Would she speak to someone else this way? No. Because she knows it would not be ok. So just as long as she is only horrible to you?

@NiceWork - would you explain more about how 'fat' was used in Dorothy Wordsworth's time please?

Good grief I pity the peers who let lumped with your DD over the next few years

Aah I actually like the sound of your daughter. She had your back. Just poor phrasing let her down!

Of course the OP's dd wasn't being rude. It's not rude to use the word 'fat' in a sentence if it's relevant.

God people are offended by anything and everything these days.

I've read the letters NiceWork mentions, @milksoffagain, though I'm not an expert on the period, and it genuinely just sounds neutral, as if they're asking one another how tall they've got since they last saw one another. I think they were in their teens they'd been childhood best friends, but not seen one another in a while so maybe with a slight sense of 'Are you developing yet?'

Thank you @GloriousMystery