Back handed compliment

[BluebellsareBlue55]

My DD age 12 just said to me in M&S, "a woman was staring at you as you're so fat but don't worry I stared back at them for you. You're not the biggest person in here either, so who cares".

Gee, thanks! I think?

Anyone else get backhanded support or compliments.

To answer your question @BluebellsareBlue55 my husband will sometimes ruin a compliment by adding ‘to me’ as in ‘you look beautiful’ tiny pause ‘to me’!

Thanks (I think). 😂

I don't know why posters are being so nasty about your DD OP. The pair of you are obviously close and she is just being honest and feels able to be so because your weight doesn't worry you. I think what she said was funny and cute too

I'm a size 24 and think this sounds like my DD

It doesn't sound like your daughter meant it unkindly to me. It sounds like she was being protective of her Mum.

sounds like your DD does care about it even if you don't.

And I think you do otherwise you wouldn't be on here to talk about it.

Are you baiting the fat shamers?

Troll

I think your daughter was trying to show some solidarity, not being mean at all. When we were on holiday this summer, I was self conscious about going to a waterpark with my family (not young, not slim!) - my ds14 told me not to be daft, it would be fine. When we got there and had settled in, he said "See mum, there are loads of people here that are older and fatter than you. Told you that you were fine!" I know he meant it supportively

I like your daughter’s style.

My 4-year old was having a nice cuddle with me in bed the other day. And she said, whilst caressing me lovingly, “I love mummy’s tummy because it’s the biggest”

Made me LOL and I didn’t mind at all

The OP doesn’t have a problem with her size, her DD knows that, it doesn’t mean other people aren’t rude though and some of them will stare. The DD was just sticking up for her mum, she doesn’t deserve some of the comments imo.

Not wanting an argument but want to ask this, why has it become the thing to bend over backwards and avoid saying someone is obese but people have no qualms shredding a woman who is ‘too thin’?
And yes kids do get embarrassed and other kids can be cruel about their parents.

I don't think the OP's child was being mean or rude either.

Political correctness has gone haywire !!

If someone is fat, they're fat. If someone is tall, they're tall. If someone is so easily offended by a CHILD expressing herself to her own mother, (who was not offended !) then there really is no hope for humanity. :(

I would never knowingly offend anyone, (and would apologise sincerely if I inadvertently did) but I refuse to constantly walk on eggshells either ! Especially with my own family !

The degree to which people can be offended over the smallest of details is ludicrous ! The 'acceptable' terminology changes frequently too, so depending on how old you are you might not have a clue what is classed as 'acceptable' today/ tomorrow/ in 5 years.

I don't see how posters can be so opinionated and outraged if the child's mother wasn't ! The family dynamic is individual, and I'm damn sure I'd say things to my family that I wouldn't to friends ! We all do !

The OP's TONE was lighthearted, shame the other posters couldn't be :(

BluebellsareBlue
Oooh calm folks. She didn't mean it nasty. I'm not sensitive about my size. Quite happy.
---
You're not sensitive and quite happy about being size 24? Seriously?

@BluebellsareBlue55

"To be fair, my husband does that too".

What do you mean? Your husband also calls you fat in front of your daughter. Is that in an affectionate or jokey way or is he just being rude or insulting? Not sure why a partner would feel the need to put 'fat' into a descriptive sentence about his partner. At least you know why your daughter reacted the way she did.

@ MoaningMinnie1...............Now you ARE being offensive !

Why would you think that's an OK thing to say ?

If @ BluebellsareBlue says she is happy, she's happy ! Not everyone is as shallow as you MoaningMinnie1 !

"You're not sensitive and quite happy about being size 24? Seriously?"

Yes, that's what the OP just said. Do you have problems with basic comprehension?

To keep the thread on the topic of back handed compliments, a child I taught told me “You smell like my nana!”
There are so many ways that could have been a bad thing.

How did your kid know why the woman was staring? I don't buy this.

She probably hears you call yourself fat so didnt mean anything by it.

@BluebellsareBlue55

Your DD AND your DH are rude and thoughtless, and you are enabling them by making out you don't care. Body shaming is rude and nasty. Plain and simple.

That aside, what a very odd thread.

@nowayhose

Get off your high horse. People are entitled to their views, and to think the OP's DD and DH are rude, without you wagging your finger and telling people how they should think and what they should say. Just jog on with your dictating to people.

IF the woman was staring at you, your dd had no idea why, SHE has decided all by herself it is because of your weight, then was confrontational by staring an adult out. Then called you fat.

What a little darling you have there.

Well this thread has gone well for the OP ( I'm being sarcastic of course)
she was asking about back handed compliments they have been given but ever ploughs in about a rude kid and a fat women!!

I think my backhanded compliment was from a friend of my mums who I hadn't seen in years. I must have been taking care of myself as she said ' oh, you don't look as old as you used to!'

@ user1493759849

''Get off your high horse. People are entitled to their views, and to think the OP's DD and DH are rude, without you wagging your finger and telling people how they should think and what they should say. Just jog on with your dictating to people.''

I'm sure this must have sounded good in your head, but I'm afraid it's pretty funny, FOFL :)

It's OK for every poster, except me, to have and voice an opinion ????:)

There are no words for this level of lunacy :)

Bluebells Not really a back handed compliment as such, but one night my DP had spoiled me for no real reason, very romantic. I said "What did I do to deserve you?" I meant it positively, as in I don't deserve someone so lovely, but it came out in the tone of "What the fuck did I do wrong to deserve being lumbered with someone like you?" It sounded so aggressive, I've no idea why the hell it came out like that

IF the woman was staring at you, your dd had no idea why, SHE has decided all by herself it is because of your weight, then was confrontational by staring an adult out. Then called you fat

Yes, that was my thought. Maybe the woman looked her clothes, or her hair, or her face, buy DD assumed her mum was being stared at because of her weight rather than any other feature. Isn’t that a problem?

I’ve quite overweight, I guarantee if someone was staring at me, DD wouldn’t assume it’s because of my weight.