Is my dh a skinflint or aibu ? ( lighthearted)

[username678889]

Off out to a bbq later , told just to bring whatever alcohol consuming, food will be provided.
Dh drives me mad as only ever wants to bring a couple of beers , and will probably end up drink 3 times what he brings as it will go on to the evening. I said you should bring enough to drink I said it's unreasonable to bring a couple of beers and drink the hosts . My dh thinks differently and said host should provide who's right ?
Dh has got all arsey with me now for calling him stingy.
For what it's worth dh would be annoyed if someone arrived to our bbq with no or hardly any drink and proceed to spend the evening drinking our alcohol. I'd hate to think that others would call us skinflints.

Actually it is considered rude to bring alcohol to drink at a hosts dinner party. Unless they've asked you to it assumes your hosts can't afford to host their own party properly.

This reads as though you are more intent on broadcasting your worldview, rather than answering the OP.

No, OP. Your 'DH' doesn't think that 'the host should provide' because you said:

"... dh would be annoyed if someone arrived to our bbq with no or hardly any drink and proceed to spend the evening drinking our alcohol."

The door swings both ways and both of the above can't be true. Who are these twattish men who overrule their wives all the time? And why do these wives/partners allow that?

We have a male friend like this - every party or BBQ he turns up with a couple of cans of beers then proceeds to drink us dry. As hosts we obviously provide the bulk of drink, but to persistently turn up with very little makes us think he's beyond stingy and we aren't the only friends in our group who see him like that. If it wasn't for his lovely wife, he'd be left off the guest list. Tell your DH your friends are probably saying the same behind his back too.

The thing is if we host I do the shopping and get plenty in of course , but family and friends v generous and bring plenty . I've had a rare occasion when a cf has turned up with no booze never got a invite again .
I'd just cringe that others would think we are cf 's .
My dh wouldn't care though, I'm not arguing with him I'll just take extra in a bag with my drinks .

Tight arse.
You are totally right.Does he squeak when he walks ?.

He is being very unreasonable and if he would be annoyed if guests did this to him then he knows fine well he's being stingy and rude

I like to bring 2 or 3 more than the maximum I will need.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe your quite right I don't think he understands the double standards. He didn't answer me when I said that to him though .

I'd just cringe that others would think we are cf 's . My dh wouldn't care though

That’s very sad tbh. He literally doesn’t care about your feelings, only his own.

I can only see this getting worse as you get older. You’ll be one of those couple wonder how you got together as he becomes increasingly cantankerous and you become his apologist.

Well, he's not the boss of you, username, stop deferring to what he thinks. If his proposed actions are going to embarrass you then rescind the invitation/decline to attend with him - every.single.time.

It's such an unattractive trait and it's not recoverable, or wouldn't be for me. My friends would pity me and wonder at my self-esteem to be with somebody so crass.

It's not my world view thanks. Just trying to point out that's it not always considered rude/tight - In fact quite the opposite.

We always do what we are drinking and extra for the hosts? Like I've I'm taking a bottle of wine I want to drink I would bring an additional bottle for the hosts?

He is BVU. I would always take a bottle for the host anyway but as they are specific asking you to bring your own drink then he should definately take more than you plan on drinking. Rude not to.

Do you know what first jarred with me, username? The fact that you put 'lighthearted' in the title and then proceeded with a really sad post that is anything but.

Read Bookworm's post again; that is what your friends will be thinking of you. If you can hold your nerve with that perception of you then you're a strong woman than I am, I couldn't.

YANBU. Your DH is though! That's tight behavour!

They stated to bring your own drinks so your dh is BU and a tight arse. If he only brings 2 beers then that's all he should drink imo unless offered

Within our friend group we bring our own drinks that we are drinking and a bottle of shot stuff to share

We have lovely neighbours either side of us. Sometimes we have a bbq at one neighbours, our our place the other one never reciprocates. We take a bottle of white and a bottle of red, we only drink the white. Plus fish OH catches and a dessert. Your OH is cringingly tight.

Imo if the host is providing food, then you should take as much as you plan to have for yourself plus extra for them.

If the host was providing the drink and asking for food contributions I'd take more than one of each item I'd like to eat too!

I don't think he understands the double standards. He didn't answer me when I said that to him though

Oh he completely understands the double standard, that’s why he said nothing as he couldn’t defend it. He just doesn’t care, as you said.

It’ll only be a matter of time where you’re both left off the invite list “ as people tire of him and it’s not socially acceptable to invite one half of a couple.

Watch as invitations you issue are also declined.

In the first paragraph I meant drink..

If your dh takes 2 beers that's all he should have, though I'm sure the host wouldn't begrudge a few glasses of tap water

Tight. At BBQs in our circle, everyone brings plenty of food and drink (even if we say we have enough food ). Last barbecue, people brought salads, homebakes, extra meat and buns, as well as plenty of alcohol, soft drinks etc. We were left with loads, so we had a week of fun dinners!

Just trying to point out that's it not always considered rude/tight - In fact quite the opposite.

It's always rude when it's a potluck/BYO situation.

He knows it’s double standards!

He’s either a) unattractively tight b) unattractively entitled or c) unattractively hard of thinking.

He can choose!

My DH doesn’t really drink and we still ship up with beer alongside the soft drinks and wine.

Meat for a BBQ can be quite an outlay so being stingy and ignoring the clear instructions of your hosts is spectacularly rude of him.

That’s right. If they’re providing some booze and all the food they may well have spent hundreds - we certainly do when we host lots of people. I wouldn’t notice or keep track of what people brought but I’d never turn up to something with less than a bottle of wine.

“he thinks the host should provide”

Well they’re not. And he knows that in advance. If he doesn’t want to go because of that then he doesn’t have to. If he wants to go he can join in as the hosts have asked.