AIBU or is this a bit shitty?

[NastyTurnip]

I've just got home from learning that I've had a delayed miscarriage. I'm devastated. I rang H and told him as he's at work.

He's just rang me and asked if his ex can drop his kids off with me because she wants to go out and he's not finishing work till later.

Usually I wouldn't mind this at all. Get on great with the kids but I'm so upset. All I want to do is get in bed and to be perfectly honest I really don't want to be around young children after just being told I've lost my baby not even an hour ago.

I've said yes but he knows I'm not happy. I've just agreed because I really don't have the energy for any issues right now but AIBU to think this is insensitive of H and he's not thought this through properly? If he wants to look after his kids he should come home from work to do so given the circumstances.

Don't do it. Cancel it, you really won't be able to look after them. You need time to process things

Okay maybe I'm being hyper sensitive now but I've just gone on Facebook and he's shared a picture of his kid when they were a baby on his timeline like literally 20 mins ago (so he knew at that point what I'd just been told).

Is he doing this in purpose?

This is so unfair on you! I'd be telling the ex and getting her number for the future. You obviously can't rely on your useless insensitive DH.

I'm so sorry you're going through this

I thought you said he was tied up at work...wtf is he doing on FB?

Not that he can't share photos but 20 minutes after we just found out we'd lost our baby? Really?

Wow. This is honestly one of the worst things I’ve ever read here.

Oh lovely. Text him if your don't feel like you can say on the phone.

He's being totally insensitive

My goodness pack a bag love.

Wow! When his ExW comes tell her there's been a misunderstanding and that you can't help
You need rest and when you are ready a bloody stern word with your husband
I'm so sorry, go and rest

I thought you said he was tied up at work...wtf is he doing on FB?

I KNOW.

All I can think is maybe this is a way of making him feel better because he's upset so has been looking at pictures?

I'm so sorry op

When ex gets here before she brings them itellmher no

I'm so sorry op. I'd honestly tell her when she drops them off that you arent doing it.
If it's at times like this that you cant stand your ground then when can you?
He is unbelievably cruel to have done this. The miscarriage isnt just happening to you, it involves him as well.

Fucking hell. I would do a combination of what PPs have suggested and when his ex arrives tell her there’s been a mistake and you can’t help and then pack a bag - his or yours depending on the living situation. He has been beyond insensitive.

I’m sorry for your loss

Does she usually organise you to have them so last minute

Can't her family have them

I don't understand he's usually so sensitive and caring and supportive.

The kids are here now and to be honest they've made me laugh a little so not as bad as I was thinking. We are going to order pizza in a minute.

YANBU

Your DH is acting like an inconsiderate arsehole tbh. And if I were you I would say there has been a mix up, and if you can go stay somewhere for the night. Sorry for your loss OP.

I think yes maybe the loss of your baby has made him think about what he has missed out on and what he has, but you have lost a baby too and he needs to get with the program

If feel dreadful for you, of course, but I also feel bad for her children.
Mum wants a night out so they can fuck off to their dad.

Was this the 12 week scan? Why was he not with you?

Maybe the picture is his way of keeping his grief at bay and seeing his children will keep his spirits up. He probably wasn't thinking straight when he asked you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I've been there and you will get through it. Hopefully the children will keep your mind off things a little for now. Be kind to yourself

Was this the 12 week scan? Why was he not with you?

No, I'd been having early ones due to a previous loss so I should have been about 8 weeks. He did come to all the others but couldn't make this one due to a work commitment.

Mum wants a night out so they can fuck off to their dad

I don't really know all the details to be honest, I didn't ask. I've no idea if she's going out on the town or somewhere else. It's obviously not her I'm upset with.

When he gets home can you go to your mums/a friend's/hotel?

You obviously need sometime alone. Especially needed to be with your DH. I would've thought your DH would just come home but whatever reasons he's bound to be at his work, he should also be sensitive towards you and your privacy.

Now that your DSC are coming, I know it's hard but stay normal until your DH shows up. Then he can take care and you can recover. Sometimes, situation with Ex can be very difficult. My DH and his Ex has the same. Sometimes even when we can't accommodate the kids (reasons being he's ill or renovations or my surgery) we still can't back out and have to have them as that's how are the arrangements are.

But all this doesn't explain and excuse his insensitivity towards you and the situation. It is not just your miscarriage, it his too. You both are in this, together. I am so sorry. Stay strong.

I don't even know what to say to the FB part. That's shocking.

Awww OP that’s rough. I’m glad the kids are making you smile a bit. I think your plan for pizza is good too. If you start feeling a bit overwhelmed tell the kids you feel poorly and are having a quiet lie down, and put a film on for them