To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

[Bumpingbumping]

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

It isn’t that bad. It’s painful, overwhelming and a bit scary at times. But I never once thought I was dying. I just said some silly things, like I wanted to go home! You’ll be fine. Maternity care in this country is really safe. Giving birth (however you do it) is what a woman’s body is designed to do. Good luck! You’ll fall in love with that little baby of yours - maybe not immediately, but give t a few weeks and you’ll wonder what you did without them!

V personal thing and every experience is different. I'm incredibly lucky-I have had six children and each labour lasted less than four hours but the pain is other worldly! However, there is addiction in my close family which means I actively steer away from any medications I don't have to take and so I've not had pain relief. Take the drugs! It'll be fine and it will be worth it.

My first labour was so easy and I silently breathed through it.
My second was awful and I screamed through it so I opted for an epidural and then didn't feel a thing
I just watched some Netflix on my phone and chilled until it was time to push lol.

All labours are different so it will be great for some and awful for others. The wonderful thing is there are many pain relief options so so do whatever you need to get through it.

YANBU. It's not that bad (if it's straight forward of course) I had an 8 hour 18 min Labour with my first, only gas and air & 1 shot of morphine at the end, no interventions. 2 hour 42 min labour with my 2nd, just gas & air, no interventions, but did lose a lot of blood so a crash team were called in & I had bad after pains so continued with gas & air for 1 hour after giving birth. It's the recovery that's the worst part imo. I had stitches with both, 2nd time I got an infection after bursting a stitch due to having diorehha so that wasn't nice.. but it was all worth it.

I found the stitching worse than labour...both my babies flew out making a right mess of my bits. My body took over and I had no control over the pushing stage...thankfully over quickly though.

I was expecting bad period pains. What all these soothsayers didn’t realise is that I have absolutely horrific, co-codamol only just touched it, period pains. Therefore, with dc1 I was 9cm when I got there and with dc2, I was 8cm. The second labour was v v quick but with dc1 not one single midwife believed I was anywhere near giving birth because I have a really high pain threshold. Every time we called we were told as they couldn’t hear me screaming I wasn’t far along enough to warrant being in hospital. When they conceded to let me in, the midwife was more than a little shocked to see how far I’d got. Bit of gas and air for dc1; nothing whatsoever for dc2.

The number of people who have told me I’m lying about giving birth with no pain relief is untrue.

People have really different experiences, different pain thresholds and it’s not a race to the bottom of how awful it is.

High heels

That's not true.
My insurance company didn't care or stipulate weeks after a section. It was when I was ready to drive which was 3 weeks and I was walking fine after 2...previous 2 again no major issue just a bit hobbled.

You can't compare normal elc taking place with no danger or contractions emergency section.

I found it horrendously painful and haemorrhaged twice, but you don’t want to know that really. Didn’t tear though so that was lucky.

People say you know the pain is there for a reasons but you can't know If additional damage isn't going on that's the problem, like pp who had 4th degree tear. One lady was sliced by babies long finger nail coming out.
So many variables.

My first labour was HELL (70 hours) and I've suffered PTSD for the past 15 years as a result. However I did go through it 4 more times and whilst still painful they were much better experiences, but my shortest labour was still 16 hours! There is nothing like the feeling of lying in the hospital bed staring at this amazing little creature which you have just created and that makes it worth every second imo

No one woman's experience can describe the full range of feelings, pain and emotion that giving birth can bring, because each one is different. It's not like we all get the same experience and just handle it differently. I've had 3 children, 2 awful births and one wonderful (albeit very painful) one. One was an emergency section which was the most scary experience of my life. One was an after due date induction where I munched on doughnuts and did Hypno birthing, the first was an early induction and I had PTSD for a year afterwards.

Just except that you don't really know what your experience will bring and be respectful of the people who tell you it was awful, because for them it was, that was their experience.

*That's not true.
My insurance company didn't care or stipulate weeks after a section. It was when I was ready to drive which was 3 weeks and I was walking fine after 2...previous 2 again no major issue just a bit hobbled.

You can't compare normal elc taking place with no danger or contractions emergency section.*

That last line bugs me a bit. Both mine were emergency sections. The first after 75 hours of back labour, pushing and failed forceps. I hadn't slept in days, I was dehydrated, I had a fever in labour and I was walking absolutely fine within 24 hours with both. I think it's almost entirely individual (luck/genetics) not the circumstances leading to the c-section.

Everyone I know who has had a section was driving before 6 weeks though. I think it's the same as the good labour stories, people only tend to hear the worst. I assumed c-section recovery would be absolutely awful until I had one and found it was physically very easy for me. I had a baby in NICU and missed all the drug rounds and it was only when a NICU nurse asked if I was in pain because I'd been there for hours, I realised I was meant to be but wasn't. So with my second, I just refused all the drugs postnatally and it was fine.

My induction was hell (back to back baby). It was excruciatingly painful (I’ve had gallstones and labour was way worse). However, it was due to the lack of care I received (or in this case didn’t) rather than the induction. Basically, they wouldn’t believe I was in labour so wouldn’t give me any pain relief at all not even gas and air (topped up with unhelpful and dismissive comments)

Hopefully you baby is not back to back and you will find it less painful. Don’t be afraid to ask for pain relief if feel that you need it. Make sure you birth partner can advocate for what you want or don’t want.

For some reason, only people with the horror stories seem to share. I think those of us who have good stories don't want to seem boastful so we don't say much, but then people end up feeling scared due to the imbalance.

I was extremely lucky to have two fairly text book births. DD1 was 7 hours total, laboured at home for the first half, then laboured in hospital bath for the remainder. Had some gas but nothing else. The warm water was so soothing and I used breathing techniques to just get into a relaxed zone. I even fell asleep between contractions. Baby was born on foam mats on bathroom floor. When transitioning I remember thinking I couldn't possibly put myself through this again, but the minute she was born I would have done it all over again if I needed. I had minor grazing but no tears.

DD2 was even easier. I wasn't totally sure I was in labour at first so by the time we got to hospital I was 9cm dilated. The midwife expected her to come within the hour, but my waters didn't break which slowed things down. Eventually I asked them to break them for me and she was born 25 minutes later. For her I didn't have any pain killers and no tearing. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but it's a pain I welcomed as every contraction brought me closer to meeting my babies.

I found reading a lot about meditation and hypobirthing helpful. I actually didn't technically do either, but found the breathing techniques very useful for managing pain. I do tend to have a fairly high pain threshold and can't deny my absolute luck in having straightforward pregnancies and births, but I truly do believe that going in with a calm frame of mind, being aware of the processes and options, and trusting in your body and your support staff will mean that whatever happens, you will be in the best position to deal with it.

It’s an intense type of pain. I’ve just had Dd (3 weeks ago) and she’s my second.

But as a pp said there’s an end to it. You know that at the beginning. So it makes it more bearable.

It feels like a New Year's Eve party fireworks included in your vagina

Good luck

Yeah it is bad.
Whether that means pain or not is different for everyone surely however in the majority of cases there’s going to at least be some degree of pain, some degree of discomfort, some degree of loss of dignity, some degree of fatigue or exhaustion and of course the part after where your body is recovering has a degree of pain and discomfort about it too.

There are lots of positive birth stories but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have any level of a “holy fuck” moment.

Induction for me was incredibly painful, it’s quick (usually) so it tends to be more intense. My exact words after I delivered were “that was brutal I’m never doing it again” - but I am. I am not dreading the birth but if I am told I need a section this time for any reason I’ll probably be a bit relieved.

Contractions were horrific, the worse pain I can imagine feeling and still be alive at the end 😂 mine didn’t regulate after 36 hours so the lovely maternity nurse advised me to have an epidural, have the midwife break my waters and be induced. 6 months later I could still kiss her! Managed normal vaginal delivery with some pretty extensive internal tearing. It’s not something I want to do again I don’t think, but the baby was worth it 🤗.

I was induced at 10am on the Saturday morning and my waters broke at 8pm.

About an hour or so before my waters broke I remember the pain being mostly in my butt (the saying "it feels like you're shi££ing a football" is perhaps the best way to describe it!!) I was naive in the sense that I thought the pain was going to be at the front; like throbbing vagina pain, an excruciating period!! 😆 Errrr nope!!

Finally got an epidural around 7am Sunday as the pain had gotten too intense. However, in the end I'd only dilated 4cm so for baby's safety I went in for an emergency C section. Babe was out and screaming at 9.20am!!

It's an indescribable pain really (and I thought I had a high pain threshold) 🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyway whichever route you choose, best of luck as everyone's experience is different.

If it was that bad no one would ever have more than one! I had 10 hour labour with forceps, episiotomy, no anaesthetic and stitches in places you never thought you would need stitches. Within 10 months we were trying for baby no.2. It’s not nice but it’s worth it. Good luck! X

@Gobbolinocat I'd love to know what car insurance company that was! (not being goady, would genuinely like to know before number 2 arrives!)

Puffsmummie I won't flame you but I will say you're being quite naive. I thought similarly to you, had prepared my arse off, did a hypnobirthing course, practiced every night with my husband and alone during the day, hired a doula, did rebozo, yoga, bounced on my ball and didn't slouch for the last month, visualised my baby in the right position etc. Unfortunately all that didn't actually translate to my baby who decided to do what she wanted, which was to lie back to back with her head tilted up and sometimes turned sideways. The pain was horrendous, it felt like my pelvis would crack open and I have had gallstones and been stung by a jellyfish. I was beside myself and couldn't sit or lie down and this was at 2cm. I'd planned a gone birth but had to have an epidural (but was still in pain), and ended up with an emergency forceps delivery which didn't heal properly so I had to have reconstructive surgery. And I felt like I was dying, thought my baby and I would die so still have birth trauma despite being 10 months on.

I'm not saying any of that to scare you (or anyone else) but I think part of the reason I was so traumatised is that I kept getting told that there were things I could do to 'control' it, when actually I couldn't. It made me feel like a huge failure. I've had a debriefing since and been told categorically there was nothing else I could have done. Keep doing what you're doing because it should help, but be prepared for your baby to do whatever it wants to do as well! I wish that had been drummed into me more.

Also I had a planned 'elective' c-section (not elective on my part, I desperately wanted a natural birth but my baby was breach and tied up in his cord so having previously miscarried 11 times my consultant was keen to get him out).

Obviously I'm lucky I didn't have an emergency section but nevertheless I haemorrhaged in surgery, nearly died (my DH recalls with horror the previously calm consultant shouting for 'back up in here, now!') and because DS wasn't exactly where they thought he would be the surgery ended up doing so much damage that I was told I had no chance of a VBAC and would 100% have to have surgery for any future children, hence the section coming up for number 2.

Oh and two weeks after the birth my scar split, so recovery wasn't exactly a breeze either.

All I'm saying is (like I said earlier) everyone's experience is different but elective sections aren't necessarily this 'bliss' described by PP.

I truly hope your labour goes well OP.

Peasando it was over 7 years ago and many insurers later.

Maybe start thread about it be because it seems the norm now. Two friends drove after two weeks.

Dinasour you've mis read my post.
I'm not saying women are to blame for emergency c section..
I know very well all childbirth is down to sheer luck. The point was women often say my c section was horrendous... When in fact it was an emergency section, after many hours of pushing etc.

A calm planned elc however can be and certainly was for me a far preferable way to bring baby into world. It was calm, civilised, controlled and whilst there were risks, there were certainly less risks than vag delivery.

I hope women will be able to choose soon.
Child birth injuries are not correctly re corded
It was on radio 4 years ago the largest cost to NHS was payouts to brain damaged babies after botched births. That's without the injuries women are left with. The emotional trauma, ptsd, and so on.

Its the dark ages where femismim is concerned it really is. And the cult of the... Light a candle it will increase your hip size to fit your babies huge head is mis leading and leads women to them blame themselves!

Hm...it's pretty bad. Never had pain like it since but it must be worth it as I did it twice. In all honesty the pain from the induction pessary were worse than the actual contractions.