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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:
tuberr0se · 23/08/2019 17:38

I remember screaming for help with my second. Never felt pain like it. Thought it as going to split my mind in half or something. Sounds weird I know! All worth it though as you have your baby and cup of tea at the end!

ellesworth · 23/08/2019 17:38

Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it

I'll go ahead and say that nothing could prepare me for my child getting stuck, having to have his shoulder rotated, being pulled out and then having the midwife pull him out by his head. Having him not breathing when he came out, having a hole in his lung and not being able to see him for hours because I was too busy puking.

Cliffdonville · 23/08/2019 17:39

I thought it would be not that bad as well.
It was horrific. Over 40hrs, failed forceps then emergency c-section. Baby's heart rate dropping, huge blood loss, and then a painful slow recovery.
I am fit and healthy and expected to be fine, I hope that you have an easy birth, but be prepared for all eventualities

beccarocksbaby · 23/08/2019 17:41

Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it

Yep you're right. I did nothing to prepare for getting sepsis.

Jaffacakebeast · 23/08/2019 17:44

Once was enough to put me off for life

smeerf · 23/08/2019 17:46

Induction contractions were terrible. I thought I couldn't do it and begged for a c section - they laughed. Then I begged for an epidural, and things progressed so quickly I couldn't have one. However, when we got to the pushing stage it was absolutely fine and then it was over! So honestly, if you can get to 8cm, you can do the rest no problem.

Pardonwhat · 23/08/2019 17:50

It’s horrendous.
But worth every single second Smile

Tigerbandage · 23/08/2019 17:51

It was bad for me I was traumatised for years, I couldn’t look at the nighty I was wearing at the time and had to throw it away and I couldn’t watch programmes about hospitals as I would start crying, that was 22 years ago and my eyes are tearing up now, sorry

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 23/08/2019 17:52

It is THAT bad but like all things, you get over it.

littlemeitslyn · 23/08/2019 17:53

Ha ha, 50 years later and I still remember 😁

ThePolishWombat · 23/08/2019 17:53

Pardonwhat Yep.

I always remember watching Greys Anatomy (one of the early seasons!) and Lucy the obstetrician said “A woman will literally rip her own body apart because you promise her a baby at the end of it”.
And it’s totally true.
I can’t think of another reason why I would willingly put myself through that kind of pain... and I’m about to do it again for the third time in a few weeks!!

mumaw · 23/08/2019 17:54

It really is

Vinosaurus · 23/08/2019 17:55

Put it this way - I found the actual pushing baby's head out of your vagina part (aka the ring of fire) and associated tearing a blessed relief compared to the contractions preceding it.

But I did have a back to back baby which wasn't noticed until after they'd pumped me full of suntocinon, and a failed epidural.

But every labour is different. Lots of luck and congratulations on your impending arrival.

Pardonwhat · 23/08/2019 17:56

Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it

Yes. Completely my fault I got SPD so bad that I was bed ridden in hospital for weeks prior to delivery. I then had to have her turned due to position (the single most uncomfortable experience of my life). I had a pessary to induce a labour where after a slow labour for 48 hours I dilated by about 5cm in minutes. Too quick for the aneasthetist to come and do me an epidural. I gave birth and had a 3rd degree tear front to back on 2 paracetamol. I lost loads of blood and was hooked up for a blood transfusion. I spent the first 4 hours of my daughters life in surgery. I then got wheeled into a ward and dumped in the middle of the night with a baby I a) didn’t know how to take care of and b) was too exhausted to open my eyes. Aaaaaaall my own fault. You’re fucking ridiculous.

FragileMoose · 23/08/2019 17:59

@Bumpingbumping I secretly thought the exact same thing as you when I was pregnant with dc1. My waters broke but I wasn't having contractions, at the hospital they hooked me up to a doppler and said I was in fact having contractions... I couldn't feel them and then I got very smug thinking I knew it wasn't going to be so bad and everyone is a bit dramatic.
I was so wrong. Unmedicated, tearing front back and inside and contractions one after the other. It was agony
By comparison my labour with dc2 was much easier, but still painful but no where near as bad.
So I guess it's luck of the draw what kind of labour you will have. Good luck op!

PartridgeJoan · 23/08/2019 17:59

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Problem is there's not really a way to 'not do it' once the pain starts, and many people wish to avoid a C Section for various reasons. And C Sections can be difficult and painful afterwards too

PartridgeJoan · 23/08/2019 18:00

Should clarify that top line was a quote from the OP

Ginger1982 · 23/08/2019 18:00

@PuffsMummie don't be a twat. You've not been through it yet so to turn around and tell those of us who have and found it pretty awful that we just didn't prepare is utterly ridiculous, patronising and downright rude.

Ginger1982 · 23/08/2019 18:04

I should add that I genuinely hope you and the OP come back to say that it was absolutely fine and not traumatic at all, because I wouldn't wish it on others.

coffeeforone · 23/08/2019 18:12

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out?

I'd be interested to hear what you think afterwards. It massively depends on how the labour goes. I had an induction with a drip and gas and air (sadly epidural wasn't available but I did beg for one at one point!). It was pretty horrific for the last hour or two as I was contracting without breaks but immediately afterwards I didn't think 'never again' - but i didn't forget the pain like others say. Next time was almost as painful but better as there were breaks between the contractions and I knew what to expect! I had pretty bad tears both times but still recovered quite quickly.

00deed1988 · 23/08/2019 18:14

As a midwife, I can say it goes from the scale of a woman breathing a healthy baby out and barely bleeding a drop which from the outside looks like a perfect birth but feeling traumatised to a woman who has a horrendous emergency birth, big blood loss, resuscitated baby who is over the moon after and everything in between.

People experience their labours and process how they felt totally differently. What you may consider an amazing birth others may find traumatic and the other way around.

Recovering from a section is not easier at all so most people don't just opt for them without good reason. Yes, birth may appear easier but it is major surgery.

My own personal experience sounds great on paper (well to baby coming out) and prior to me with any midwifery knowledge. 2 hour labour for 1st baby following being induced but I went from nothing to full on contractions with no build up and no one believing I needed to push and shouting at me. Total loss of control. Followed by retained placenta which I had to leave my newborn for over an hour and be brought to theatre. Easy enough procedure but I was traumatised....will I have anymore. Yes, probably.

All you can do is go with it and deal with each contraction as it comes. Relax as much as you can and if you feel you aren't coping, opt for pain relief.

33goingon64 · 23/08/2019 18:19

I would say find a balance between: being prepared that it might be awful and you might be pleasantly surprised (by which I mean, arm yourself with knowledge about worst case scenarios etc); and trying to be relaxed about it, by which I mean your body was made to do this and you CAN do it - it helps (in an 'easy' birth) to go in feeling that you WILL get through it. Sounds like you already have this attitude. Good luck!

Titsywoo · 23/08/2019 18:22

My births weren't traumatic luckily and were pretty straight forward but did they hurt - hell yes, people don't make this stuff up you know! You get over it pretty fast though and there are things to help if you struggle. I've definitely forgotten the pain but its been 12.5 years since I last gave birth! Anyway you'll be fine I'm sure - best not to think about it too much. It'll be over before you know it and you'll feel on top of the world afterwards.

tenredthings · 23/08/2019 18:22

I've given birth 3 times. No pain killers , no gas and air, totally natural. Yes it hurts a lot, but I've had worse migraines. I just trusted that my body and babies knew what to do and so I kind of stepped back mentally to stop any stress or anxiety from getting in the way. The water births hurt me less than the birth out of water.

Quartz2208 · 23/08/2019 18:26

I prepared for it but got an extra quick labour (2.5 hrs) with constant contractions (quite literally) that a stupid midwife did not believe me when I said I was in labour because the machine did not pick up the contractions (due to being constant) as I was on it due to water breaking and it was a vbac. So ended up completely non medicated

You have to get there are things you can’t prepare for