To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

[Bumpingbumping]

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

I was unprepared for the intensity of my contractions, of course i knew they would hurt, but they were just about manageable, i kept thinking to myself 'it's only pain' an just as you think you can't handle the pain, they subside an you can catch a breather! The way i see/saw it, regardless of how painful it is, it is happenin and you have no choice but to get through it. I had waterbirths, and although for me, the water didn't reduce my pain, it eased my back pain during contractions to barely nothing, the front ones were just as intense though.

And I didn't get the rush of love and burst into happy tears as soon as i saw my babies, DP did though so don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen for you. You and your baby are strangers, and it may take time to get to know one another. Certainly with my first, it was her first proper smile at me that made my heart burst, so roughly 6 weeks old

My DD is worth every second but labour waa hell. Two days of 'mild' contractions without sleep meant I was exhausted by the time I got to the main event with no real resources of energy left to draw on. Gas & air and pethidine didn't touch the sides, there was no one available to administer an epidural until it was too late. Baby got stuck and distressed. My minorish heart condition sent me into arrhythmia. Ventouse delivery, botched episiotomy and third degree tear. Enough to put me off ever doing it again. I've actually forgotten the pain but I can't forget the sheer terror of actually thinking we were both going to die. It really is a matter of luck though.

Labor is bad. Was in labor with my first for 24 hours. No epidural.
2nd child I was terrified because I knew how bad labor was. No epidural.
3rd child had epidural. Regretted it because back pain for 2 years.
4th child drove myself to hospital and she arrived 30 mins later. No pain med.
I think the first is always the hardest and longest
Congratulations!

My DD was back to back and I was in utter agony for days until it all went wrong and I had an EMCS. It was horrendous. Second time round I did have an ELCS!! Reading this thread I suspect the back to back was the main issue.

mumguiltrearingitshead

I think you are being over sensitive. This thread is about “not exceptional circumstances or emergency situations”.

This is talking about your average labour. Still birth and emergency horror is a separate kind of trauma.

I do believe being mentally prepared and taking necessary measures reduces the possibility of stressful labour.

Mine was extremely horrendous. But I had done weeks of hypnobirthing and mental preparation as well as preparing my husband.. and got all the necessary things I needed to reduce the pain and make it go smoothly,

It was still horrendous but didn’t traumatise me.

My sil was traumatised by a natural birth and that’s because she refused to prepare... she kept fainting and things went out of control.. when you know what to expect you can stay in control and not be shocked..

I was however traumatised by the fact I had a stupid midwife that kept telling me that everything I knew about labour was wrong and that I wasn’t really pushing.. that is where I felt doubting myself and lost control., she was wrong and I was right.

And now I know better that I should trust my body and ask for s midwife replacement or have a firm word with the midwife if she ever takes me lightly..

But yes... for a natural labour, even induced, the more you are aware of what can happen be preparing yourself to stay positive “inspite it” the less likely you will be affected long term...

There are certain things you can never ever prepare for though and that’s just down to luck and my sympathy is with those that had this.

I thought you meant the political party for a moment.

It was utterly horrific for me. Ended in emergency c sec. But then my body apparently "can't give birth properly", so no idea what it's like for people with a normal cervix etc.

Being fit and healthy, having babies younger but not too young, having the right mindset, being informed all help but it's no guarantee of an easy time, it comes down to the shape and size of your pelvis as well, which no amount of preparation can change! Being older and larger are risk factors for more complications and intervention, though.

Every labour is different.
My first, I absolutely genuinely thought I was going to die, not sure from what, perhaps the pain and hideousness.

Physically it it took me 2 operations and 13 months to feel better. Mentally it took 2.5yrs. I wasn't imagining that, it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

2nd birth was better. I knew that I wasn't actually going to die, and it would be over soon.

I'd probably do it again.

But seriously, that feeling of overwhelming horror and pain and fear of death takes some time to recover from.

I hope yours is a positive one

I have tokophobia so I’d literally rather die than give birth!

Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it

See, I think there is a grain of truth in this.

I don't think labour used to be such a standout awful event for women in the past - and I think that's because they were fantastically more used to suffering uncontrolled pain they couldn't escape.

Back in the day women were regularly assaulted, raped, subject to DV, there was no dentistry as such, and surgery wasn't likely to include anaesthetic. So giving birth was just another fecking thing to deal with.

Now we have these lives that are far FAR freer from abuse and pain. We are used to having control and being treated like actual human beings. Childbirth can be a massive shock to the system due to both the pain and the infantalization of pregnant women that occurs.

Of course, while some random pain and violence might reduce the shock of childbirth, I'm not sure many women would sign up for such a preperation regime...

Probably it would be better if we find a way to actually control women's pain during childbirth and stop treating them like sub-humans, just for good measure.

I nearly died after my induction: it felt pretty bad tbh. Soz.

*Just remembered my friend proudly saying it was horrible but at least she didn't shit herself.

Her husband winked at me, the midwives had just been very discrete 😂*

According to my midwife friend most women who shit themselves during the pushing stage don't even know they've done it because the midwives are so used to it they dispose of the evidence super quickly and discretely.

Back labour for #1
It felt like my pelvis was actually breaking. I was screaming. Not labour sounds. Actual screaming. I seriously just wanted to die to make it all stop. No pain relief worked. Ended up with ventouse.

But I did it again....my rationale being (1) I didn't die (2) it was hideous hideous agony, but only for 24h (actually only 5 or so with #2) . Nearly died there too with blood loss but the pain wasn't so bad at least

I definitely did shit during labour...

I don't know why people are worried about these things...I certainly couldn;t have cared less at the time.

I was scared because i didn't know what to expect and next time i will be scared because i WILL know what to expect.

Yes it was bad, very bad.

But everyone is different, every labour is different and people have different tolerances to pain.

I read it was like extremely bad period pain but period pain has never been so bad that i have wanted to smash up a room before. I know it sounds weird but it did.

I had to have stitches as well which was the icing on the cake but again everyone is different.

One word of advice, don't look at your foof after pushing a baby through it like i did.It was like a punched lasagne and i will never forget that.

Good luck , you will be fine x

M3lon

I agree with your post but I don't think that's what the poster who said women should be more prepared meant.

Pretty horrific for me.. 40 hours in painful early labour before they finally said I can come into the hospital .. further 11 hours before failed forceps and failed ventouse .. emergency c section; lots of blood loss, damage to baby from forceps & ventouse and a slow recovery (and a not great scar for keeps). Was expecting it to be not too bad too!

what oh I know! Though if said poster did decide she want to prepare by having a random stranger pop around once a month and punch her, then I suspect there may be volunteers!

I wouldn’t mind so much if you gave birth and got a billion pounds but you get a potato headed human that ruins your sleep, freedom and sanity!

I was induced 6 weeks ago. Propess for 24 hours which gave me bad period pains for a few hours but only dilated me 1 more cm. They then burst my water and i went on the drip. The pain got intense quickly and was like a constant period pain, but i kept telling DH i didnt think this was 'it' because it didnt come and go and was hesitating to push the button to ask for pain relief . So couldn't have been that bad.

I'd warned them in advance i wanted an epidural so i got that pretty quickly. I only felt the numbing injections for the epidural and it was fine. I couldnt believe it had been 20 mins when he'd finished, felt more like 2, but i think that had something to do with the gas and air.

About half an hour after the epidural, they checked me and i'd gone from 2 -10cms since my waters were broken 2 hours before. I started pushing an hour later and he was out within 30 minutes. I had stitches in my labia which was painful afterwards but its not common to tear there anyway. Birth was incredibly quick and was exactly what i wanted with regards to pain relief. I found pregnancy much harder than the birth lol.

Would also like to add that even though I had pretty textbook deliveries - in the sense that there was no complications, I pushed both babies out myself without intervention, no major damage after either one (just a very minor tear and a couple of stitches after DC1) - probably the best description I’ve ever heard of the sensation of actually pushing your baby out is “trying to shit a watermelon-shaped cheese grater”
Pretty accurate in my experience

Nice try OP

OP I really want you to come back and update on how you found it. I have similar thoughts though still have several weeks to go. Would be fascinating to hear someone else thinking 'meh' and what they actually make of it on the day

Haha that description @ThePolishWombat! I actually liked the sensation of my daughter coming out, it felt like a big hot water bottle between my legs, a friend had described it like a Chinese burn down there but it didn’t feel like that for me.

Totally agree with your post @M3lon why are we still just expected to just get on with what many describe as the worst possible pain a human being can endure? And treated like children who don’t know our minds in the process?

For me it wasn't THAT bad. Bad yes but I had prepared myself for it to be awful so I had no nasty shocks.
It was 40 hours long. I got to 6.5cm and the pain honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but then I have suffered from hideously painful periods for years so that could have been why I didn't find it THAT painful. However I did opted for an epidural at the point as I was 34 hours in and needed the pain to stop so that I could sleep!!
I got to 10cm started to push for I'd say about half an hour and then my baby's heart slowed down (they said she was stuck) so they rushed me into theatre and did a forceps delivery. I didn't feel a bit of pain and apart from having to have a blood transfusion a couple of days after did recover quite quickly. I know from the sound of the labour it sounds bad but looking back it actually wasn't, you have no choice but to deal with it and you do. I practiced hypnobirthing leading up to the birth and although it didn't 100% go to plan I just kept my mindset calm throughout and just kept breathing and didn't panic. Good luck, you'll be fine!