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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I stand a chance of getting back with an ex after 5 years apart? (I got married, had a child, and got divorced in this time)

91 replies

mamahannah101 · 23/08/2019 01:37

AIBU to think I stand a chance of successfully reuniting with an old flame?
I met him when I was in my late teens and him in his early twenties. I was in an on/off complicated relationship with my boyfriend when i met him (now ex-husband).
We became really close and he fell in love with me. He knew I had a boyfriend and that it was complicated. He waited 7 years for me to be with him and we were in and out of contact during this time. He even waited after I got married although we had no contact at this point.

After my divorce we spoke a few times and it was like rewinding the years back. The chemistry was still there. He lives abroad and last year called me to say he was at the airport and had just arrived in London. I told him I was in Cornwall and wouldn't be back for 10 days. When I got back to London he changed his mind about seeing me and decided that he didn't want anything to do with me.

I have tried reaching out to him since but he has said he isn't interested. I just feel like if we meet in person I will be able to see if he still has feelings and or get closure. I love him and it took losing him for me to realise that.

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 23/08/2019 10:06

this would make a good plot for a story, she strings the guy along, marries someone else to make him jealous, he marries someone else to hurt her they both die in the end oh hang on emily bronte wrote this in 'wuthering heights'.

LakieLady · 23/08/2019 10:11

I'd say there's no chance, he's said he's not interested.

DP and I got back together 23 years after we split up, but we'd stayed close friends throughout that time.

ImNotYourGranny · 23/08/2019 10:17

He's not interested. Get over it.

MummatoaMunchkin · 23/08/2019 10:22

People come on! Yes juice diet sounds crazy but she had an abusive ex who made an issue if her weight. So of course thats still going to be an issue for her!

I dont know about anyone else but i have put things off or didnt want to things because i thought i was too overweight, this was after years of my mother telling me i needed to lose weight even though looking back i was not fat at all!

In answer to your question op i think it is too late you need to let him go

SacramentoMN · 23/08/2019 10:54

Going to go against what everyone else had said. Maybe he found out that you lied about Cornwall, and that was the final straw. If you don't fly out to explain then you might regret it. What do you really have to lose? Go, explain your abusive relationship, your lack of self esteem, your desire to lose weight etc. Just be honest. If he is still not interested, agree to be friends. At least you know you have tried.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 23/08/2019 10:58

This is very simple.

No means no.

Choice4567 · 23/08/2019 11:03

Oh OP. I know but you have to let it go

Dljlr · 23/08/2019 11:06

If you can hold yourself back after all that time for 10 whole days to drink liquidised fruit and poop out a couple of lbs I really don't think it's true love op.

covetingthepreciousthings · 23/08/2019 11:12

He waited 7 years for me to be with him and we were in and out of contact during this time. He even waited after I got married although we had no contact at this point.

I don't think it sounds like he was waiting years for you, I think you might just be wishing he had been.

I'm sorry you've been through an abusive relationship, but I think you need to let this man go, he's told you he's not interested, so please don't waste money on plane tickets to fly out to see him.

Concentrate on you & try get him off your mind, as I don't think this will end well.

donquixotedelamancha · 23/08/2019 11:22

If you don't fly out to explain then you might regret it. What do you really have to lose?

What would she gain?

A 'boyfriend' in another country, then what? Is it just an occasional shag to fill the empty hole where her self respect should be or does she drag this little kid to another country and tie her whole life to another man?

@OP For the next few years you need to focus on being a mum and improving your life. Avoid relationships for a while and drama for a long time. When you are happy and healthy send this bloke an email.

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 23/08/2019 11:25

He lives abroad and last year called me to say he was at the airport and had just arrived in London. I told him I was in Cornwall and wouldn't be back for 10 days.

This happened last year? As in 2018?

You need to get a grip. Hope your bum has recovered from the juice cleanse.

RedPanda2 · 23/08/2019 11:47

He 'waited for you' but you weren't in contact? Sounds like you've made this up in your head tbh. He isn't interested.

Vasya · 23/08/2019 12:03

In all honesty, if someone was on here saying 'I spent ten years in love with this person while she got married and had a kid, and then when she was single again I offered to meet up but she wouldn't come and meet me' the advice they would receive would 100% be 'they aren't interested, you have to cut contact and move on'.

I think this is just a case of the timing never being right, OP. It's hard to overstate how important timing is for a relationship.

Try not to dwell on this too much - I know you had a good connection with this man, but don't fall into the trap of thinking it would have been your one great love. You have no way of knowing if that's the case, or if it would actually have all gone horribly wrong.

Try to let the past go and move on - there are other people out there who you can and will be happy with Thanks

littlepaddypaws · 23/08/2019 14:28

this all sounds like one big fantasy to me

ElleDubloo · 23/08/2019 14:32

I think you should lose 5 more lbs. Then he’d love you. Fast for a week and then fly out.

colourlessgreenidea · 23/08/2019 19:27

You met someone, got married, had a child, and got divorced, all within 5 years?

I’ve taken longer than that to finish decorating a room!

colourlessgreenidea · 23/08/2019 19:43

Ok, I’ve reread the thread, and I’ve AS-ed, and I’m even more confused Confused

Have you got one child, or three?

What did you decide to call your travel agency?

colourlessgreenidea · 23/08/2019 19:46

oh hang on emily bronte wrote this in 'wuthering heights'.

If only Cathy had done that juice detox. How different things could have been ... Sad

SilverySurfer · 23/08/2019 22:43

MummatoaMunchkin
People come on! Yes juice diet sounds crazy but she had an abusive ex who made an issue if her weight. So of course thats still going to be an issue for her!

And how does this bear any relevance to the fact that he is no longer interested? Fat or thin - NOT interested. Where is her child going to be dumped so OP can fly thousands of miles to be told that he isn't interested!?

colourlessgreenidea · 23/08/2019 22:54

Where is her child going to be dumped so OP can fly thousands of miles to be told that he isn't interested!?

And what happened to her other two children? Confused

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_advice_tips/3168190-Hotel-resort-facilities-to-consider-first-holiday-abroad-with-baby-kids

Choice4567 · 23/08/2019 23:02

Oh. I mean I know it happens all the time, but juice cleanse lady wasn’t real?! And she’s barely engaged with the post. Wanted more value for money out of this one

Ilikethisone · 23/08/2019 23:10

He heard through your mutual friends, that you werent in Cornwall.

He cant be bothered with the drama and with your blowing hot and cold.

Neither could I. Flying out to see him would be bonkers. Is the cunt of an ex going to have how many kids while you go?

Andysbestadventure · 23/08/2019 23:12

Juice diet 😂

user1473878824 · 23/08/2019 23:37

If this is an actual thing and two of your children have vanished, do the freedom programme and sort yourself out. This is insane.

ACPC · 23/08/2019 23:44

Dh and me have regular juice diets before dtd. Why are you all being to snippy. Confused
Anyhoo, op, yabu. You messed with this guy and now he's moved on.