To think if you're skint, it affects your children's outcomes in life

[racetogether]

We have always been skint. We don't particularly have a good quality of life- very small house, needs alot of work, no Garden, . My kids have never been away on a holiday, they don't have bikes- we can't afford it. We can't afford trips out even it it's free as we need take into account cost of petrol so they are few and far between. Things like going to zoos etc is out of the question. They've been wanting to join a football club for several years but at £40/m there's no chance.

I feel sad for my kids. They don't have the same opportunities as I would have liked to have given them. I have mental health issues and suffer from depression on and off and this also I find affects the way I parent.

I feel I'm really letting my kids down.

Ok the other hand, their friends holiday regular ansn

The problem with keeping kids amused and entertained with stuff we did back then, is that now there is so much on offer and their peers are most probably doing it. So whilst imagination and going to the library sounds all good, theres still alot on offer which the kids wont be able to take part in.
Op have you checked with the clubs if they subsidize some spaces for kids?
Museums, free events in your area?

Definitely shit being skint and depressed and the two feed into each other. And yes, it affects outcomes and aspirations for our children. Of course it does.
However.... reading for pleasure is a massive indicator of children's success - and can outplay parents' educational levels and socio-economic status. Get your children to the public library (every 3 weeks if it's a bit of a hike) , get them reading and keep them reading. Stories, graphic novels, anything . Read to them. Try and enthuse them. It's something really important you can do for them- without paying.

We don't have a garden either op and i hate that but I take the DC to the park anyday that I can. We bought a cheap kite from decathlon and they love flying it, they've got second hand bikes etc... We have luckily been able to take them abroad because we've booked cheap flights then and air bnb but I appreciate you any not be able to do it even then.
There's free events all the time in any town centre, look at museums and galleries and things that you can sign the kids up for.

If you are able to be more specific with where you live a local mumsnetter might be able to offer more specific recommendations/ local resources.

My friend never went to the cinema as a child because it was too expensive. Not much else either. She’s an accountant and lives in an average detached 4 bed on an estate near a city in the midlands and you her accountant dh. So not cheap but not London prices.

Yes it is far more difficult for children from poorer backgrounds. Please don’t beat yourself up or make life a self fufilling prophecy.

Have a look at primary times for local often free activities if your dcs are primary age or younger.

I agree with you OP I think it can and as sad as you think it must be for your DC it must be equally if not more so upsetting for you and your DH as well.

I can remember what it was like not being able to say yes to very much when I was a single mum to 4DC not receiving any maintanance and the limited benefits I was entitled to being mucked about and honestly for me it was bloody soul destroying and a very depressing way to live.

Have you used the Governments online calculator to check your getting every single thing that your entitled to if you haven't give it a try you never know you may be missing out on something that your entitled to.

With days out do you have any friends or family that would be happy to do a car share or car pool with you so the cost of petrol for days out is shared?

With the football clubs your DC want to join do you have family or friends that buy them presents for birthdays/Christmas or Easter maybe, would they chip in together to pay for the clubs as a present for your DC instead of an actual present to unwrap.

Like a PP mentioned have a look online for free bikes,check out ebay,freecycle,Gumtree and Preloved(there's most probably tons more that I don't know about so have a good look around)also think about putting a call out for any free bikes people you know might be getting rid of on facebook,I know some people wouldn't want anyone knowing that they needed or wanted something for free but tons of my friends that are better off are always putting up things for free or asking for things for free and are over the moon when they can help someone else out or someone else can help them out.

These are most probably things you've already done but just incase you haven't have a look through all of your incomings and outgoings and see if there's something your missing,check out what companys your with for your energy supplies,your house phone(if you have one)mobile provider,tv packages(if you have them)internet,credit cards,insurances everything.We recently changed our gas and electric suppliers and we're going to save over £100 a year and my DH rang up Sky and said we were going to leave them so they've knocked our bill down by nearly £30 a month(saving us nearly £360 a year)and we've been given Sky Q,we have an extra box now and we get netflix so you can shave some money of your bills by shopping around.

A longer term plan I know but is there any chance of pay increase with either of your jobs?Either through extra training that you could access through your work or a change in job or taking on extra hours.

If one of you is working part time could you do some babysitting on the side for friends/family/neighbors and in return they could take your DC out(they're treat)in the school holidays or at the weekends.

I hope things start improving for you soon OP

Yes it can have some impact but I believe a stable, loving, supportive home is just as important. A child can have all the luxuries in the world but have the crappest parents which can have just just as a detrimental effect.

As an English teacher who’s taught in both private and state and seen a wide demographic range, I still hold that the best thing, educationally, to do at home is read - which thankfully is close to free.

There’s also a lot being said about the benefits of free unsupervised play, which often outweigh expensive “extra-curricular” clubs and activities.

Genuinely, the kids who have most made me think “wow I can’t wait to see what you do” have come from the poorest backgrounds just as often as not.

It's controversial, but assuming the OP is in England, having a child is always a choice.

You have to be more resourceful if skint I think. I like Gumtree for nice furniture that's barely used going for pennies etc as it's all local stuff. My Dads family were beyond skint, he got a scholarship to grammar school then a grant to go to Uni & worked weekends in a bakery to give his parents some financial help while studying. He ended up in a really great well paid job.

My sister is single has five children. Days out for her are often just walking the dog on the beach or on the moors. Her children have never been on holiday but she has a good relationship with all of them and they are very close with her IYSWIM. I think that is better than having lots money.

timshelthechoice yeah you're right, the OP should just give up, sit at home fedling depressed and hopeless and not make any attempt to improve her situation.

How old are the kids op?

In my experience as a child, unmanaged parental depression is so much more harmful to happy childhood memories than being skint.
We were on a pretty tight budget growing up but free, very cheap activities or just free time to play were great. What was not great was my mum constantly whinging about not being able to afford overseas holidays and telling us how crap everything was, she never imagined our lives being this poor etc. Having to reassure a parent that everything was ok and minimise my own feelings has definitely had a much larger impact on my life prospects than not having lots of expensive days out.

I went to uni to combat this very situation. When my eldest three were small I worked in crap min wage jobs and I knew I (and they) deserved better so I worked part time and studied full time at uni. Had a degree after three difficult years then a post grad, now a college teacher. I’m far from rich but we can go on day trips without worrying and have an annual holiday.

Could studying be an option?

Also the majority of things we do are free or inexpensive. I use the app Hoop and find fun activities nearby, many are walking distance. I live in a small northern town too.

FFS, feeling, NO ONE has suggested that. But she brought up a topic you simply cannot discuss on MN without a whole load of victim blaming and sunshine and bollocks about how you can magically move or give up your car and then be quid's in .

I know someone who grew up very poor to the point she didnt know that shoes wasnt ment to squash your feet. She went off to cambridge and now works for westminister as a environmentalist impact researcher. Anything's possible

It sounds really tough and very hard for you all. I think it's also easy to say well why don't you do this but to be honest we live near the beach and often go out with a picnic but then the children want an ice cream ect so you end up paying a few pounds or you go to he free museum but then they want something from the gift shop ect and yes you can say no but if you are having to say no every single time it must be really hard for you. We live in the north east I work very part time in admin in the NHS and my husband works in a factory we are both on a bit more than minimum wage I think s£ more so that helps He works over time for time and a half and I think we get by ok. My son never really misses out but we are sometimes skint by the end of the month. Obviously no idea if this will be the same in your area or if suitable for your children's ages but some ideas to look into. Our libraries have done brilliant free activities from science shows,, coding with cubetto, sand art, crafts ect. Local parks have had family fun days on, picnic in the parks, free storytelling, some of the churches have activities have you been to messy church at all they do craft activities and things and you get a meal there( obviously there is a religious element ) In our area there has been Tyneside rocks ,( decorate rocks and then hide them ) this year its books so you get to keep the book to read then re hide somewhere else with a little note to the next person. BlackBerry picking, collecting leaves ect to print, paint with, creating scavenger , nature hunts are also free , make dens on woodland walks, nature art, try and make paints with nature , we do lots of beach , park days with a picnic, thinks like paper mache projects usually take a while if you have paint ect to decorate , my son is little so still enjoys playing with water if you don't have any outside space and they are young enough a bath with containers ect and little toys. I agree about signing up to local Facebook pass it on sites also where we live there is a service its 5 to join but its then a toy library and you can go every month and lend new toys just like books and then keep then take back and swap again. Our council also has been doing cycling courses over the summer I find know if you have to have your own bike or can lend one but might be worth looking at. Lastly if you did have a few pounds spare you can get some good jigsaw, puzzles ect at charity shops to entertain them on wet days. Hope things improve for you soon and sending love

Sympathies, OP. It is well known and has been proven by study after study that poverty has a negative impact on DC and their prospects and life chances. Unfortunately, the plundering of this country by a handful of wealthy parasites is getting even more out of hand.
The best advice I can give you is to look into community/activist groups for hope and mutual support - and sometimes practical advice as well.

timshel I don't see hardly any victim blaming tbh, just a lot of people making suggestions. If they're not applicable to the OP they can move on and consider another option.
It would help if the OP would come back on and give more details but until then it's perfectly valid to ask OP if she has any expenses she could cut down on, or to share their own experiences. The OP is certainly not the only poster on here who has been in this situation.

timshelthechoice yeah you're right, the OP should just give up, sit at home fedling depressed and hopeless and not make any attempt to improve her situation. hmm

Of course she should try to improve her situation, but many posts here seem to have no idea just how challenging that can be when you’re living in poverty. I worry that the whole “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” philosophy merely distracts from the damage that austerity based policies and practices have in forcing children into poverty and preventing social mobility.

Social mobility is shown to be at is lowest levels, the opportunities for people to lift themselves out of poverty are fewer and fewer and this government knows that’s what’s happening.

Yes the OP can give her children as many free opportunities as she can, she can clean toilets and take in ironing - and she might win, but there’s no question the dice are loaded against her doing so by virtue of child poverty and austerity politics.

I think what’s harder than poverty is the inequality. I grew up with a single mum and we were seriously skint, but so were all my friends and we were genuinely happy. It wasn’t until I got to university I started feeling sad about our situation as the difference in attitudes was so striking. I think I over-compensate with my own children now and I do need to address this, as it’s seriousky not doing them any favours.

I get it OP. When my children were growing up we were really skint, due to my DPs long term medical problems.

Yes you can go for a country walk, but at the end you will be faced with an ice cream van. You can go to a free museum, but there will be a gift shop. It's really, really tiring saying no to children all the time.

Stick with it. If I've learnt anything, it's that being skint is the very best way of teaching children how to manage money, and want to work hard as teenagers.

Beside the point of the yhread but sea life centre is in Scarborough and is doing vouchers. Tynemouth has a blue reef.