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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I'm the worst mother ever...

76 replies

Twinkletoenails · 22/08/2019 12:57

Slightly melodramatic but I am at the point in the hols where I feel like I'm on the edge. Seriously on the edge.

I feel like I have no patience with dcs at all. I try desperately to hide it. Inside I'm screaming "stfu!!!".. I feel like I have my teeth clenched constantly. I try desperately to hide this and I do BUT my tone of voice probably gives it away.

Very active kids for the record and I just feel drained mentally and emotionally. Then I see people close to me who are so patient and almost saintly in their parenting. This highlights how crap I am. It has gone through my head to run away but I know that must just be a release for my overloaded brain.

I have tried hard to give them a good til but I feel like I've failed!

Sorry for the moan.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoenails · 22/08/2019 12:58

*hol not til

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 22/08/2019 12:59

I bet you’ve given them a lovely holiday but 6 weeks is a really long time and you don’t get a break from that so it can seem difficult.
Don’t compare yourself to others.

mbosnz · 22/08/2019 13:01

Um, you're holding it in - you're doing fine!

I said to DH yesterday as we watched yet another in a long line of long suffering parents trying to keep their kids entertained and occupied and get out and about with them, and dealing with the inevitable fall out and attitudes of unappreciative offspring come very close to losing the plot - you can really tell which end of the holidays we're at!

Hang in there, we're almost there!

Pinkblueberry · 22/08/2019 13:01

Then I see people close to me who are so patient and almost saintly in their parenting.

Most people will be hiding most of their frustrations just like you are, don’t let this make you feel inadequate. It sounds like you just really need a bit of a break and some time to yourself - any chance of getting that?

Frenchmom · 22/08/2019 14:49

Don’t believe that everyone else is a ‘perfect’ parent.
My children were generally well behaved outside but a nightmare at home. I spent a lot of time shouting at them in the house.
A friend once said she wanted to be like me as I was always so calm. I nearly fell off my chair.
So, what you see isn’t always how it is. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.
My children are now 18,16 and 14. We have a good relationship and there’s a lot less shouting, ( but still a little!)

mbosnz · 22/08/2019 15:14

I remember asking a friend of mine how she was always so calm and cheerful.

Her reply?

"Drugs mate. And a shiteload of alcohol. . . "

I felt so much better after that! (P.S. the drugs were the legal prescription kind. . .)

Vibiano · 22/08/2019 15:18

You are not the worst, I am.
I'm Spartacus!
Grit your teeth for the last stretch now.
I would recommend some fruit shoots, skittles and a full day of unlimited screens so you can hide in a cupboard with a bottle of gin.

The4ks · 22/08/2019 15:18

Im in Scotland so kids are back but my god it was a long holiday!
Agree anyone who looks calm and collected will be screaming on the inside for sure

LilyLoves · 22/08/2019 15:23

I have been feeling exactly the same at times !

6 weeks is a bloody long time and can be mentally and physically exhausting at times.
Mine too tend to behave out the house and then not so much at home - but I'd rather it be that way around tbh.

My 7 and 5 year old also tend to make a right mess and then leave it all 😂
But I know in a couple of weeks I'll be missing them heaps and wishing we were back on holiday!
Hang on in there - you wouldn't be normal if you didn't shout at times . Plus the fact you are noticing it happen is a good sign. It's the ones that don't realise that are a worry!
Good luck and pour yourself a nice drink at bedtime !

Notodontidae · 22/08/2019 15:46

Dont try and be perfect, your job as a parent is to keep your children safe, beyond that everything is a bonus. Give yourself a break; surely a partner, grandparent or friend can have the children for a few hours. Teachers plan their day, to keep the children engaged, when they are in bed, plan a visit to the park or sports centre, but include some convalescence for your self. Tell yourself your doing a great job, bringing up children is hard beut rewarding wotk.

Notodontidae · 22/08/2019 15:46

Dont try and be perfect, your job as a parent is to keep your children safe, beyond that everything is a bonus. Give yourself a break; surely a partner, grandparent or friend can have the children for a few hours. Teachers plan their day, to keep the children engaged, when they are in bed, plan a visit to the park or sports centre, but include some convalescence for your self. Tell yourself your doing a great job, bringing up children is hard beut rewarding work.

Candymay · 22/08/2019 15:53

Honestly I feel the same. I’m on edge and haven’t given the children a holiday or any sort.
Week 1 found a dead body.
Week 2 DIY and electrical work on house.
Week 3 can’t remember.
Week 4 hospital visits daily
Week 5 hospital visits daily
Week 6 I’ll maybe try to take them to the coast for a day trip?

Honestly you’re not the worst. That’s me this time.

Candymay · 22/08/2019 15:58

@Frenchmom I love what you said. You’ve made me feel so much more normal. I feel terrible for shouting and I know it’s not right but it’s so nice to feel like I’m not so terrible!

Elisheva · 22/08/2019 16:01

I’m the perfect parent out in public. At home I’ve banned the use of the word ‘mummy’ and threatened to sell the next child who leaves a crisp packet on the sofa.
In the first week of the summer holidays we practiced our reading and spellings every day, went on picnics and to the park. Today my dd was watching YouTube kids on her iPad and CBeebies on the tv at the same time while eating from a family pack of twiglets.
One week to go...

Arrowfanatic · 22/08/2019 16:04

I've really struggled. My kids are the kind that need expensive, organised fun and unfortunately money has been worse than tight these holidays. We've managed a couple of cinema trips and thats it.

We take them to parks and they kick off (they're 10, 8, 7), well no, one or two kick off. I can never please them all.

So mostly I've just left them to do their own thing, just breaking up the fighting but the constant refereeing has been exhausting. Thank goodness my husband is off now!

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 22/08/2019 16:06

@Candymay did you actually find a dead body?

Angrybird123 · 22/08/2019 16:06

If funds allow I've found it really helps if I include something nice for me on days out. So recently we spent the day at the beach, usual sort of stuff but very kid oriented and me being needed every two seconds to play, dig, wipe, sort, give, buy, find etc. I factored in going to a nice seaside restaurant for a civilized and tasty lunch rather than gritty sandwiches or greasy chips and that was 'my' bit of the day that helps me feel less sidelined. At home I insist that at some point of each day they leave me alone for one hour to read or watch MY TV. It keeps me going in the other 12 odd hours!!

Stressedout10 · 22/08/2019 16:09

We are 2 days back to school here and all I can say is thank fuck🥳
After 7.5 weeks (56days😱) holiday there wasn't a parent who didn't look relieved to be back on Wednesday morning

Candymay · 22/08/2019 16:15

@GiveMeAllTheGin8 I did. And I’m getting awful flashbacks. Trying to keep cheerful for the children though! I just feel it’s a very poor summer holiday. Just before the holiday we lost our beloved pet suddenly too.

notsohippychick · 22/08/2019 16:18

candy so to re rail the thread but you found a dead body?!! Good lord! That’s awful.

Probably a parent keeled over with fatigue!

notsohippychick · 22/08/2019 16:18

Sorry to derail I mean.....

justbeingadad · 22/08/2019 16:24

Don't compare yourself to what you see others doing. I know a parent of my DS friend who looks like they've got their shit together 24/7 365, with 3 kids and who knows what else. Fact is, they haven't, they just look like they have.

You might not be feeling as good as you wish you did, but the fact you're on here asking proves you are not the worst mother ever.

If they are slightly older, tell them it's hard. Too many kids going through life not realising how hard being a parent is! My 6yo gets told when he's pushing us too far, even if he's not being badly behaved, sometimes you do just need to tell them that you need a break from the intensity.

Candymay · 22/08/2019 16:26

@Notsohippy I don’t want to derail either because this is an important thread. But I’ve definitely had a shocker of a summer. Sorry OP.

AudacityOfHope · 22/08/2019 16:32

@Stressedout10 exactly the same for me. I wonder if we're in the same area! 7.5 weeks was just fecking ridiculous.

ItsABubbleParty · 22/08/2019 16:37

Tonight - pack a bag- be it beach stuff, snacks and waterproofs for a city day out, whatever. Pack it after bedtime so they don't know, can't moan.

Up, dressed, etc in morning like a military regime. Go on an adventure. Don't let them in the house as they'll just make mess than needs sorted later.

Or

Find fellow fucked off Mum and have a wine play date. Very frowned upon on Mumsnet but whatever!

Or

Tell them it's time to do some practice for school and get the letters or whatever out. See how far they run in opposite direction

WineWine