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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I'm the worst mother ever...

76 replies

Twinkletoenails · 22/08/2019 12:57

Slightly melodramatic but I am at the point in the hols where I feel like I'm on the edge. Seriously on the edge.

I feel like I have no patience with dcs at all. I try desperately to hide it. Inside I'm screaming "stfu!!!".. I feel like I have my teeth clenched constantly. I try desperately to hide this and I do BUT my tone of voice probably gives it away.

Very active kids for the record and I just feel drained mentally and emotionally. Then I see people close to me who are so patient and almost saintly in their parenting. This highlights how crap I am. It has gone through my head to run away but I know that must just be a release for my overloaded brain.

I have tried hard to give them a good til but I feel like I've failed!

Sorry for the moan.

OP posts:
SpeedyShutter · 22/08/2019 19:35

I have a countdown calendar on the whiteboard at home Grin. 13 more sleeps (I hate that phrase but meh...) until normality.

I've been running out of ideas for free or cheap ways of entertaining my dc (they are actually very good at entertaining themselves but there comes a point where I have to step in and provide some guidance). Today I gave them a box of jumbo chalks and they've made a road on the path around the house. Kept them happy for hours. Yesterday they spent the afternoon in their bedrooms after hitting each other with swords because one wanted to build a fort right outside the door and the other purposefully kicked it over.

I've done a lot of shouting over the last few weeks and can feel my depression creeping back because I haven't had a break and the constant noise is doing my head in and that feeling of being on edge because something is going to set off an argument at any moment is giving me tension headaches.

We've been out a few times but it feels pointless when they strop during a day trip that they asked for!

I'm fed up of food. Food is the bane of my life at the moment. If I'm not planning a meal I'm preparing it or cooking it (only for them to whine they don't like it). Then I'm tidying and washing up after it. Then, in 3 hours' time I start all over again. Yes, they have been attempting to cook for themselves and they do wash and tidy up but I still have to supervise and guide them do it for them so it's still a total pain in the arse.

I've told them that when they go back to school I'm having a party - I'll sit in degree living room with a hot cup of tea on one side and a packet of biscuits on the other and just revel in the silence for 6 while hours. I might even go out of the house and celebrate the fact that it will take just 5 minutes to get ready and go.

Op, you're normal. There are millions of parents feeling the same as you do, even if they don't show it.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 22/08/2019 19:43

Meant to have the kids half the holidays but their dead beat dad let them down so now have to entertain them for pretty much the whole holidays with no break. No break and no fucking money as he doesn't contribute anything towards them. I've been forcing them to do "home work every day as one child is significantly behind at school". I tell you I'm no bloody teacher!
All while trying to keep the house spotless for viewings as trying to sell and avoiding my neighbour who's got the hots for me!!! So I'm stressed inside the house with the kids and stressed outside as I'm avoiding my neighbour like the plaig.
Being on the move and back to school

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 22/08/2019 19:43

Least I didn't find a dead body, o god sorry to hear that!

namestar · 22/08/2019 19:44

stressed and audacity I hear you!! That was one long motherfecking summer holiday.

Unicornhamster · 22/08/2019 20:04

We only just started our summer because DS broke both of his arms the day before school finished. So for the past 5 weeks I have had 4 month old twins and a very limited in ability 5 year old to entertain, feed and water. DS just got his casts off so he can now go for a poo without me.
I am seriously getting him an eye test next week because that amount of TV must have caused some damage. Never have I longed for the cold winter months as I do right now.

Doryhunky · 22/08/2019 20:09

Bet you didn’t tell your kids you were never taking them on holiday again! Honestly I give up. Constant squabbling and ingratitude.

Original poster
Twinkletoenails · 22/08/2019 20:12

Thanks all. Sometimes it's just good to get some perspective by sharing stuff with others- just by being honest. Sounds like some of you have had it particularly hard. It's awful when you just feel unable to cope!

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoenails · 22/08/2019 20:14

Speedy- can relate

OP posts:
Phineyj · 22/08/2019 20:22

I am on holiday this week in a narrowboat with DH and DD (age 6). We have had some nice quarters of an hour but OMG the arguing, moaning and whingeing from the 6yo. DH, driving the boat, has been able to ignore most of it. Today I made her go on a long walk along the towpath so at least the whingeing changed to about stinging nettles etc.

I have been the least patient person ever this week and have been hiding in the bathroom (which at least locks solidly) although I can still hear the whingeing in there.

Solidarity, OP.

Phineyj · 22/08/2019 20:23

Oh yeah and I did tell her I was never taking her on holiday again doryhunky.

Feelingnewblu · 22/08/2019 21:01

I’m in Ireland, 9 weeks for primary and 3 full months for secondary -12 weeks.... yup.
I absolutely believe kids need a break but feel that in Ireland it’s way too much. It’s actually really hard to get teaching jobs here, completely the opposite to the Uk.
Anyway I digress, I wrote a similar post yesterday. My kids are really, really good when out so I know I definitely look like one of those parents. We had a fab day on the beach today running around etc. At home it’s v different, I have a million jobs I need to do but can do absolutely nothing. I find this incredibly frustrating. They fight a lot and just run wild inside. They are great kids but I’m exhausted, the day starts at 6am, sometimes earlier. I don’t have practical family support just me and dh (I know I’m lucky to have this). It’s just so full on all the time. I notice often on mns the plp who talk about relaxing summers are those with one child or older dcs or those who live in the UK with 6 weeks holiday :)

PenelopeChipShop · 22/08/2019 21:49

I think feeling like this is absolutely normal at this point in the holidays surely, especially if you’ve been the one at home with them all the time.

Ironically for me this is the first summer holidays that I haven’t had to work (or rather, caring responsibilities have forced me to take the whole six weeks off) and I had been looking forward to it. I remember feeling I was missing out last year.

OMG I am so much more tired this year!! Possibly doesn’t help that I’m a LP and my so-called co-parent chose to spend 3 weeks of the summer hols abroad with this girlfriend. But even not having the stress of work doesn’t ease the relentlessness of the constant entertaining, cooking, tantrums, fights and whingeing. The other night I feel asleep on the floor of the kids’ room at 7.30pm, before the oldest was even asleep!

AudacityOfHope · 22/08/2019 21:55

@Stressedout10 yep! Your username is very appropriate Grin

Croquembou · 22/08/2019 22:08

I made her go on a long walk along the towpath so at least the whingeing changed to about stinging nettles etc.

In my head, she was walking next to the boat while you were both safely on board where you couldn't quite hear the whinging Grin

Dieu · 22/08/2019 23:34

You're not crap. Your kids are still alive - and so are you! A success story, in my eyes ThanksWine

TreacherousPissFlap · 22/08/2019 23:59

DH and I are vying for the worst parents ever award - DS(15) thinks we are the best parents, which is probably a slightly dubious accolade and bumps us way up the bad parent league tables Grin

Original poster
Twinkletoenails · 23/08/2019 00:01

Treacherous Grin

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 23/08/2019 08:11

DD18 has just gone to Amsterdam for a week with friends. one has had already their phone stolen whilst blind drunk, another has "lost" their passport - I am being regaled by their "adventures" every couple of hours. (7.20am... "we had waffles and beer for breakfast, now we're going to bed")

I pine wistfully for the days of bickering and whinging - or even the early teen sullenness and lack of communication - but especially, my now jinxed, bliss filled late teen summers of co-operation and absence (in THIS country!)

MsMarvellous · 23/08/2019 08:13

DH has taken the kids to visit MiL and I've stayed home. I've had two nights and days of peace. Just me and the pets. It's been a life saver.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 23/08/2019 08:17

Peaks and troughs here.

I once had a friend say they didn't know how I was so calm and patient with them, they were home educated at the time so we were together every day even without the hols.

I told her I was well medicated.

Iggly · 23/08/2019 08:18

I’m similar OP but it’s not a feeling I enjoy. I feel guilty because the inner raging voice is coming from a place I don’t like and I don’t think it’s fair on the dcs. 🤷🏻‍♀️
But that’s because I had a crap childhood, parenting was functional at best, abusive at worst. So I’m trying to be a better mum and then berate myself when I don’t get it right.

Best thing for us is to get out. My dcs are obsessed with technology but will enjoy themselves when we are out. Key is to find a balance of things they like.

But we recently had a lovely holiday where we didn’t take the computer console or iPad with us. We played board games like some sort of jolly family from the 1970s (😂) and the house felt that bit calmer....

Phineyj · 23/08/2019 13:23

Grin the thought has occurred croque

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 13:29

Honey we're all holding our shit together by a thread. You aren't alone.
Breathe you've got this!

Mummyilovejokes1 · 23/08/2019 14:31

You are not alone, this holiday is so long and i have felt compelled to keep them entertained. They bicker alot even when we have been out. We are on holiday next week and cannot wait as they will be entertained with swimming and i wont have to cook...then they are back to school and pre school and i will have one day completely to myself which is keeping me going. Im even considering letting the pre schooler to have the hot lunch at pre school so i dont have to make him pack lunches Grin as im fed up with thinking about food and making it!!

Didiplanthis · 23/08/2019 14:40

I hug them and tell them I love them every morning then it goes to shit from there but hopefully they know it's loving shit..... but dear god it's a long slog..