AIBU to make DD pay for replacement PE kit?

[RainbowSparkles]

DD1 (12) has lost half of her PE kit, replacing it will cost approximately £50.

Parent A wants DD to pay for the replacement kit as they have lost equipment over the year which parents have paid replace and DD was told she would need to pay to replace the next thing that she lost.

Parent B doesn't want DD to pay to replace these items as they say we don't know if the items still fit DD and we probably would've been replacing them anyway.

Would Parent A be unreasonable to make DD pay to replace the items?

Replace but with the bigger size only and if she is annoyed about the look she can buy smaller herself?

I'm with Parent A - she's got to learn to look after her things

It's annoying but I think A is unreasonable to make a child pay for replacing it.

I'd try talking to her and see how it got lost exactly. My kids are good at looking after their stuff but sometimes at school things go missing especially at secondary with so many children and them constantly moving around the school. Annoying but it happens.

I love the replace with the bigger size but depending on the girl that isn’t entirely right. Both mine had the same kit ( brought a bit big ) fro year 7 to 11 ( yep same kit mostly for youngest it was handed down as 6yr gap😂).
With son who lost everything regularly we replaced anything the first time it was lost and he paid after that - he managed to keep most things after that 😂

£50 is a lot of money for a 12 year old, how would you expect her to be able to pay? I think say she has to pay for one item maybe?

I’m with Parent A.

Unless there’s a SEN reason the 12yo can’t keep track of things, warning of consequences and following through with that seems fair to me.
Mine were awful at losing things. Paying for replacements focused their minds wonderfully - they rarely lose anything anymore

My dS14 loses everything he takes out of the house at some point. He sometimes doesn’t even realise he’s lost it. For example - we just bought him his rugby club hoodie (£45!!). I took him to another activity last night - he went in without a coat on, came home with said hoodie. He’d left if there last week, hadn’t even realised it was missing and only found it because of a chance conversation with someone about rugby.
He’s been told that if he loses it, he pays for a new one himself.
He’s lost PE kit before, with brand new under armour in the bag. And promptly lost the replacement set a few weeks later. They have to leave their kit bags in the cloakrooms between lessons so I got his Head or Year involved and it ‘turned up’. I took the kit, and bag to a local lady who sewa logos and had his name sewed on the sleeve, short leg and bag. It’s quite discrete but visible when worn. Funnily enough, his kit has never gone missing since. I have threatened to do this to ever item of expensive clothing he owns if he keeps loosing things.

I would probably buy new kit in a slightly too large size for her to grow into, label it all clearly, make sure she knows how much it cost and that if she loses any of it she will be responsible for replacing it.

Can she not pay half? So she is making a contribution - and for most 12 year olds a big one.

B is correct , also it’s just part of being a parent, children lose things.

I'm with parent A if she has been warned previously

I would replace now (at the bigger size), but make it clear that this kit has to last all year, so anything lost will need to be paid for by her.

I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose.

Are you (clearly parent A given the thread title) suggesting she pays out of her birthday money, or suggesting she does chores until you've decided she's 'earned' enough?

How will she pay?
Do you send her out to work?

Put her on warning if was her fault... this time we replaced but if you lose and it s your direct carelessness you will scrub the floors for a week to pay back

But kids and adults lose things.
Have you never lost anything?

Can you do something like pay to replace but make her go out and buy it so it's an inconvenience and she doesnt just magically get a new one? Or ask for a contribution

I would pay. Many times things are not “lost” but taken by bullies and child doesn’t want to admit it.

Seriously? Parent A is BU.

Shes 12. Children lose things.

Also how would she even have the money to replace them?

We give DS2 the choice lost property dive and we replace the odd bit each year or he pays if he wants everything new.

Secondary school lost property is stuffed full of misplaced kit and uniform. Pupils turn their nose up even at their own labelled stuff once it's been to lost property.

I'm a sucker for a compromise and would pay half. I think as she's been told she'd be paying, it's very undermining of the parent who has said this for there to be no contribution.

Agree with Sirzy - make her pay half.

And maybe say that if she doesn't lose it again, you'll refund her the half at Easter?

If she’s been told that the next item she lost she’d have to pay to replace then you need to follow through with that. Empty threats/ consequences that aren’t followed through don't tend to help children learn and cause problems in the long term.

That said I think £50 is too much for a 12 year old to pay. Presumably that’s for replacing several items - I would maybe just choose one or two of the items with a value of around £20 for her to pay to replace. I think that’s still a lot of money for a 12 year old and will help teach responsibility without expecting too much.

How is a 12 year old paying?

If it s pocket money it s parents money anyway.

Get her to do chores for £5/10 a pop and use that money? Teaches her that people work for the money for these things and parent A isn't made a liar while also not taking the small amount she may have

I'd buy new kit in September, as you'd be buying new now anyway, but any losses from here on in, she either goes without or pays half.

My 12yo left her PE kit in the school cloakroom over Feb half-term and returned to find it gone.

For a first "offence" I replaced it at my own cost. I also instructed that although I did not necessarily blame her for it going missing, experience has now shown that the cloakroom is not a safe place for her kit, and so it now either needs to be kept with her, or locked in her locker, even though this is miles away from the changing room. IMO this means it really shouldn't go missing again, and I've warned her that I may ask for a contribution if it does.

If you've been similarly clear in your expectations then I think a contribution is reasonable if she has an allowance that can be used.