AIBU to make DD pay for replacement PE kit?

[RainbowSparkles]

DD1 (12) has lost half of her PE kit, replacing it will cost approximately £50.

Parent A wants DD to pay for the replacement kit as they have lost equipment over the year which parents have paid replace and DD was told she would need to pay to replace the next thing that she lost.

Parent B doesn't want DD to pay to replace these items as they say we don't know if the items still fit DD and we probably would've been replacing them anyway.

Would Parent A be unreasonable to make DD pay to replace the items?

If she’s a repeat offender I’d make her pay half, my DD is in S3, think that’s Y9? If they don’t have kit they get a negative referral on their record, so she knows its her responsibility to have the proper items not mine. They need to learn to organise themselves and if they don’t then there will be consequences.

If she only had to get the items from locker to classroom to home, unless it’s something tiny (socks maybe) it does suggest someone might have taken it off her. Where do YOU think the things are?

Would Parent A be unreasonable to make DD pay to replace the items?

Yes! Comes with the territory of having kids!

With my DD I buy everything good quality to last. If she loses something or breaks something I will replace it the first time but if she loses it again or it breaks due to misuse it gets replaced with a cheaper/basic/unbranded version and if she wants it to be replaced like for like then she has to pay the difference. So last year she had a £35 branded backpack for school because she asked for it as part of her birthday present. In February it broke because she was constantly swinging it round and her and her friends were always grabbing/pulling each other by their bag straps even after I told her that it would break if they continued. Because it broke from misuse I gave DD a budget of £15 to buy a new one and if she wanted the same bag then she had to use her savings for the other £20.

OP could you do a similar thing and either replace everything with the basics and your DD pays the extra to "upgrade" or you replace the essentials (trainers/top/shorts or skirt/tracksuit) and she has to pay to replace any extras?

I taught for decades. Bullies often steal PE kit. Replace it, don’t punish her. Life is hard enough.

How much pocket money does she get? Does £50 represent a week, a month, a year?

I also think parents are much more zero tolerance of girls doing this. It’s often seen as “boys will be boys” some kind of Just William cuteness when they do it. So if people are enforcing these rules on their daughters please make sure you’re doing the same to your sons. Maybe it’ll help dispel some of the “where is my pen?” Etc behaviour from partners on the annoying partners thread!

Children losing things is part and parcel of parenting ffs and it's the parents responsibility to replace it.Some kids lose lots and some none.

She's at secondary school and even my extremely careful daughter lost several items of pe kit with no idea how things just vanished.

She’s 12, children lose things? I don’t agree with this at all, I never did. I looked after my things because I knew I’d be in deep shit if I didn’t and they wouldn’t be replaced.

I have friends as adults who still lose things to this day, it’s a valuable lesson to learn the consequences of losing things- especially as this isn’t the first occasion. If half the uniform is there and half isn’t, it simply hasn’t been respected and looked after has it.

I agree with parent A, you can’t make a threat and not follow through.

I’m with parent B

If they were definitely in school on the last day, have you checked that they haven't ended up in lost property?

Get it in a bigger size with her name embroided on it. Lots of places offer this service. How would she pay? She's only 12?! If it were halfway through the year I would be annoyed but not at the end of the year. As she would have outgrown it anyhow.

@melj1213 I really like your thinking, what an excellent strategy to adopt. I will be doing the same when mine grow older.

She should st least contribute towards replacement so she learns about the value of things

I think you need to follow through and your update sounds reasonable.

Beautiful3 I was thinking the same.

Replace with bigger size. Get the plastic melt type labels that seem pretty permanent.

The old kit is likely to turn up eventually.

I had this years ago and it turned out my sons PE kit had been purposely slung behind fixed lockers due to bullies.
He hadn't lost it himself. It was returned two years later when the caretakers were re-fitting the lockers for maintenance.

I'm so glad I replaced the kit, he wasn't at fault at all. Ours was an eye watering amount as it was all emblems and strict requirements.

My son is notoriously bad for forgetting and losing things, I’ve already told him he must look after his PE kit when he gets to secondary school or he will be replacing it.

Ds1 was a chronic loser of things (that he could then never rediscover) right up until the point we started charging him for replacements. 1 jumper, 1 watch and 1 pr of gloves later he can not only take good care of his things, he can suddenly find the things he's mislaid in lost property. Amazing.

Your update sounds fair. DD1 has been pretty good about looking after things at secondary school but was told from the outset that items that were lost as a result of her neglect would need to be replaced by her. We didn't mind if that was by getting something from the secondhand pile of freebies at school or if she used her own money but that we wouldn't be funding it. To date (about to start Y10) she has only lost her jumper and she used £17 of her own money to buy a new one. It was lost because she tied it round her waist instead of putting it in her bag and it fell off, in the dark, on the way home from a school event. She'd already been told by the adult she was with to put it in her bag .

Crazy this is even a question

How can a 12 year old pay £50 for a PE kit that was most likely going to be replaced anyway. She’s only 12 and hardly like she’s working ??

I mean kids loose things...

Just buy a new one.

How can a 12 year old pay £50 for a PE kit
Over time, in kind, i.e. chores not money?

I mean kids loose things...
Sure. But OP's kid has lost a few things, & has previously been told that the NEXT thing (i.e. this kit) she lost, she'd have to pay for.

She is adamant that she brought the kit home and that I must have put it away in one of my cleaning sprees, so she has searched the whole house trying to find it but it isn't here.
She has now text every WhatsApp group on her phone asking if anyone has picked it up by accident.
She immediately accepted that she needs to pay to replace the 2 items that she has lost before but asked to have time to find it first, She has until tomorrow as that was when we were going shopping anyway.
I suspect it will turn up in lost property when she goes back to school but she can't risk not having her PE kit on the first day back as they are highly likely to either have an inspection or have PE.

She can pay for it from the money her grandparents have given her for doing chores for them, PIL will agree with this as they understand that we are trying to teach our DC the importance of looking after their things and about the value of money.

Can she buy it from school second hand shop. That is what we do with dd. Cheaper than new and puts some money in to PTA. She couldn't afford new but accepts that it is her responsibility. So far has only been bits of PE kit.

Kids lose stuff. It's your bloody responsibility to ensure she has kit. You're being ridiculous.