AIBU to make DD pay for replacement PE kit?

[RainbowSparkles]

DD1 (12) has lost half of her PE kit, replacing it will cost approximately £50.

Parent A wants DD to pay for the replacement kit as they have lost equipment over the year which parents have paid replace and DD was told she would need to pay to replace the next thing that she lost.

Parent B doesn't want DD to pay to replace these items as they say we don't know if the items still fit DD and we probably would've been replacing them anyway.

Would Parent A be unreasonable to make DD pay to replace the items?

I'd make her work it off through extra chores that she normally doesn't do. That's what we do here.

Where, is a 12 year old going the get 50 quid from?..

Based on the lot of responses it depends how much money your DD has! Many 12 year olds don't have £50 and it would take them months to save up.

I think it depends a little on how/why it went missing. If she's been repeatedly careless and warned before, then fine to get her to contribute (in line with the amount of money she actually has). If it's been stolen from school, there may not be a lot she could do about it.

And ... don't necessarily buy a bigger size. DD hasn't grown in since she started secondary (now Year 9).

I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time.but tell her in no uncertain terms that the next thing she looses she has to replace.
She has to learn after all.

Parent A - you already told her she would have to replace further lost items.
However, I think a contribution rather than £50 (which I assume she doesn't even have) would be more appropriate - an amount which will sting and encourage her to take more care with her stuff.

My DS lost loads of stuff in his first year at secondary. Once he started having to contribute towards replacing it, he soon took more care.

Or @SayOohLaLa maybe the child is Scottish and already back at school and lost the pe kit there? Replacing it in September wouldn't be any use then.

I'd compromise on half if the kit was going to be too small. She can do chores for the cost

unless she makes a regular habit of it, YABU.

She's 12, they lose shit... you're her parents, you replace stuff.

I'd order some labels with her name and your mobile number. That way it stands vague chance of making it back

Not everyone replaces kit in September just because it is a new term.

As this seems to be a regular occurrence I would ask for a contribution and also go through with her what she does with her kit at school to try and reduce the risk of losing it again.

Has she looked in lost property?

I have always said I replace for the first loss, then they pay.

they have lost equipment over the year which parents have paid replace and DD was told she would need to pay to replace the next thing that she lost.

If this has already been established then she needs to pay. Don't get into the habit of threatening stuff like this and not following through. You'll be making a rod for your own back.

Would Parent A be unreasonable to make DD pay to replace the items?

NO

Parent B is shifting goalposts & being inconsistent.
Parent B is (i hope unwittingly) engineering a situation where DD does not need to take her parents at their word.

That's poor form in terms of discipline ...
& sodding outrageous form in demonstrating that DD is unable to trust that when her parents tell her things, she can believe them.

It's less about the costs of the kit (altho it's important she also learn this as part of care/budgeting/etc/drone, blah) - far more about teaching DD she can respect your word, trust your word, rely on your word.

Parent B needs a swift kick up the arse, frankly.

This is isn't a first offence she has lost items during the year. Two of which she has lost again.
She had to clear her locker out on the last day of term which was a half day. They did not have lessons so the items did not leave the form room all morning so no excuses there.
She isn't being bullied, she would tell me or DH.
No SEN.
All PE kit has to have their names embroidered on the front and trainers, football boots etc have to have their names written inside, they are inspected randomly once a month by the PE teachers.
She has money saved up for doing chores for her grandparents so she could pay that way or pocket money.

I am parent A but I do see that £50 is unreasonable so I am going to get her to replace the two items that she has lost for the second time which will be around £15.

I will sit her down and explain again that we will only be replacing any lost items once and she will have to replace them if she loses them again.

Maybe go halves £25 is still a lot of money for a child and it still sends a message

Are things definitely getting lost?

She isn't being bullied and having her things stolen, but too afraid to say anything?

As you were - I didn't realise there was a second page to the thread with bullying mentioned as not applicable.

& as to affordability for a 12 year old - wot @LemonPrism said is perfect:

Get her to do chores for £5/10 a pop and use that money? Teaches her that people work for the money for these things and parent A isn't made a liar while also not taking the small amount she may have

That sounds very fair - to get her to pay the £15

I'd be tempted to let it go, but since she's already been told she has to pay for the next item lost I think you need to stick to this. I think I'd probably get her to do extra jobs to earn it as that's an awful lot of money for a 12 year old.

She isn't being bullied, she would tell me or DH

Many parents think this, but many children do not unfortunately. Not saying she's being bullied, just don't assume that she would tell you if she was.

For those pps who say pay for it this time and if it goes missing tell her she will have to pay to replace...You have already done this!!
There is absolutely no point in threatening her that she would have to pay if you don’t carry it through.

However £50 is a lot of money, so buy the next size up and tell her that, as she may have grown out of some of the missing items you will go halves with her this time. Make it clear though that, if she loses any of her kit again, next time she will have to pay the full cost herself.

You need to follow through on what you'd told her OP. The solution in your update sounds very fair.

1. and DD was told she would need to pay to replace the next thing that she lost.

2. I will sit her down and explain again that we will only be replacing any lost items once and she will have to replace them if she loses them again

Why are you doing 2), @RainbowSparkles, when you have already done 1) ?

I'm not having a go or trying to be all draconian - but if you don't maintain the statement you gave her in 1), why is she going to believe you when you tell her 2) now applies instead?

isn't she just more likely to think "oh yeah, mum's said that before but she doesn;t eally mean it" ...?

& as Lemon suggested - you don't have to actually nick £50 out of her pocket. But I think you DO have to demonstrate to her that she needs to do £50-worth of chores over whatever period.
And if you DO choose the chores-method, she also gets to learn about the value of money & work ethics. Because when she quite naturally kicks back & moans about the chores, you can kindly point out that you feel like moaning about work too sometimes, but where des she think the £50 came from to pay for the original kit in the first place?