Advice on line managing difficult people

[Unusualusernames]

I'm having a very tough time at work with one particular person I'm line managing. I'm very new the role and was bought in from outside to run a very small team.

One of the people I line manage is absolutely obnoxious. I've worked for 30 years and I'm honestly hard pressed to think of anyone I've worked with who is so aggressive and confrontational for no reason.

I have tried speaking very calmly and behaving in a kind way towards her because I empathise with the fact that it's difficult to have a new manager who has a different style to the old (the old one used to shout at people and get very angry). I try to deal with absolutely anyone I encounter in life with kindness but I am utterly at the end of my tether with this person.

This culminated yesterday in a day of her challenging me continually including shouting at me because she couldn't find an envelope which was in front of, challenging the fact that I had allocated her work (which she should be doing). In the end I probably wrongly got into a confrontation with her where I told her firmly to stop speaking to me aggressively.

I have assessed her work load, she is not over worked. She has upset other members of staff by speaking to them, frankly like shit and she has reduced a service user to tears with her aggressive tone.

I have asked for a meeting with my manager next week, who is already aware of some of her various issues, separately from me.

In the meantime has anyone got any tips for getting through today? Of dealing with this person in general. Right now I'm finding it quite overwhelming.

Make sure you are writing down all instances of her unprofessional behaviour so that they are on record when you approach HR. Have you already tried sitting with her in a one to one meeting and asking her what’s going on and why she is unhappy etc? If you have sat and spoken to her and tried to resolve any issues and she is still being difficult and rude, you need to meet with HR to put some kind of disciplinary process in place. Definitely speak to her away from her colleagues though first.

It sounds like there is a huge issue with her conduct, which is the issue you need to be addressing.

Instead of thinking about how to appease this person, think about the effect her behaviour is having on everyone else who is subjected to her terrible conduct. You have a duty of care to them as well.

Your post comes across as if you think you are failing somehow because she is behaving like this. Try and see that the issue is hers, not yours - you don't need to accommodate her shitty behaviour, rather she needs to wind her neck in and behave professionally.

She may very well have an issue health wise life wise etc etc, but she still needs to act professionally.

I advise on these kind of issues for a living. Initially I'd recommend behavioural coaching where you'd meet with the individual to give feedback and suggest improvements using company behavioural standards/ framework to structure the conversation.
If that didn't work, I'd suggest a behavioural action plan (like a performance action plan but behaviour based) with objective measures/timescales to improve.
If that didn't work it would be progression to the disciplinary or capability procedure.

Yes you will possibly get grievance/going off sick with stress/other kickback. But we dont let that stop us, just deal with it and keep going.

HR and PIP or disciplinary. She should t be aggressive to you and if she isn’t doing her job...

With regards to today, you sound as though you are handling it as best you can. Document all the behaviour. Diffuse but don’t minimise instances of poor behaviour.

You’ve got it.

You need to manage her OP or else your performance as a manager will be called into question. Do you have a HR department?

This is indicative of an organisational problem. Everyone will have already known about this before you started. She didn't just start acting like this. Yet she's still there--why?

And why did the last manager leave?

Before taking an steps you need to ensure that you have upper management entirely on your side. Someone's been letting her get away with this for ages. Maybe because she's a super high performer or maybe because she's litigious and they're afraid of her.

But you need to understand that and get everyone onside before you act, or else it will blow up in your face.

Or yu could leave!

I agree with @Isleepinahedgefund - try to remember it's them not you if it gets overwhelming. It doesn't sound like anything you've done - you're doing the right things by staying calm and talking about it. Maybe they want to get a rise out of you if the old boss was shouty? I would definitely ask your manager and HR for advice. I'm not sure I'd use a 'behaviour plan' though - that would make me feel a lot like a child. (I don't really believe in them for kids either!) I'd suggest trying to get to the bottom of the issue instead - why is this person so angry/rude etc? Do they need outside help? Do they hate the job? Do they not know this isn't acceptable behaviour? Equally don't put up with it though - they shouldn't treat people like this!

Hope this makes sense, sometimes managing people is really hard work!

Also yes definitely document everything

I used to manage a fairly large team (recently moved over as a specialist into another area) and had a similar issue. The individual in question was just plain bloody difficult.

It was resolved in the end, but it had to be formal. I spoke to my line manager and took advice on being 100% correct on policy and procedure.

I called a meeting with said person and detailed the issues (make sure you have detailed notes on the behaviour, timed and dated) with my line manager present for the purposes of being a witness to what happened in the meeting. I ran the meeting and had agreed with my manager that they would say nothing unless I wanted them to. My opening line was why I had called the meeting and asked why they were like they were, they didn't have much to say. I told them the impact they were having on the immediate team and the wider areas of the section and it was not acceptable. They were put on an immediate 3 month improvement plan with a 2 weekly "check in" with me. If in that time the behaviour deteriorated further, it would be deemed gross misconduct and the formal process for this would kick in. If during this time and up to the end there was no improvement, the same would apply.

Complete warning shot that would have been followed through to the end. They kept their head down and things improved.

You need to accept that to manage her you are going to upset her. Get everything documented, not just with her though but with everyone you manage otherwise you are singling her out. In your supervision, you need to give her a specific example and ask her to reflect on her behaviour and how it impacts on others. Document that you gave her an opportunity to ask her help and support and to identify areas that she us struggling with.

I think that longer term, this will be more of a case of evidencing what you have tried to do to support her to improve and watching your own back than her changing how she behaves.

I wouldn't wait but see HR straight away and find out how to start performance management of this person.

What @PhilCornwall1 said is what I came on to say, you need to formalise it to either shock them into behaving or to start the long process towards getting rid of them.

People like this only behave this way at work when they are allowed to get away with it, stick to your guns op.

You have to be very specific in dealing with her. Sometimes it works better if you have a separate meeting. Give advance warning of the meeting. Let her air her views and go through specific incidents with her, setting out the impact on you.

Are you in the public sector? Is there w risk of redundancy? History of disciplinary action?

Absolutely involve HR and stick to the word of relevant policies even if you feel Iike giving her slack (it will be used against you if you don't). Good luck.

Don’t feel you need to make allowances for them, you being a new manager from outside is irrelevant. If she shouts at you you should speak to her about that immediately, say very clearly you’re not accepting it, either at you or any of the team.
Deal with this quickly now, or it will take too much time from your other objectives.
Good luck. You’re going to improve a lot of people’s working days if you can crack this!

I was about to respond but @CloudsCanLookLikeSheep has summed it up perfectly (and is, I'm guessing, an HR professional) so nothing to add except one statement that my own HR Director told me over 30 years ago: Managers should not be afraid to manage. Company policies and employment law are there to protect managers if things are done properly.

Managing people can be really hard.i have been in similar situations over the years.
You have had some good advice already and use your manager.
My mantra is always that work is not "real life", real life begins at 5. It helps a little.

Also, tackle it head on this morning. Either send her an email now saying you'd like a chat first thing, or nab her as you/she arrives. Don't give her a chance to start behaving badly, you need to be firm from the outset that her behaviour is impacting on the rest of the team and the business and won't be tolerated - but that you are happy to work with her to resolve any issues she may have. Do you happen to know if she applied for your job?

"I called a meeting with said person and detailed the issues (make sure you have detailed notes on the behaviour, timed and dated) with my line manager present for the purposes of being a witness to what happened in the meeting"

I don't think that's very fair. You brought in a more senior manager, but gave the employee no option of bringing a colleague or trade union rep. I know you don't legally have to as it wasn't a disciplinary, but it wasn't a fair meeting was it?

Whilst I agree with previous posts regarding potential performance management processes I would first hold an informal meeting to try and establish if there are any underlying issues.

I’ve come across numerous occasions where this sort of behaviour has been as a result of mental health, stress/depression or other illnesses such as early stages of dementia so I would alsways want to establish if there was any support the individual needed first to try and turn things around and to start any conversations from a place of concern rather than disciplinary.

I'm going through this with a colleague. The way she and another colleague speak to people especially me, is awful. After 4 years of continual abuse, I can't handle it any more and had a breakdown at work. I'm now signed off sick with stress. Before you say it's not that bad, try dealing with it day in and day out. It's wearing and horrid.

Firstly document everything

Get HR involved and I would start 2 processes - one around the capability to do the job if she feels
She’s over worked and isn’t, and the other a disciplinary process around her conduct

I’ve come across numerous occasions where this sort of behaviour has been as a result of mental health, stress/depression or other illnesses

^this. I’ve had similar and it’s actually very daunting to deal with, especially where HR are woefully equipped to deal with it. In our case the person felt they had to continue working as it was the only thing they had going for them but they were not performing anywhere near to the standard necessary. Once it was highlighted, they lashed out considerably.

In the end they were made redundant on medical grounds but it was horrific.

I also line manage a very difficult person who has waved goodbye to many team members and a senior manager. I was a new manager when I took them over and it took me a few months to figure out what to do.

Make sure you document absolutely everything. Know your policies inside out. Start them on either a capability (wouldn't work in my field as hr would not back this up🙄) or disciplinary. There is no point at all in dancing around this, it is historic behaviour and is the cultural norm at your workplace.

Stick to specific timescales, act straight away on anything you need to action. Keep in touch with HR throughout the process.

You need to let this person know you are serious, you need to show the team you take their well being seriously and will not stand any messing.

My staff member would now be described as a pain in the arse but not disruptive and doesn't overstep the mark any more.

Good luck.

@Gwenhwyfar don't assume. That person was given the opportunity, as per HR guidelines. I'm not going to quote chapter and verse in the post, but the choice was given.