Advice on line managing difficult people

[Unusualusernames]

I'm having a very tough time at work with one particular person I'm line managing. I'm very new the role and was bought in from outside to run a very small team.

One of the people I line manage is absolutely obnoxious. I've worked for 30 years and I'm honestly hard pressed to think of anyone I've worked with who is so aggressive and confrontational for no reason.

I have tried speaking very calmly and behaving in a kind way towards her because I empathise with the fact that it's difficult to have a new manager who has a different style to the old (the old one used to shout at people and get very angry). I try to deal with absolutely anyone I encounter in life with kindness but I am utterly at the end of my tether with this person.

This culminated yesterday in a day of her challenging me continually including shouting at me because she couldn't find an envelope which was in front of, challenging the fact that I had allocated her work (which she should be doing). In the end I probably wrongly got into a confrontation with her where I told her firmly to stop speaking to me aggressively.

I have assessed her work load, she is not over worked. She has upset other members of staff by speaking to them, frankly like shit and she has reduced a service user to tears with her aggressive tone.

I have asked for a meeting with my manager next week, who is already aware of some of her various issues, separately from me.

In the meantime has anyone got any tips for getting through today? Of dealing with this person in general. Right now I'm finding it quite overwhelming.

I'm a bit late to this, but I'm predicting that she was quite challenging and belligerent today, waiting to be pulled up again!

To be that aggressive does hint at some health problems tbh, but that is nothing you can tackle because it is down to them. It would be worth checking with HR if they have asked for any adjustments in the past.

Don't let your manager fob you off either - this is the person no-one wants to tackle (well, they want you to tackle them actually) but you'll need backup.

Action should have been taken when they reduced a service user to tears. I do think some kind of plan is called for here, get backup from HR (if you have them) to implement and regularly monitor progress on it - and despite today's predicted front-it-out attitude, be prepared for them to go off sick if put on a plan. Bear that possibility in mind and build it in!

Courage, mon brave! I hope today has gone better - I'd like to think that they were apologetic but I doubt it!

Just checking in to see if you've been back. Also as a pp suggested, occupational health reports will assist you if needed, if they mention stress, mental health, can't cope, fire off a referral.

If this behaviour has been going on a while, then you're basically gathering ammunition. As I said before, HR all the way, stay within policies and document everything, phone calls with times, emails with times etc. For formal meetings they should be offered union (if a member)or other support (your HR will advise this anyway) so some meetings will have invites sent 5 days or so in advance, sometimes this can be a blessing as they may give them a right good talking to and warn them how serious a situation they are in.

Play it a absolutely by the book. Document everything. Keep your manager in the loop.

With people like this (chronic underperformers) you often get mounting hysteria and mud slinging as they realise they're lack of productivity is being consistently challenged. If you put her on capability, she'll probably get signed off w stress and say you're bullying her. You just have to keep going rather than back off. The reason they persist in companies is that no one can face the stress of dealing with them.

Came back to see if any update and tbh this thread has left me feeling really quite sad at the attitudes in the workplace.

The vast majority of people don’t intend or set out to be difficult, unkind etc. It’s usually as a result of something else whether that be stress, depression, other MH issues or a hidden illness which even the individual might not yet be aware of.

Really wish that people would try and establish if any of those issues are in play before they write off a colleague/team member as someone they need to just ‘get rid of’.

On a personal note, my MIL has been awkward and difficult to be around for the last few years. Turns out she has dementia and lots of her issues are down to her just not being able to read other people very well anymore combined with a decreasing awareness that what she may be thinking isn’t always very polite and doesn’t always need saying out loud. I would hate to think she was just written off as an old bag and disciplined out of her job by some over enthusiastic new manager.

Dorsetdays- yes it’s important to establish the facts. But illness or any kind of mental health issues are never an excuse for rude, belligerent bullying behaviour in the workplace.

With the situation i described upthread, the woman in question disclosed that she had depression and I think she believed that was a ‘get out’ card which justified her appalling behaviour.

Ultimately everyone has a right to work in a safe environment free from abuse and bullying. If someone’s health means that they honestly can’t remain within the parameters of the company policies then it’s not a case of them being chased out of the job. They simply should not be in it any more anyway.

I had a rude and dismissive member of staff whose entire objective was to gain an audience with how unreasonable I was being in asking her to do her job. Turned up late, overran lunches etc.. The clients were complaining and asking for different account managers and it became impossible. At my wits end, after having tried just about every approach, I was advised, by an hr professional, not in our business, to respond exactly as a parent would to their child.
Make it clear what you want them to do by a given time.
Pick your battles.
Pick them up on their negative behaviour/comments by telling them that you want them to stop, now, as it is not acceptable or appropriate behaviour in this environment.
Do not use emotional language or tone.
If they moan about being given work, ask them whether they can't do it or don't want to do it. If can't, offer to show them again. If won't, remind them that as a member of the admin etc team, this is their role.
Keep a pleasant but slightly detached demeanour and use your assertive voice.
I only included her if she behaved, complemented her if she did well, praised her if she delivered early and passed on thanks if mentioned by clients.
If she behaved, she saw the sunshine. If she disrupted, she saw the ice.
It took three weeks for her to see the light.....after months of hell. She requested to change teams as our relationship was damaged. Her new manager had watched the whole thing and thought I had been unfair, cold and over tough. Exactly one month to the day after she moved, her new manager was asking me for advice on how to stop her bad behaviour!

Celaeno. Clearly inappropriate behavior in the workplace should be dealt with. The issue here is that the way you would deal with for example MH issues as the underlying cause should be very different to how you deal with deliberate antagonism or bullying

Therefore the first course of action should be to establish what could be causing any issues before jumping straight to formal performance management procedures as so many posters on here seem to suggest.

Jamie. And for any HR professional to actively suggest you adopt a classic parent/child relationship in a business environment indicates they need some retraining....

Part of formal procedures would be demonstrating informal meetings beforehand to try to pinpoint any problems and iron them out.

If it's not stress via overwork or a personal issue it's time for HR meeting for all (with a written doc of examples, timed & dated). Then it shoukd be a verbal warning after she's received written confirmation of behaviour expectations that she reads then & there & agrees to.

I have been in this situation more than once.

For getting through today, or by now, tomorrow, just try to keep your calm and document it, take a break when you need to. See if you can set up a meeting for a few days time.

I recommend that you have the meeting with a witness, You should be using this to give the person an opportunity to explain why things are going off the rails. Be open to their reasons, they may have an issue at home or whatever or have a health problem that is causing them to not be in control at work. Be clear in your descriptions of events eg “on Monday afternoon you loudly accused X of being incompetent in front of others” then the impact “I believe x was rightly very upset by this” then what you want to happen in future. Explain that this is an informal meeting and you care about their welfare and their success at work as you do with all employees.

Regardless of the reasons for their behaviour other colleagues and you deserve to be protected from poor conduct in the workplace. If it continues follow the formal process to the letter.

I have found that in terms of documenting things, writing an email that summarises the conversation BEFORE the meeting helps me to structure the meeting and get everything I need said, I then adjust it and send it after.

Don’t mix conduct and capability (ie not getting through work) in one meeting. A meeting can cover just one or a small number of incidents don’t bite off more than you can chew by rolling up with a huge list.

Do let the person talk in the meeting, let them explain what is happening from their point of view, but do not shy away from describing events as you witnessed them and setting out your expectations clearly.

Only act as per the above if you have strong support from above - and good luck.

If you were the one being shouted at you could raise a grievance and then the organisation would have to discipline her about the behaviour. Make sure that the company culture is open to tackling the problem first though, otherwise as others have said you need to deal with it exploring underlying factors first and then behaviour and performance management

So as other people have already suggested, keeping a record is a good idea.

In the meantime, all you can do is be assertive with them. E.g. "I understand that you are frustrated because of x, y and z, however, I have asked you to do X because I need Y." And then offer a compromise or some way to meet in the middle.

So tell them how you need it to happen, but listen to them first with empathy.

The best way to deal with aggressive people is to be assertive with them. Aggressive with aggressive will just result in fireworks and being passive will just mean they get their own way.

Normally aggressive people are being aggressive because they are fearful or insecure, so being empathetic may really help (which is not easy when they are just being an arse).

Good luck! Hope it all works out ..

Figmentofmyimagination- thanks for your recommendation. I am a new manager and don’t have many ideas about such things. Have you ever been on an ACAS training course and was it good?

Bump

I’ve come across numerous occasions where this sort of behaviour has been as a result of mental health, stress/depression or other illnesses such as early stages of dementia so I would alsways want to establish if there was any support the individual needed first to try and turn things around and to start any conversations from a place of concern rather than disciplinary.

I agree, especially since the previous manager was a shouty type. She may be volatile because she's used to working in an environment that was toxic, and hasn't readjusted. I was on a team where a deputy manager (who didn't line manage me, thank god) was an absolute bully. She caused so much stress and upset that everyone was perpetually on edge.

What type of service user @Unusualusernames? Please dont say a vulnerable adult