Do be disappointed that this is it?

[Lily2811]

I feel like I'm beginning to realise that life is basically just 60 - 80 years of working really hard all week and then occasionally seei g friends or family. It literally just feels like one big full cycle of eating, working and sleeping. And housework. I don't know what else I was expecting, just feel disappointed and a bit sad that this is it.

Case in point, some of the replies. Some people are mean and rude and get actual pleasure and contentment from it. To each their own. Mid 20's gives you so much time to find contentment. I truly believe that it is a mindset. I wish I could give you yhe way to be happy, but you can find it on your own, and you'll have too. Assuming it's not a chemical imbalance, and that's a huge assumption, you're all ready ahead of the game. Also I am not advocating meds or no meds with regard to chemical depression. I know some people have excellent results. I personally don't, and it kind of sucks but there are absolutely natural remedies to try as well, exercise being one of the most effective, along with vitamins and clean eating for the most part. Not dieting per se, but if you really get enjoyment from junky foods, try limiting it to a day or meal and making sure you're getting proper vitamins (vitamin D especially)

In my 20's I went out to bars and clubs, had a great time, and wouldn't have been ready for children until I was 30+, but then when I was it just wasn't the right time for me.

I met my husband at 36, married him 2 years later, and we now have an almost 2 year old. I'm 44.

I started my own business 4 years ago at 40.

Don't compare yourself to anyone else (if you are), do what's right for you!
If you don't like your life as it is then make changes. You are the only one who can do that.

Look at things you do enjoy, and make more effort to do them. Make more effort with friends, even if you are tired. Change your work pattern or look for qualifications you can do to get a better job.
These are all things you can change.

I get that sometimes it's just too much effort to go out or you're tired, I'm the same, but once I'm out or make those changes then I have fun!

I don’t think life has any deep meaning and the drudgery is right! But I am grateful that I live in a society where I am not adding ‘stay alive’ as a daily struggle (having enough water food etc)

I love my life that said, everyone is on the same treadmill but I adore the people in my life and take joy from them. I love music and travel and my husband to be....it might just be a fleeting irrelevant life in the scheme of things but I am glad it is mine

I have had some very interesting jobs but the only time I really enjoyed work was when I was working freelance and taking what work I wanted to. Now I am in a reasonably well paid job where i don't have to do much and I feel it is a real imposition. I've decided to retire in 2 years 2 months time ( aged 65 and I'm really looking forward to it.

If you're struggling with the treadmill of life in your 20s with no kids, wait until your 30s or 40s with a couple of kids and the increased money pressure, plus the gradual onset of health problems for your parents

I don’t know, it depends on the person I think. I have far more stresses and reasons to feel bad in my life now than when I was younger, yet my life is better despite that. I felt depressed and nothing bad that happens now ever compares to how I felt in that period.

OP do you think that you just can't see anything for tiredness because of work? Can you take holidays and do something bonkers? Is there a hobby or sport you could try? I've felt like you've felt but it was passing thank goodness. You're so young, y o u honestly can have the world at your feet- travel, a new hobby, just some pamper time!!

Hi Lily it’s actually good to see you life like this as it’s telling you things need to change. I felt like this in my late 20s - I left my northern town and moved to London to do nursing. Those where the days you got a bursary so my job in the north paid £5000 a year and my nursing bursary was £100 per week.
It was the best thing I ever did.
You somehow need to add variety to your life, simple things like going a different way to work, trying new food, taking up a hobby.
Good luck.

Are you working really hard to put food on the table or is it the type of job itself that requires a lot of work? If the latter, could you look at changing careers? It may pay less well but you would have more free time to discover and do more enjoyable things.

I remember when I got my first job, I thought I would have so much free time in the evening now that I wouldn't have to write essays/do reading,etc so it was a bit of a shock to realise those evenings actually go quite fast! I got used to it though and make sure I organise some me-time on a regular basis. Of course your situation may be completely different from mine...

You could . . . . marry for money and retire early if you want to

The quarter life crisis is surprisingly common - young people who had been told if they just focus at school/uni/first few years into a career, it'd be great, suddenly realising the career that they plumped for, often without really understanding what it entailed, doesn't suit their personality/the life they want to live, so they've only got a few years to shift to something else, and still have time to be established in that new career without it being too late to change.

So many friends went back to uni to do different post grad courses or started completely different careers at 26/27. Now we are in our early 40s, those early changers aren't that far off where they would have been earnings wise if they'd planned that career from 18, but are far happier than others who slogged away with careers that they knew at 25 didn't suit them.

Take the risk OP, just because you thought a Healthcare career would be right for you, doesn't mean it is. I bet you picked that when still a teen, it's ok to decide you want to do something else with your life.

If you want to stay in healthcare, it's ok to say not working for the NHS or even in this country. It's ok to start again elsewhere. This is the perfect time to give it a go.

can you take some time off and really think about what you enjoy and how you could reassess your career path?

...or failing that, go hang out with some rich single blokes and try the whole marrying for money thing?

marry for money and retire early if you want to

Ha ha, how can that be advice for a happy life?

I'm not at all surprised you feel this way, OP. I'm also unsurprised - though irritated - by PP telling you to 'do what you love' or 'save up and go round the world.' They will be the ones relatively established in their careers, or married to people who are, or funded by wealthy parents.

The prospects for people in their 20s are horrible at the moment. The majority see no way they will be able to afford to buy a home, they are generally getting paid shit money and have few employment rights; the news is full of the fact that everyone will now have to work until they are 75; the environment is in a catastrophic mess, and global fascism is advancing at a terrifying rate. The whole 'just work hard and you'll get your reward' is now so blatantly meaningless that it's hard to take anyone parroting it seriously.

I echo othes6who say try to do what you enjoy when you are younger. We didn't. Spent years and years being skint, though that eased a little as kids got older Ns mortgage went down etc but still no fancy holidays ever for us.

Then id 50s, mortgage paid, no debt we made plans to buy a canal boat, and whomp! My mum develops dementia, FIL leukaemia, MIL just frail and week - our weekends are now taken up with going what we can for them . We are knackered though. No weekends along the canal routes of Britain for us for a while and will likely be too knackered and cant be arsed when the opportunity arises.

Enjoy life. If I was 40 years younger I would do so much differently. If you keep going the way you are, you like WILL be the crappy treadmill. Try to change path now that if you can.

I think mid 20s is bloody tough...you've had years of 'you can be anything' and 'live your best life' BS and now you are stuck paying the bills and slogging.

I have found that the relentless pressure to acheive your goals/dreams etc. decreases as you get older.

I'm finding I get better all the time at finding the fun, the joy, in everyday life as I get older. I'm looking forward to board games tonight, to a bit of netflixing, and I'm still giggling like an idiot at my DDs attempt to read the periodic table this morning (it included the hitherto undiscovered 'borkon', 'sytherin' and 'breakfast').

So basically, while my 20s were pretty miserable and my early 30s were a disaster zone, I'm really much happier now I'm 40!

Welcome to the reality of life.
Make the most of it.

@skiddley Totally hear you and agree with you 100%. Sorry to hear about your family

Firstly I'd like to say thank you to you for doing a job in the NHS that includes so many unsociable hours. Night work and shift work are awful for physical and mental health, those who do it often sacrifice their own wellbeing for the wellbeing of others.

You will easily get depressed without things in life that give you joy. Working different hours to most people, missing out on parties, hobbies that you can do regularly, weddings etc makes it even harder to build up a life around you that contains elements that give you joy. I'd try to focus on what is realistic for you in your current structure but if you are becoming unwell, I'd also think about career change.

OP you sound burnt out. You need to step back a bit. If NHS is making you so unhappy and hemmed in in your twenties, it's time to leave. Find a job that is less draining, that has a career path and gives you clear free time.
Make a list of things you'd love to do. Have a look at bucket lists online to get some inspiration. But also think of small, achievable things, as the online ones all seem to be about spending £££ on swimming with dolphins etc.
Next day off, make the effort, despite exhaustion to do one of the things from your list. Make sure you do one every week or at least two a month. I know people mock them but bucket lists can remind us to get on with some things that make life worth living. Small or large, the effect is the same. I have one on the go, always and get loads of pleasure ticking stuff off. Anything from watching a film I've been meaning to see for years, to baking a new recipe cake to saving up for once-in-a-lifetime trips away. And researching how to get to places on a shoestring.

When people say "its the little things" it is actually true.

Burning a nice candle, buying some fresh flowers, taking an afternoon to just read a good book and sod the housework.

Also getting out into nature. Listening to the sound of the wind through the trees, birds singing, or going to a quiet beach and paddling your feet if it is warm enough, concentrating on the feel of the sand and the water.

It can be very easy to get caught up in the "rat race", especially in your twenties. For me, now early thirties, I think the turning point was around 28/29 when I could see those around me who had solid jobs with good pay who were not really much happier than I was.

Social media is to blame for a lot of it too. The world is a very daunting place when you have access to all of it at once. Taking the time to just slow down and find pleasure in the small things has been the only way I can get through it.

I agree 100% with @skiddley. While you are free, do what you want as often as you can. If you don't have DC you really can do anything. I know people who sold every single thing they owned and moved to Indonesia to live in a hut with just a part time job in the tourist trade to keep them in food and basics.
If you have medical experience, you could apply to work abroad for MSF or the Red Cross. Still challenging, but an adventure.
If you are admin in NHS you could move into corporate sector and increase your money.

I spent my 20s doing what I wanted. I was absolutely broke but happy. It's made settling down to the routine of kids and elderly parents so much easier because i have some great adventures to look back on, and also, I do try to keep having a few adventures each year even now.

eating, working and sleeping

Well, at least two of those things are highly enjoyable. The third can be, or at least not too bad. There is also drinking, which is fantastic. And sex.

The art of loving life is not to look at it as a cycle, rather than a series of happy moments you have had.

We get through each day as best we can, and look forward to making more happy memories along the way, whether it is a once in a lifetime holiday, or a great night with a boxset, in your pj's eating ice cream.

I've spent the last two years being thankful for the little things in life, even stuff like a good cup of tea, or liking how my feet feel in particular socks. I spent years trying to commit suicide, and throw everything away. Now I have a beautiful DD, a warm home (albeit rented) and loving partner. I'm permanently disabled from a functional neurological disorder, and emotionally unstable personality disorder, and hashimotos, so I'm stuck on benefits for the foreseeable future, but I finally don't care. I'm happy with what, and who I have, even if the rest of the world tells me I should want different things.

Find your happy place. It won't happen overnight, but you'll get there. I'm 28 and it's taken me struggling my whole life so far to finally find mines.

Some people are naturally pessimistic and others look on the bright side.

I honestly don't think a thread on here is going to change your outlook. I'm a naturally mindful, appreciative person but I have friends who always focus on the negatives. It can be exhausting listening to them, especially the ones who I think have a pretty nice life!

The day will come when you look back and realize how rich and rewarding your life has been. But for now, just try and focus on the good things in your life. And there are good things.

I remember my 20s as a roller coaster. High highs and low lows. I truly 'came into myself' in my mid-late 30s. My 40s were amazing. My 50s even better. DH and I were lucky enough to retire in our 50s and as we say "We worked all our lives for this!!". We're not rich, but we chose our careers and budgeted so that we would be able to retire, although events allowed us to retire earlier than we thought we would be able to.

If this has been brought on by a particular event or disappointment, remember 'this too shall pass'. If you are truly struggling to find anything good in your life, seek medical help and counseling. Depression is much more prevalent than we know. And if you're feeling this way because of the lives of the people around you, or worse yet celebrities or 'influencers', remember 'comparison is the thief of joy'.

I spent my 20s doing what I wanted. I was absolutely broke but happy. It's made settling down to the routine of kids and elderly parents so much easier because i have some great adventures to look back on, and also, I do try to keep having a few adventures each year even now.

I agree with this. It doesn't have to cost a fortune either. In my 20s I went on lots of city breaks (cheap airlines and cheap accommodation), gigs (music and comedy), I learned to dive (diving board diving so fairly cheap), lots of pub quizzes, cinema on cheap days/ deals, beer and cider festivals, days out in the countryside, camped when we felt like it, days to the beach when we felt like it.

If you want to experience life you have to make an effort to do it. I now have small children, work and not much spare time but I do my best to find time with myself and also do things I enjoy with my children.