To wander round in bra and pants with wet hair?

[Scissor]

Of course I'll drop all the towels I've been using on the floor and leave a half eaten bowl of coagulating cereal next to the sink. Having great fun staying at my daughter's first proper flat and she has a fab sense of humour. What else could I do?

Never use window handles. Simply push windows open by pushing the glass with your greasy fingers.

Send her to the shops with very specific instructions on what type of sanpro to get you (because it's "sooooo embarrassing"). Then go through at least five pairs of knickers overnight and leave at least one pad in your pocket before putting trousers in laundry.

Go out, get pissed, throw up everywhere and then put laundry on to hide evidence at 3am.

Whinge the whole drive to see family, stopping only momentarily when YouTube is put on, but change the video and start again.

Insist on being pushed or carried everywhere.

Cry whenever things aren't going your way.

Cry whenever she leaves the room or talks to someone else.

Apply dinner to face, hands and neck, then howl when she tries to clean you up.

Chase cat round house whilst grinning inanely.

Spit food out when you've had enough.

Throw everything on the floor. Repeatedly.

Randomly fall over when sitting down.

Complain about being tired but refuse to go to sleep.

This is cathartic

Hide all teaspoons, deny knowledge of the existence of teaspoons. When teaspoons have been replaced from shop produce all teaspoons previously hidden - extra points for having used teaspoons for stirring hair dye, paint, cereal.

Put the heating on full. I know it's August, but it's cold in your bra and pants with wet hair.

Then prepare a lecture on climate change to be delivered in your best smug voice, with reminders about how Sophie's mum had solar panels installed for their yurt.

Have fun with bronzing balls. They are really, really good at rolling.

Have "it's not fair" and "why is there never any food in this house " stuck on repeat. Practice stomping upstairs, slamming doors and eye rolling, insist you look hideous when you have spent 2 hours on immaculate hair and make up.

Insist your boss clearly hates you as they give you work and expect to do it and make you wear the hideous appropriate clothing.

Do not ever leave the house before taking numerous selfies.

Don't put your pile of clean laundry away and take things out when needed. When asked to tidy your room put the remainder of the pile back in the wash complete with folded teeshirts still perfectly folded.

Make a microwave chocolate cake in a mug but make sure you scatter sugar, flour and cocoa all over the floor and grind it nicely in to the tiles, then make sure the mixture is splattered all over the microwave and burnt on, oh and leave a few tablespoons coated in cake mix on several surfaces for good measure. For a final flourish, take one bite out of the finished cake, then leave the rest in your bedroom to go mouldy.

Find something in the fridge or breadbin (pain au chocolat, perhaps ) that she's set aside as a treat for herself, and scoff the lot. When she comes looking for it, struggle to rip your eyes away from the TV screen and distractedly confirm that you think that's what you ate.

You’re going to be busy ! Agree with all of the above plus -
Help yourself to some money from her purse and forget to leave an iou.
Break treasured item and then say you didn’t like it anyway so ‘all’s good’.
Ring, drunk, from remote location for lift - preferably around 2am.
Please also complain about all of her food choices when rummaging messily through her cupboards and fridge. Oh - please leave fridge/freezer doors shoe when there.
Have fun !

Open not shoe but you could leave a shoe there too I guess.

Do an Ocado order whilst she's out. Use her credit card. Make sure to order plenty of wine. Cheese. Fruit (don't bother to eat that just leave it to go mouldy in the fruit bowl) To an approximate value of your weekly shop in Aldi for a family of five. Oh and don't forget microwave popcorn. Ensure you cook that in the bag for at LEAST 5 minutes. Like it says on the packet.

Eat a yogurt with a teaspoon and then throw the whole lot, pot AND spoon into the bin and repeat until there are no spoons left.

😡

Borrow her electric shaver without asking, use all the charge up so when she eventually finds it she cant use it

Don't forget to leave it full of tiny bristles!

The fun sponge has arrived i see.

Leave makeup smears in the sink and toothpaste splashes on the mirror.

Use almost all her shampoo and conditioner then moan when there’s not enough for next time.

Go out and get hammered, come home leaving the front door wide open, get a snack from the fridge but leave the fridge door wide open. Watch the telly at full volume and then fall asleep

Borrow money for something you can't live without - then spend it on gin

PinkyPrincessy seriously? Do we need to point out the lightheartedness of this thread. There is always one

Take her make up and toiletries and put them in with your own stuff as if they were always yours
^^ This. But only the expensive stuff from Clinique. Or Clarins.

And if there’s a heat wave, leave your bedroom door and window closed and run every household fan in your bedroom, say you’re too hot to eat dinner and then attack the kitchen like a swarm of locusts at 11pm. If she asks any outrageous questions such as ‘can’t you make the sandwich down here instead of taking the entire contents of the fridge upstairs?’ Respond with huffing about how you wouldn’t need to if there were ever any proper meals. Particularly convincing if you sometimes whip up a complex meal from scratch as an after school snack.

make sure you leave all the kitchen drawers open

Have too much to drink and then start wailing, sobbing, weeping, gulping and hyperventilating about how much you loved a pet that died at least 14 years ago.

This thread is hilarious :-D

Love this, it's all so true.

Lie in bed watching Netflix until 4am, laughing hysterically at the funny bits, surrounded by empty plates and glasses - orange juice in a champagne flute (WTF!), just why?

When your DD puts her head around the door asking you to keep the noise down, stare at her like she's completely out of her mind and as boring as hell to need sleep at such an hour.

If she attempts to take an interest in your life by, say, asking you how your day was, roll your eyes and shout "Oh GOD, why can't you just leave me alone, it was SCHOOL (substitute work here), how do you THINK it was, it's basically PRISON that you FORCE me to go to". Then, when she fails to ask you how your day was tomorrow, tell her that you don't know why she even bothered to have you, since she obviously doesn't give a shit about how you are.