To wander round in bra and pants with wet hair?

[Scissor]

Of course I'll drop all the towels I've been using on the floor and leave a half eaten bowl of coagulating cereal next to the sink. Having great fun staying at my daughter's first proper flat and she has a fab sense of humour. What else could I do?

Of course if she raises any objections when you are following all this advice, just tell her nobody else’s children mind, everyone else’s children let them, and why do you have to have such a boring child.

Invite a load of friends round for a party. Deny having a party. Refuse to answer the question about whose vomit has been found. Days later when she finds pictures of the party in full swing on Facebook clearly in her her kitchen, state it is not a party but a gathering.

Also, if you have lost something, don't forget to ask her where it is, because obviously she has moved it, or at the very least, she is a mind reader and will know for sure where it is. Failing that, she will have to find it because it is needed urgently and you are going out in the next 5 minutes.

Look forward to the lovely dinner that's being cooked, then when it's being dished up, remember that you are late meeting a friend and you will have it warmed up later when you get in.

Leave cupboards and drawers open

Put an open carton of milk under her brand new car seat, (give it a kick to make sure it falls over) and then just shrug your shoulders when she opens the car door and it reeks in there.

Set the ironing board up in the middle of the living room... iron one item... leave iron on & walk away.

While she's out for the evening invite a friend round allow friend to dye your hair luminous pink & give you a hideously uneven trim. In the morning reveal new hair do & refuse to go to work until she's paid £150 to get it fixed at the salon which is conveniently closed on Mondays so you get a bonus day off this one may have been me

Leave enough hair strewn through the flat so that it clogs even the most powerful dyson animal vacuum

Open can of Coke, take 2 mouthfuls & leave on the nearest surface, 5 mins later take another can of Coke from the fridge, take 2 mouthfuls & leave on a different surface, repeat until all cans of Coke have been "drunk" or all available surfaces have been covered... when she goes to get a can for herself & asks where they've gone claim you don't even like fat Coke you only drink diet

Go old-school. Install a landline and a wall-mounted phone with a long curly cable. Lie across the hallway with your bare dirty feet up on the wall, talking for hours to someone you spent all day with. Sigh in great frustration when people step over you or garrotte themselves with the stretched-out cable.

Come home late and leave a malodorous KFC bag crumpled on the kitchen table. Wake twelve hours later and express surprise it's been thrown away, especially as the car keys were in there. Make dramatic retching sounds when asked to go through the kitchen bin, and retire to your bedroom for another twelve hours to recover from this victimisation.

Use all her make up wipes makein sure you flush them down the toliet so it gets blocked. Use her razor

Treem 😂😂😂 perfect

Just reading this thread has made me feel less alone in parenting a teenager! It is truly harrowing at times and I feel bewildered constantly.

You also need to shout loudly if you can’t find an item of clothing even though it is there in front of you hung up!
Complain when clothing left nowhere near washing basket hasn’t been washed!

Tell her in her whole life to list the things she's done for you. It's nothing. Then have a strop as leaving your rubbish everywhere and refusing to help with anything or go anywhere you didn't choose is reasonable. Walk out but remember to take your phone with you.

I literally can’t not wait to do this with my dd

Mine, not even a teenager anymore, leaves random teaspoons in bedroom. No idea why. Should ask.

We have about 36 teaspoons because of this - sofa and beds eat them here. They are too heavy to carry to the sink.

Enjoy being taken out on a day trip but sleep in the car on the way back and refuse to sleep at night. In fact make things interesting by climbing out of bed, going through drawers, shitting yourself and pulling her hair when she tells you to go to sleep!

Pour cereal on the floor, do not pick it up.

Leave your stuff all over the house.

Demand to know why your clothes from yesterday are not clean today.

Balance plates and cups on the edge of furniture.

If it is within 4ft of the bin it is in the bin.

Grunt responses only when forced. Wear your headphones all day and play deaf even if you can hear her.

Stand in doorways and always push through gaps ahead of her even if there is no space.

Have a poop whilst she is in the bath.

Talk about that poop over dinner whilst eating with your mouth open.

Agree what you want for dinner but do not eat it when made. Help yourself to something else.

Make yourself a sandwich but smear butter on the fridge door handle.

Eat crisps really quickly taking lots of minute bites

Complain that her breathing is too loud

If she asks you to do something scream "I'm not your slave"

Act like a 4 year old and pump a full liquid hand wash into the sink every time you go to the loo. When she replaces liquid soap with a bar, fill the sink with water, play with the soap until it's all squishy then squeeze the hell out of it until you get bored then sit it innocently back in the soap dish.

Tell her you have done her a massive favour by washing the kitchen floor then a few months down the line accidentally let slip the reason you did it was because you flooded the kitchen.

Leave filthy, bloody, smelly and used sanpro face up on the edge of the sink, in the middle of the bedroom floor or anywhere really, except the actual bin. Ask for advice and then scream when it is given. Scrutinise her face for blemishes whilst she talks to you and then point them out. Happy Days!!!

Open her fridge door, leave it open, then hang off it (whilst staring aimlessly into it) until it doesn't close properly...... or even more considerately, until it's off it's hinges, and still not put the milk / OJ / butter back in.

Leave your dirty underwear at the foot of your laundry basket, close your bedroom windows and keep them closed for a good fortnight.

Do not rinse any cereal bowl. Be considerate and thoughtful - you know she'll just love sandblasting the crusty mess off.

Make sure your spat out toothpaste goes anywhere on the sink apart from down the plug hole.

Don't eat breakfast or lunch as you're not hungry then order a XL Dominos pizza and ice-cream and eat whole thing by yourself except crust which you leave along with box in room. Lock your room, refuse to clean it as you're not a slave and can't be controlled and its giving into ocd to clean your room ever, scream at anyone who attempts to enter to clean it.

Scream I am never speaking to you ever again then 30 minutes later telling them all the reasons you hate them then return for a 2 hour chat with them as if they are your best friend and nothing previously happened. But if they say anything tell them off for interrupting you.

Run your hand through your very long hair in her shower and smear the fallen hairs on the tiles.
Tell her it’s fine, you’re staying at (made up friends name) house tonight, then excite the dog by coming home at 4am, noisily trying to lock the door, fall up the stairs, play with the dog on the stairs, loudly tel yourself to ‘shhhhh’ and trip over all of things you left lying on the floor earlier.

Me. Circa 2004.