To wander round in bra and pants with wet hair?

[Scissor]

Of course I'll drop all the towels I've been using on the floor and leave a half eaten bowl of coagulating cereal next to the sink. Having great fun staying at my daughter's first proper flat and she has a fab sense of humour. What else could I do?

you’ll obviously want to iron something in an ill-advised panicky rush. It’ll either get covered in melted button/stitching or burn something. Either way, you’ll go out and leave it on, up on your bedroom carpet. If you’re really in a hurry it might be left on and face down.

not that you should really be doing any ironing - that’s what she’s for obvs

Go vegan overnight and heave when she eats meat, or point out that she’s eating chicken period when she’s having an egg mayo sandwich.

Came home from work today only to find DD had gone vegan in the eight hours I'd been out of the house and so couldn't be expected to eat omelette for dinner

Argue with her black is white.
Argue continually with her about staying up later past your bedtime.
Drink the last of the made up diluted squash in the fridge except for 1 cm to avoid having to put yourself out to get some more made up.
Tell her you didn’t notice it had stated to pour with rain which is why you didn’t bring the dry washing in.

Eat all crackers apart from the last half of one to avoid throwing The packaging away. Do this with every food product.

Send her messages asking her to try and get you random items on her way home from work. Item must never be anything likely to be available in the supermarket or a corner shop. When she appears home having failed to source the vital, obscure item, announce you’ve found one on amazon prime and get her to pay, whilst implying it’s the least she could do as your the one that’s going to have to wait till next day for the item you only decided you needed at 4.30pm

She may have hacked into your social media (hmwhats) and horror of horrors may have posted a message on some thread. You need some major SCREAMING if so, plus multiple door slams and the quiet treatment (for around five mins until you need her to make you a cup of tea obvs).

Ooh not sure I have the stamina for 2 am snack wake up but toast crumbs! I can so manage a stealth crumb manicure in the morning

Manoeuvre..😄 .. That is way too funny.. I can't possibly attach toast crumbs.. Maybe honey would work

Guessing someone has already advised that you use every possible tube or pot of product in the bathroom - and under no circumstances put a lid back on.

Ensure that every single garment you ever pick up immediately goes into the wash basket

Never, ever turn a light off.

Ask her to take you shopping, try on a top, say: "I think this is a bit small," and if she says:"Yes, you could probably do with the next size up," shriek: "Whaaa?! So you're saying I'm FAT?! My God!!"

Be horrible and moody all day and if she asks you what is wrong roll your eyes and stomp off. Then wait until she has gone to bed and give her just enough time to go to sleep, before you barge in to her room, sit on the end of the bed, and recount your problems for at least two hours .

I am now utterly reassured that my daughters are, in fact, perfectly normal after all ...

Me too Twillow

@treem that made me really laugh!

Paint your toenails really liberally on a cream carpet, the brighter colour varnish you use the better. And don't forget to spill some as a reminder of your stay. Ooh-and then make a half hearted attempt at cleaning it up by getting some tissues and rubbing it in the varnish. That adds a lovely smeared effect.

Go into her bedroom at 2am and wake her by standing silently in the doorway with your eyes burning into her.

When she has calmed down, tell her you have had a nightmare. Bonus points if it is about something completely harmless like a seashell or next door's cat. Insist on getting into bed with her.

As soon as she is drifting off again, wee all over her legs, abdomen, and the mattress.

Iron something on the floor of the bedroom with a brand new carpet, leave iron on highest setting face down on said carpet then cover the scorch mark with random face cloth size thing saying it's your new rug.

My mum stayed with me once and refused to get out of bed until 1pm - and only then because I had people coming round (I had an open plan flat so she could happily chat and demand more tea from the bed).

My lovely old ma on her first stay at my non smoking flat said she was too old to go up and down several stairs for a cigarette (and she would never smoke on the street anyway) and so she ‘would just blow it out of my kitchen window’. Was bold and firm about it. Miss her dearly now she’s passed away, but the flat is slowly recovering from regular smoke outs.

This thread needs more wellingtons. And mud.

This has made me cry with laughter - it was a close run thing between that and rocking quietly on the corner.

Nice to know we are so normal in our house.

Make some lemon drizzle cupcakes as a thank you for having me gift. Spill some egg and place the flour packet on top. Do not clear up or clean the counter tops. Then do the drizzle directly on the counter top making sure each of the cakes spill. Bonus points if the flour packet is full and the drizzle dribbles on the floor. Leave all to harden. Take no responsibility for the flour avalanche and lemon glue!

Can you invite some friends over, OP? You can then proceed to make massive rounds of toast and use up all the bread. Use all the cereal and milk later when you get peckish, too. Sigh and roll your eyes when she suggests it’s time for your friends to stop lying around on the sofa eating and go home as they have work tomorrow.

Do you have a sister? Invite her round, too, and have a full blown screaming match when you discover she has borrowed your favourite top and got a stain on it. Then both storm off into separate rooms, slamming doors loudly, and strop until you can smell dinner cooking...

Take 45 bloody minutes to get ready to go out with the dog. Scream at her when she dares ask if you are ready yet. (Guess what we are doing?)